Anxiety over returning to work

[Nogodsnomasters]

I've been off work for 10 weeks now and have been quite strict with following government guidelines because I was germ-phobic and have health anxiety before all this even started.

Tomorrow I have to return to work and I honestly feel like crying. I do not have a choice in this, I am not vunerable, I don't live with anyone vunerable and my work have put all the health and safety precautions that they can into place.

I am just going to be so paranoid about bringing this virus home to my husband and son (or getting it myself) and I know my hands are going to be raw. At home I don't need to wash them as much except after touching post/parcel etc because I know everything in my house is safe as we don't leave, but at work I am going to be washing my hands a ridiculous amount due to my anxiety and I suffer dermatitis on them.

I know this all probably sounds ridiculous and I'm not even sure why I'm posting, I don't have a question to be answered, I just wanted to write this down somewhere.

[Nogodsnomasters]

floatyboat I have tried but my anxiety always seems to be able to counter act it. I'm a smoker and that makes me realise that if I get it I potentially have a chance of need hospital treatment for oxygen etc my son has ASD and would be so distraught if I had to stay at hospital even though his dad's here, so those types of thoughts of the repercussions for my family never mind the thoughts of if my son caught it because I'd brought it into the house I would never forgive myself, it seems impossible to get out of that brain loop right now but as you say the longer I'm back to work possibly will help.

[Floatyboat]

@Nogodsnomasters

Have you tried challenging some of your beliefs about the virus. Ie the extreme low chance it will harm you. I think the more you are out in the real world the less anxious you will feel.

[Nogodsnomasters]

Yes you can see who's taking it seriously and who isn't. We have been taking turns standing at the door greeting customers as they come in and advising them we have hand sanitizer and to follow the arrows etc and one lady came in mid 50's, I said to her "hi, come on in, we have hand sanitizer here if you want to use any" and she replied "not really, but I'll do it for your benefit". I just smiled and said nothing.

I know two other staff members are feeling a bit nervous but everyone else seems to be normal but as I say they may just not feel comfortable sharing their feelings and could be going through anything on the inside and I would think they're fine by appearances.

[SpiritEssence]

I've been on citolapram 40mg for a year now and its changed my life. Just stick with anxiety meds they can have side effects at the start but will ease and they it gets easier.

[ssd]

Nogodsnomasters, I totally know what you mean. How are your staff doing, I imagine it's a mix of people like us and others getting on with it. I know people my age who really don't care, whereas I'm ill with it all.

I hope the rest of the week goes well for you.

[Nogodsnomasters]

floatyboat if you meant me then I'm 32 and no health issues. Only mental health issues.

Ssd the thing is the people walking around looking floaty? I look like that too on the outside but am absolutely not on the inside so it's impossible to know how people feel by looking. Day two of work over and I go in, plaster a smile on my face, chat to customers and colleagues from a distance, complete tasks and no one has any idea my heart's thumping, my hands are sweating, I've got intrusive thoughts etc.

[ssd]

Mid 50s and no.

[Floatyboat]

How old are you? Do you have anything health problems?

[ssd]

I've spoken to my Dr and got a prescription for setraline coming. I'll try it for 4 weeks on a low dose and see if it helps.

[Twinklelittlestar1]

Feeling like the only one not coping, I can totally relate to you and it adds a new dimension to the anxiety because you feel like a failure and that you're letting people down .

[covetingthepreciousthings]

That's what worries me, feeling like the only one not coping.

I felt like this in the two weeks running up to lockdown, it just felt like everyone was acting like normal and kept saying "it's just the flu, we just need to wash our hands" etc etc, and I really thought I was going mad being the only one seemingly concerned about what was coming.

[ssd]

I'm asking for anxiety medication today, I feel like I need to do something to help me get back to work. I'm glad you've managed to go back. Do you think a lot if people feel like you or are most breezing about? That's what worries me, feeling like the only one not coping.

[Nogodsnomasters]

ssd yes yesterday was out first day open, I'm in Northern Ireland and we have slightly different lockdown phases but I'm in a home ware type store so we've technically been allowed to open for over 2 weeks but the company had not finished putting safety measures into place in all branches such as screens across tills etc.

Ive thought the same, if I'm feeling this bad, I really feel for people who have OCD right now. One of my husband's friends who is vunerable had no anxiety before lockdown and although sheilding has almost had a nervous breakdown over this and has ended up on anxiety medication from his GP, it's hard for a lot of people mental health wise.

[savehalloween]

Good for you though, despite finding it really hard you've pushed yourself and done it.

I have anxiety and have thought a few times how hard this must be for anyone with health anxiety or contamination anxiety and OCD.

As hard as it is, I do think as PP said once this becomes normal again after a few shifts it will get easier

[ssd]

I have had cbt and counselling too for health anxiety

[ssd]

Hope you are well op. Can I ask, did your shop just open back up today, I thought non essential store are opening 15 June? I'm retail too and very worried about going back.

[loveyoutothemoon]

@Nogodsnomasters Glad it was all okay. And I still do all of that...X

[Nogodsnomasters]

Thank you all so much, I am just on my tea break and have 2 hours left of my shift. Today has not been as bad as I expected in terms of customers, only one lady so far has gotten too close out of everyone but I've been extremely pre occupied with what I'm touching, who's touched it before me, did I wash my hands before I touched the tea cup, or did I touch it after....those type of obsessive thoughts.

I've suffered health anxiety for around 10 years now and have had CBT for it and talk therapy during my pregnancy also, I seem to almost have flare ups of it where I can cope and use techniques most of the time but when something is a big trigger such as this virus it spins out of control again.

[Reastie]

Op I feel very similar to you. I haven’t left home except outdoor exercise every few days and 2 trips to collect a prescription since before Lockdown started. I think the longer it goes on the harder it gets but I do think feeling the fear and doing it anyway is the best way to go forward. Look upon things as a way to challenge your fear to get stronger. I hope today goes well for you.

[Nosurveysneeded]

Nice to see that you have been going out already for shopping and walking which is goo.

It must be difficult for you, but try to remember that you are not vulnberable and your employer has made changes to make it extra safe. Try not to focus on the negatives but on the positives that your life can start returning to normal routines quikcer than many others will be able to .

Good luck, I'm sure you will come out of the first day feeling really proud of yourself for starting to get back out there again

[TweeterandtheMonkeyman]

I hope your day goes ok OP .
Just to say I had awful anxiety about this back in January (have read The Stand too many times !!) , plus some unrelated stresses at home and work. I was prescribed beta blockers which really helped get my anxiety under control, I’d recommend them to anyone.
Also to reassure you, I have worked throughout and have been absolutely fine - just taking sensible precautions.

[KnobChops]

I hope Op does find it easier then expected, and that her fears are lowered. However health anxiety (which pre existed this pandemic for Op) is a disorder that doesn’t necessarily respond to ‘face your fear’ type approaches. See how the return goes but I would look at getting some external help for the disorder.

[loveyoutothemoon]

I don't think it will be as bad as you are expecting. I generally find people to be very good in shops, they keep their distance and some actually walk away from you!

[revelsandrose]

@Ngodsnomasters hope your day at work isn't as bad as you anticipate.
I have to return to work tomorrow after being off for 8 weeks. I am very anxious and also very concerned about my Dc returning to childcare, and being judged by other parents for doing so, I have no choice.

[KnobChops]

I think you probably need to speak to your GP and get some help for your pre existing health anxiety.

I work in a hospital and of course we’ve been working this whole time. One of my colleagues has health anxiety and despite facing her fears every shift her anxiety hasn’t reduced at all, quite the opposite. She’s losing a lot of weight as well and noticeably it’s a lack of control that seems to be the problem. You need help to unpick the underlying issue as working during a virus pandemic will likely be very difficult for you.