I can't sleep - awake and so anxious about Christmas :-(

[BlueberryMuffins76]

Just that really. I earn an alright wage, I try and budget every month but it just never seems to work. I'm crap with money and can never manage to save anything, I'm always at my overdraft limit by the end of each month. I try and write things down, keep track weekly - but I can't ever seem to keep a grip on it. I have a credit card but it's at its limit and I was refused another one (failed a credit check when moving house due to electoral roll registration) - so that's not an option, and the minimum payment is £52. I wish I could switch to a new card but I'm worried to apply after being refused once already! I am so bloody stressed about how I'm going to afford christmas. I've got a couple of bits, but nothing really yet - and certainly not a present for my DH who definitely deserves something nice. I'm going to start saving in January for next year...but that doesn't help me now. Why can't I get my head around budgeting?! I'm so stressed. I know people have much bigger problems, but I literally can't sleep and I'm just lying here working myself right up about it.

[MsAspreyDiamonds]

www.moneysavingexpert.com/

this link should work, please ignore the first link. This website has lots of money saving and debt advise. Please make it your 2015 goal to get out of debt.

[MsAspreyDiamonds]

www.facebook.com/AshleighMoneySavingExpert

[serin]

Hi Blueberry, hope you are feeling more positive.

We try to do Christmas cheaply as well, as others have said DH and I don't buy expensive presents for each other, this year I am going to drop hints Re Marks and Spencer's Italian dessert chocolates! Not something I would ever buy for myself!

We do lots of frosty winter walks and always visit a local cathedral for a choir recital. Usually we potter around a Christmas market too....don't need to buy anything at all, just soak up the atmosphere.

We swap festive DVD's with friends and usually meet up at each others houses for a bring a plate buffets.

In the new year I think you really need to address your debt issues by making a proper plan and sticking to it, you may need professional help with this.

[calzone]

What are you spending your money on?

Does DH know you are in so much debt?

Am trying to say this nicely but.......you really need to get this sorted out before you get deeper into debt.

Dh needs no present at all. You are going to NYC so that is your gift.

Go to Poundland and buy selection boxes, pens and notebooks, Christmas DVds are in there now.......for £1!!!! ((No one will know))

Poundland also do cheap decorations.

Think you need to make time to talk to DH about your money worries.

[LeopardIsTheNewBlack]

Regarding NYC- you picked a really expensive place to visit. I presume that your airfare and hotel is covered? Just getting into Manhattan from the airport can get pricy. If you are flying into Newark plan on taking the train in, if you're flying into JFK take the subway.
A glass of wine or a cocktail can average around $15, so look for places that offer a happy hour. There are tons of really fun places in the Village that are much better value than bars or restaurants midtown. You could also take a look on Groupon and Restaurant.com to purchase discounted vouchers. I always look online for a coupon code first to stretch my savings. I often get $25 restaurant vouchers for $2 and then use them during happy hour.
For breakfast try Dunkin Donuts- they're all over the City. In addition to great coffee and doughnuts they have really yummy breakfast sandwiches and flatbread wraps. Much cheaper than eating breakfast in a restaurant. I downloaded the Dunkin Donuts free app to my iPhone and whenever I go there I check under 'perks' to see what offers I can get. For example today it's buy a large coffee get a free muffin...that type of thing.
Call your hotel and see if all rooms have a coffee maker. If not see if you can get one in your room. Pack some teabags, sugar packets, creamer etc so you can make cups of tea/coffee whatever in your room when you fancy.
Taking the Staten Island ferry is free and it gives you a great view of The Statue of Liberty. Just don't take it during rush hour! I also recommend walking over the Brooklyn Bridge or renting bikes and riding over.
China Town is great for cheap shopping and beauty treatments. They also have really cheap places to eat and yummy Chinese bakeries. Don't eat in Little Italy though, it's pretty pricey there.
If you end up doing any shopping make sure you google for coupons first- for example I looked for Macy's coupons and found one for 25% off. You'll see lots of street vendors selling handbags. If you go to the ones around Penn Station they sell all their bags for $10- much cheaper than the ones around Times Square. Walking around Times Square is free of course and so if the M&M Factory. Just don't buy any sweets from there as it's way overpriced.
See if you can get TV show audience tickets- again that's free. I've been in the Rachel Ray show audience twice and got to both meet celebrities and get some good giveaways.

So NYC advice over....I think you really need to rethink your priorities and instead of starting to save for Xmas in January you need to make it your New Years resolution to get out of debt. Regarding Xmas I totally agree with other posters- surely your NYC trip is your gift to each other? And why do adults even need to exchange gifts? And I would take it a step further and explain to your family that you simply can't afford gifts this year and need to skip Xmas gifts this year. If you still insist on gift giving then look at the Poundstore and bring back 'I Love NYC' mugs and t-shirts from your trip.

You need to focus on paying off your credit card, spending less, and saving. You should start off by writing down everything you spend. This should give you a better idea where to start cutting back. You also should be paying double the minimum payment on your credit card.

[cindydog]

Buy selection boxes for the kids or playdough , crayons etc.Playdough is a firm favourite in my house.

[Heels99]

People do fall into the trap of thinking about what they feel they 'deserve' rather than what they can actually afford.
You feel your dh deserves something nice but surely the New York trip covers that? An expensive holiday means a cheap Xmas. Don't make Xmas all about the presents. You have had good advice on her but somehow I think you won't take it because you feel you deserve lots of treats so will find a way to do that only to find yourself in worse debt. You need to actually follow the advice on this thread.

[MsAspreyDiamonds]

Have a look on the xmas thread for bargains if you must buy gifts for the kids. How about a boxed set of books from the book people split between them & choc coins?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/Christmas/2221510-Christmas-bargain-thread-14-the-one-ode-to-Tim

[IsItMeOr]

Sorry you have had a tough year.

But you really need to get a grip about Christmas. Adults don't need expensive presents at Christmas, particularly when there is no money for them.

Would your DH really want a gift at the cost of the amount of stress you are clearly under? Because, if the answer isn't "of course not", then he really doesn't deserve anything anyway.

I hope you use the advice here to get a grip on your finances. It sounds like it's achievable.

Nieces/nephews/godchildren will almost certainly have plenty of lovely gifts from their parents/grandparents. Your also-ran presents aren't worth getting in debt over. Perhaps just explain to their parents that you are cutting back this year, and won't be able to do gifts. Unless they are incredibly shallow, they won't have a problem.

Failing that, Tiger has lots of fun things for not too much.

[fuzzpig]

I agree don't exchange presents with DH this year - the holiday is enough to look forward to!

The children in your family might love a packet of sweets or selection box just as much as a new toy. Or you could get a set of books from the book people and divide it.

[EssexMummy123]

Do you have any old stuff you could ebay for spending money?

[agoodbook]

Online shopping for groceries can work really well- for budgeting - you can see how much you are spending, and chuck things out that you don't need before check out. That stops going round the aisles wanting to buy things at eye level.

[specialsubject]

or you could just both be adult and forget presents for each other. The small children can have a couple of bits from poundland each, buy a big roll of wrapping paper and put in the effort to making it look pretty.

and kids not having presents in a world where a billion don't have access to a toilet seems to me a small injustice.

[BlueberryMuffins76]

Tayto, no we don't have children - but we do have a myriad of small God children/nieces and nephews to buy for. Tomorrow is payday so I'm going to download a budget software thing and really give it a go this month. Spending this evening meal planning so that hopefully I can get the food shop down this fortnight as well.

We're going to NY shortly after Xmas, so not a great deal of time to save. I am very much on the case of free things to do/see!

Thanks for all the help and tips - it's lovely to feel like I'm not on my own.

[Taytocrisps]

Blueberry, do you have kids? If you have kids, then your main concern would be to provide for them at Christmas. It would be horrible for them if Santa didn't bring them any presents. Adults don't have the same expectations. If your DH knows that money is tight then he's hardly expecting an extravagant present. When DH and I were younger and carefree (no mortgage or kids) we bought each other lots of presents - some of them were quite expensive. Now that we have a mortgage to pay and a child, we've cut back so much over the years. We just buy each other something tiny and concentrate on giving DD a lovely Christmas. We do kriskindle with my family so that means just one present to buy each and we're having a family day out with DH's family instead of exchanging presents.

When are you off to NY? Do you have much time to save for spending money? If it was me, I wouldn't bother exchanging presents at all with DH for Christmas and I would just concentrate on getting some spending money for holiday. Also, do a bit of research online and see if you can find free or cheap things to do and see in NY.

[confusedofengland]

A special present for your DP doesn't have to mean an expensive present - how about a book you know he loves, a book of vouchers for massage, dinner cooked etc or a little hamper filled with things like his favourite beer, a bag of peanuts, some nice undies etc? My DH & I have often given each other things like this & loved them. Or another thing DH did for me was to blow up a copy of a really nice photo of our little family & then put it into a nice frame he got for £10. That same year I got him a ticket to the football on Boxing Day as we couldn't afford for him to go normally, that was all within our £20 each limit & he was thrilled.

If you have DC, look in charity shops, car boot sales & FB sales pages for their presents. I have got most of my DCs from these places so far & paid eg £10 for things that would be £50 new, my 2 younger DSes won't know they're not new, they older DS will know but not care as he will still have a new-to-him toy to play with!

[Krakken]

Get some cheap meal ideas for this month, do a plan and stick to it. Use all the food you have in your freezer and cupboards. It may free up some money for your trip.

Do you have a Savers near you? They are quite cheap for toiletries.

[BlueberryMuffins76]

No, my cc is at £2200, or just below. It was 0% interest for 18 months, min payment was £25 then - then it reached the end of the 0% period and that's the new minimum payment! I was surprised when I saw it last month.

[Passthecake30]

Dp and I haven't done bday or xmas presents for about 6yrs now, and its fine, don't miss it one bit. I tend to get him a bar of chocolate (£1) and a shower gel (£1) for the kids to wrap and pass over, he does the same. It's only one day.

[TarkaTheOtter]

£52 min payment on cc must be about £5-6k right? You really don't need another cc. You need debt advice.
Do children's presents only this Christmas. People will understand.
You'll have to count the pennies in NY. Set yourself a daily budget and stick to it. No fancy meals and definitely no shopping. There's lots of sightseeing that can be done for free.

[BlueberryMuffins76]

BiWitched - thanks for the lovely response when I'm so clearly anxious. Yes we're going to NYC, yes we booked it as such - but we didn't pay for it, it was money given as a gift specifically to book a holiday because this year has been tough. Having spending money etc for when we're there is another source of my current stress. So please, don't judge without knowing the facts.

Everyone else - thank you. It's actually helpful to just write things down and I fell back asleep after my initial post! Some good ideas and tips here - I like the swapping at work idea, we usually do secret Santa so will suggest that today instead.

I do overspend, mainly on food/toiletries. I try and stick to a meal plan and a budget, but easily spend another £50 a week in Sainsburys on top ups I guess.

Am going to check my credit score on one of those free things. Thanks for being lovely you lot, I'll check out the Christmas bargain thread!

[Wellwellwell3holesintheground]

We have done secret Santa for the last 7 years. It has been fab. £20 limit means lots of imaginative gifts. We keep it secret and all have to guess who our present is from.

[gamerchick]

I agree.. use the holiday as your gift to each other and thank your lucky stars you can't get any more credit atm. Gives you time to sort yourself out.

Have you talked to your bloke? He might be able to help.

[CaptainSinker]

Set a weekly budget for groceries, take it out in cash and that's it. Have some tins of beans in the cupboard in case you genuinely run out. Research lower budget recipes. You'll soon learn to stick to the budget! This has really helped me cut out wasteful spending. We used to spend nearly £200 a week. Now it is £80, with no obvious change in eating!

When it comes to Christmas food, remember it is one meal. You don't need endless trimmings.

When DP and I were skint, him unemployed when I was on mat leave, we did a very cheap Christmas. We didn't do presents for each other. Let's face it, adults don't need Christmas presents, and will probably get stuff from relatives anyway. One friend did a secret Santa thing in her family where everyone had to get just one adult present. Worked really well and lots of people happy to not have loads of Christmas shopping. How many slippers and pyjama sets are needed in any one family?

People at my work also do a present swap just before Christmas, where we swap around unwanted but regiftable items. It is a game but I got a lovely present for my Dad this way!

If you find it hard to shift into a new mindset around Christ,as etc this is going to be the hardest thing. You need to be firm with yourself. You can do things differently when you can afford it. Right now you can't.

[Nerf]

It's just one day. Do it differently. Arrange some fun things to do during the day - decorate biscuits in red and green icing (use food coloring) and toppings in the morning. Watch a film with them as snacks, make crackers for your evening meal . Etc etx - play a board game with the winner getting a selection box. If you do things differently it will take the focus off material things.