Another teacher worried

[Toastybutt]

I’m really lucky.
We are allowed to wear masks and cases have not been too bad in our area. But it’s really starting to get to me. I’m vulnerable- as are many of our staff. Not very very vulnerable, but enough that, now that cases are rising sharply in the area, I’m getting scared.
Not just for me. I’m worried about bringing it home to my family - I’m the only one who has to go out to work. I’m worried about passing it on to a colleague. I’m terrified that something I do (or forget to do) will put a child at risk of getting it and taking it home.
It’s really starting to drag me down.
It’s Sunday morning and I already feel sick about work tomorrow. I enjoy my job. But we are working extra hours because of staggered starts, doing extra break duties, doing various cleaning tasks too. Plus I need to get work ready for isolating children, prep and teach amazing lessons because my class deserve it and stay upbeat for the kids.
I know lots are in worse positions, I’m lucky to have a job etc. I have no idea how teachers in secondary are coping. I understand it’s worse for nurses. I know all that. But I’m stressed and sad and it’s only going to get worse now for at least the next few months.
Just needed a whinge. Thank you.

[Whyarewehardofthinking]

I've held it together for weeks now but I've had a really tough weekend it seems. Both DH (Bolton) and I teach (Manchester) and both our teens are now isolating, with us going to work still everyday. We are both utterly exhausted. I've covered 7 other lessons this week, DH 5 but only because I have more SLT time. We have half the cleaning staff off, and only 2 catering staff left in so I've served food and cleaned every kind of room this week. My own lab is a bombsite though.

I feel ridiculous for whinging. A friend of DP died this week, leaving his own teens and a wife. He had diabetes, so there are an awful lot of people on here who will think it is fine he died. He had a pre-existing condition. I have a colleague in hospital, and a student. We've had a student lose a parent, and multiple lose a grandparent or Aunty/Uncle.

I should be isolating from my own kids technically, but we spend last night under duvets in front of the TV with a DD each, and I struggled to not cry with exhaustion whilst we sat there.

My head (and CEO of Trust tbf) is doing everything possible, but I feel thrown to the wolves today.

[Whyarewehardofthinking]

I feel better after that!

[IHeartKingThistle]

Secondary HOD here. Almost half of my department are off. On Wednesday I taught 5 of my own lessons and set work for 9 others without a break. I leave my own classes constantly to check on others or deal with behaviour. The kids are NOT OK. Mental health issues and safeguarding are through the roof. I'm in school from 8-6 (when we get thrown out) and it's not even close to enough. I miss my colleagues. I miss the staffroom. I'm good for nothing at the weekend because I'm exhausted. I'm scared.

But I don't want the schools to close. I will keep doing this because God only knows what will happen to some of these kids if we close again.

[Danglingmod]

Oh, I'm so sorry, Whyarewe. It's utterly abhorrent that people dismiss deaths of people with underlying conditions but who were otherwise healthy (obviously, any death is tragic, but the narrative is now that it doesn't matter if old people or people with diabetes die).

We're in a lesser hit area than you but still have multiple children who've lost grandparents, and one a youngish parent.

[IHeartKingThistle]

@Whyarewehardofthinking I'm so sorry.

[Bluewavescrashing]

This is so difficult. 2 kids in my class are out isolating at the moment with covid positive parents. The children haven't been tested so the bubble is still open. Another child sneezed literally in my face the other day. They are year 1 and struggling to cope with sitting at desks all day, forward facing when they need to be playing and sharing resources. Jennie Harris clearly hasn't ever been in an infant classroom if she thinks this helps prevent spread. They turn their heads all the time to talk and breathe in each other's faces! That's what kids do. I've got a nasty cold now, headache, sore throat, congested, aching all over but no covid symptoms yet. We had lesson observations last week which was exhausting.

[Donewith2020]

I was coming on to post almost the same.
Secondary teacher here, 6 crowded classes of different kids a day and CEV based on numbers of hospitalisations and steroids but haven't got a letter so have to be in school despite serious lung condition (I'm querying with GP but he is being encouraged to keep people off the shielding list and SLT want me in). Also have a less serious heart condition that would in itself make me CV without the lung problem.
Colleagues aren't cleaning, kids aren't social distancing and think the whole thing is a big joke. They push past me, they close the windows and come right up to my desk and stand over me. No sanctions have any effect.
I am scared, I am teaching online as well as in person for every lesson because of isolators and we are shortstaffed and I am the only subject specialist. I'm working 12 hour days. If I don't go in my GCSE and A level classes don't get taught (we've already looked for supply, there is none).
And I can't afford to be off on SSP as DH's hours have been cut. But I also don't want to die and leave my DD motherless.
I'm just lost and have no idea what to do or how to cope but I am so angry at the government for putting us in this position by lying to the public that schools would be safe.
And on top of that parents on mumsnet seem to think we are awful people. I'm questioning why I'm doing this and every thread saying how teachers aren't at risk and we should suck it up moves me one step closer to walking out. But then my exam sets have no subject teacher.
OP

[Bluewavescrashing]

Tbh I'm struggling at home. So tired and my DCs are emotional which I find really hard. I've sent them out to the park with DH so I can clean this shit tip house and watch something grown up in peace. DH works from home full time, he is bored and lonely and a bit down currently, but he doesn't have the responsibility I have at work. I'm drained.

[Donewith2020]

@Danglingmod

Oh, I'm so sorry, Whyarewe. It's utterly abhorrent that people dismiss deaths of people with underlying conditions but who were otherwise healthy (obviously, any death is tragic, but the narrative is now that it doesn't matter if old people or people with diabetes die).

We're in a lesser hit area than you but still have multiple children who've lost grandparents, and one a youngish parent.

And the worst thing is, most people with underlying conditions (CV) are expected to be in work in schools and probably some other sectors (although at least HCPs seem to be non clinical based on friends' trusts). But then their deaths are dismissed as 'had underlying conditions'. If we are dismissing their deaths as 'inevitable' or 'acceptable' they should all be shielding.

[Letseatgrandma]

And on top of that parents on mumsnet seem to think we are awful people. I'm questioning why I'm doing this and every thread saying how teachers aren't at risk and we should suck it up

Exactly this. Some people post with such venom against others. It may be that they’re directing it at nurses etc as well and I only notice it when it’s aimed at school staff, but it can be so nasty.

[Toastybutt]

This is appalling. People just don’t get it.
Thank you so much to everyone for their supportive thoughts.
Like I said. I’m lucky and these posts are making me realise how much more bloody awful it is elsewhere.

[AlexaShutUp]

I will keep doing this because God only knows what will happen to some of these kids if we close again.

Thank you for your commitment to those vulnerable children, IHeartKingThistle, and everyone else who is doing the same as you are. Those kids truly need you, but you shouldn't have to risk your own wellbeing in order to preserve theirs. It's shocking that teachers are being put in this untenable position.

[Bluewavescrashing]

It really is shocking.

I drank too much vodka last night 😕 feel like crap today.

[Ashard20]

@rulewithawoodenfoot and @letseatgrandma
Absolutely.
I'm still sticking in objectives strips, work and doing mounting - all the things that our lovely volunteers, mostly over 70 and so no longer coming in, used to do. Our TAs are covering all breaks and part of lunchtimes so that we can clean the desks, doors, handles etc and find a few minutes to eat and attempt to set up for the afternoon. Easier said than done, when the class are eating in the classroom until the final 15-20 minutes of our 45 minute lunch break. They can't go outside until then else they will coincide with other bubbles.
I'm SLT and, with my colleague, desperately trying to maintain some form of leadership, except that we get no management time now - it has to be squeezed out from the week, with the expectation that the TAs will cover. That leaves the children who need additional support without anyone. It's the same with our PPA.
We are waiting for Ofsted and our head wants book monitoring and performance management observations to go ahead, so we are both trying to walk an even keel between her expectations and the well-being of our staff.
SATs, Phonics etc just should not happen this year. None of us are in a position to teach to that pitch and pace and our children don't have the right head space for it either.
It's all just awful, but the accountability with no allowances is the straw on the camel's back. I wondered if the recent Ofsted report about unsustainability etc in schools might herald a change in mindset. I'm frustrated that in response, Gavin Williamson's next move is to address university admissions. Not quite convinced that he has identified the most immediate concern in education; reading this thread confirms just how grim and unsustainable our situation is.

[Bluewavescrashing]

I completely agree that external resting should be scrapped until after the pandemic. Testing is the opposite of looking after our children's mental health.

Gavin can fuck right off. I'm running out of patience.

[Bluewavescrashing]

Testing not resting

[WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants]

@pombal

Hello I’m an HCP, I understand how you feel.

Get yourself the best mask possible. Change frequently.
Be brutal about ventilation. Whinging children need base layers, hats, body warmers.
Any children with any symptoms - home ASAP
Avoid the staff room - only take that mask off to eat and drink outside, or in a well ventilated room, alone.
Wash hands constantly.
Wear glasses to stop yourself touching your eyes.

You can do this x

What a lovely, helpful, compassionate reply

Stay safe yourself - knowing people like you are out there, gives me hope 🌷

[sherryperry]

Our year 2's are desperately preparing for the phonic screening this term. Stress they don't need

[RingPiece]

Get yourself the best mask possible. Change frequently.

I wish vulnerable primary staff were allowed to wear masks. It's totally not permitted in schools I know. One vulnerable member if staff is 'allowed' to wear one in corridors, in the toilet and in the staff room ( but they don't go there), and not in the classroom.

[RingPiece]

And when the windows don't open and children are most definitely not sent home if they display symptoms, it's just awful.

[CraftyGin]

I'm a secondary teacher and think my school has done the best they can to comply with government regulations/guidelines.

This doesn't come with any guarantees though.

What I am finding exhausting is preparing blended lessons. It is relentless. I am converting pdf worksheets to Google Slides, so that they can do all their work on chromebooks rather than paper. Over 25 years into teaching, it is taking me close to an hour to prep a lesson. This means I am behind on marking, let alone responding to relentless emails.

I dread opening up email. But I like my finished product and think it is good for the students. Dilemmas afoot.

[MrsMime]

It's hideous. I cry every morning and feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I feel so anxious - can't sleep properly, a constant headache and so irritable at home because I can't switch off.
It's lovely to read such a supportive thread and to feel less alone.

[Chill08]

I've come on here OP to say i feel the same as you i work in a preschool though so obviously cannot social distance with 2yr olds. Its been more or less back to normal for us, still giving cuddles where needed and support but with so much more cleaning inbetween the constant worrying about the virus its exhausting

[CallmeAngelina]

and or to all.

[starrynight19]

So wrong that so many school staff feel like this and no one is listening