Scared upset and angry

[insideyourkit]

Tonight my DH took a plastic charity bag from our letter box and then came upstairs with a drink for us both. He started to get undressed. I asked “did you take that bag from the letter box?” I asked just in case I’d been mistaken. He said yes so I reminded him about washing his hands with it been plastic.
His reaction was an angry “oh woman.” He then went out of the room, He went downstairs and I thought I heard the living room door open. He came back up, (I’m not sure if he’d gone to get his book) turned lights off, got undressed, scratched his face, started to read his book.
Because he has lost patience with me mentioning or insisting on the government advised measures and precautions - (The fact that I have had anxiety issues also seems to make him think I’m over reacting all the time) -
I said “I hope there wasn’t any virus on that bag.”
His response “It’s fine.”
“Why is it fine?”
“Do you want me to sleep downstairs? It’s fine”
I got up, wiped the upstairs light switch he’d touched then I went downstairs and wiped what I thought he might have touched, washed my hands, came back up and got back in bed. Then realised he’d touched the cups too.
“What about the cups?”
His response, “as soon as you mentioned the plastic I went and washed my hands downstairs.”
“But you still touched the cups.”
“I’m fine with it, if you're not ok go and do something about it.”
So if he’d washed his hands that meant that the tap switch needed cleaning, it also meant that I’d washed my hands and retouched that tap switch and subsequently touched my bedding, the kitchen roll possibly and what else? I went back down and cleaned the tap switch and everything else again. Also if he’d washed his hands why did he react like he did and then not say, I’ve washed my hands?!
Now I’m feeling contaminated again.
I was only just starting to feel safe again after he’d gotten some post a couple of days ago and opened it and then went though the house without cleaning his hands. His reaction when told about his hands was huffy. I had to clean the door handles too, it wouldn’t occur to him to do that.
I don’t know if he really thinks it’s not possible to catch it that way or he’s being contrary (thinks it’s an unnecessary because of my anxiety) or if it’s just not occurring to him to do these things.
What makes it worse is that our dd has asthma so I’m wanting to protect her as much as possible. I’ve been ill recently so I’ve already been isolating as advised by the doctor just in case, and we’ve all been social distancing in our house since I last went to work until the last couple of days. Also my aunt has just died of the virus so I know how real it can be.
So, I’m scared the virus is in our house now after all the precautions I have been rigorous in keeping.
I’m upset that my DH looks at me like I’m not worth bothering with every time I mention anything about cleaning/washing.
I’m angry at his reaction and thoughtlessness (I have held off reminding him of measures and then realised he’s not going to do anything about it so I’ve had to remind him and clean up after him.)

Is anyone else’s partner like this?
I do get that he might be fed up with my ‘anxiety’ but when there is a good reason and it’s just following guide lines, I don’t know how to deal with that.

Any advice?

[RJnomore1]

OP do you have a shielding letter? If so I can almost understand this level of distress.

There probably is something relatively sensible, or at least causing no harm, around washing hands after post but to get to the stage you were at where you want to wipe everything, shower and change your bed is really really not a balanced reaction at all. I’m glad you realise that now.

Good luck in dealing with it.

[stayclosetoyourself]

My daughter is immunosuppressed and works in the hospital patient face to face. They had to place her in non covid but she's still there!
You are being obsessive

[stayclosetoyourself]

Having said that I meant you are over anxious. Washing hands is good and I ask everyone to wash hands coming into the house, before touching food or dishes, and ideally every hour or two as they touch their faces etc a lot and we are all high risk.

[ducksback]

I think that the OP has got the message that she is over anxious!

[insideyourkit]

Thank you everyone for your opinions and advice. It has really been appreciated and helped me to put a different perspective on things. I will have to think about my reactions and take a step back before I act, hopefully in a more rational way! Thanks again.

[nellodee]

Kids should be in a car seat. But if you have to get a taxi for some essential reason, and they have to have an adult car set belt, it's fine. We minimise risk where we can. You're doing your best to protect those around you from this virus. Don't be hard on yourself when it's not a "perfect seal" but also, don't be hard on yourself when you get stressed and go overboard. Give your husband a hug, explain how stressed you've been feeling, apologise if you think you gave him too hard a time, and move on. My husband loves it when I apologise to him (doesn't happen very often, because I am always right).

[insideyourkit]

@nellodee that’s great advice, thank you!