WFH but not allowed to look after my kids??

[Hmmmmminteresting]

Ranting more than anything... i have a 3 year old and a 1 year old.
Classed as a key worker but due to the sector I'm in I am working from home.
My dcs nursery has closed down due to lack of demand.
My dh has to still go to work every day due to the sector he is in too.
Work have now sent out an email to all staff saying we must not be working from home whilst looking after our children. And that the expectation is that as key workers, nurseries and schools MUST stay open us.
I'm fuming! I would never send mine in to put them and others at risk while I'm sat at home. This is a shitty thing to do, right?

[Raedd1234]

I’m a key worker but can work from home and I’m also a single mum to one child.
I feel extremely lucky that my work have been happy for have me working from home whilst I have my LO.They appreciate that I need to do things for LO too and under the circumstances, don’t expect me to drop in pay but let them know if I struggle with anything so they can sort it out.
I have been finding it difficult, especially today with doing both. However I’m trying my best. I am getting all my job done 100% as my child has been amazing. However, what I’m finding difficult is finishing my work to then teach/help do schoolwork, do my day to day house jobs and then somehow fit playtime in. I’m absolutely exhausted! Happy I’m not as bored as others though!
I will continue to try my best and we’ll get there. We just need to be kind to others and realise this is an exceptional circumstance. We are all trying our best here and I think all employers should realise that.

[TeaAndASitDown]

We are both key workers and nursery is closing on Friday. My son is starting at a new nursery on Monday. It absolutely sucks but this is what we have to do. Hope you find a way.

Our local authority has a list of child care settings that will remain open for key workers.

[FrankieKnuckles]

I'm a key worker WFH & my LEA has said they'll only take my DC if both of us are key workers. My DH isn't, but he works in construction which is quite clearly business as usual.
But quite frankly I'm not sure I would send my DC in even if I could.
Your employer sounds like a twat. Seek union/ACAS advice?

[minipie]

RoomR0613 I didn’t list “working around the children” as an option because I don’t think it can be done, not if the work has to be done in child waking hours anyway.

Given the OP’s drip feed that she’s not actually a key worker in the true sense, I agree that working round the kids (ie not really working) is the best option.

If her role was genuinely essential then I would say childcare or DH looks after them. It is more important to keep key roles going.

[Motorina]

It's madness. We're core NHS and in a week or two I'm sure will be hugely busy and redeployed all over the place. Right now we're not, because all routine work has stopped. We have two people in (on a rota) maintaining the bare minimum. Everyone else is working from home. Senior clinicians like me are putting plans and pathways and processes and training into place, but most of my team have much less than a full day's work to do.

One of my team's allocated task is 'clean your house so, when things ramp up, you're not worried about it'. She has no IT at home so can do nothing else.

I've told everyone, 'right now, your core job role is helping as you can in your community'. The parents I've told, 'your job is to keep you and your family safe and happy.'

This is the calm before the storm. I will be asking extraordinary things of them. I'm certainly not going to badger them pointlessly now!

[Love51]

My organisation usually has a policy that you don't care for kids while wFH. We are a LA so all keyworkers. They've basically said 'these are not normal times'. 3 and 1 are hard ages though, needing a lot of attention. I wouldn't send a 1 year old to childcare at the moment, I know little ones aren't at particular risk from Covid19, but given that Boris says stay at home, and your baby can, baby stays at home. I'd offer to do some hours after bedtime / before kids get up, then halfarse the rest to the best of your ability. Mine aren't this young but I'm sure there are plenty on here who can help you make it work.

[Rosebel]

I'm sorry but I wouldn't stick my child in some random nursery with no settling in or knowing anything about the place . Presumably also having to pay 2 sets of nursery fees
OP your employer is being unfair. Tell them you have no childcare and either you'll do what you can or you can't work. Put the ball in their court.

[KitKat1985]

Mumsnet is such a weird place sometimes.

Just yesterday there was a thread where the majority of posters agreed with the OP that her keyworker friend was a "selfish twat" (charming) for not being able to work from home (as the only adult at home) whilst simultaneously looking after 3 nursery school aged children, and thought OP's friend was completely unreasonable to use nursery care for those children. Seriously, can anyone do a full time job with 3 pre-schoolers at home?!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3861083-Or-is-my-friend-a-selfish-twat-Childcare-related

Personally I don't think there's any hard and fast rules here about whether keyworkers should be able to WFH whilst looking after their own kids. Whether you can do your job with the kids at home depends on:

1. How many children you have in the house (obviously looking after 3 kids etc will be harder than just 1).
   
   
2. The age of the children (clearly pre-school kids are going to need a lot of supervising, most older kids not so much).
   
   
3. If the children have any special needs (meaning they need extra supervision).
   
   
4. How critical the job is (clearly if you are a 'keyworker' but in a backroom role doing work that isn't urgent, then it's less of an issue if you are less productive).
   
   
5. How much concentration etc the job requires (if you need to solidly concentrate for hours at what you are doing, as oppose to being able to dip in and out of it, then doing it with kids is clearly going to be much harder).
   
   I think its a real shame that instead of supporting keyworkers on Mumsnet, it's all about judging them and I frankly can see a lot of 'green eyed monster' posts as well ("well I manage so they should be able to"). Personally (me and DH are both keyworkers) we would rather not send our kids to childcare, but it's a 'needs must' situation. I can't work from home (inpatient nurse). DH can work from home, but we have an autistic 5 year old and a very demanding 3 year old, and his job involves the essential role of keeping the NHS IT systems working by spending hours concentrating on programming code etc. He just can't do that whilst closely supervising the kids, and he is expected to be working 'normal' office hours, so can't do it when the kids are in bed etc, what is he supposed to do?!?

[gingersausage]

I didn’t actually say I thought it was acceptable that her employer thinks that, but it is a fact. Not every employer is good or moral or helpful. Some of them are downright massive arseholes (looking at you Tim Martin) , and that’s not going to change because of a national crisis. That’s why I suggested she negotiated lower pay for less productivity, in the hope that the employer would see she was serious about keeping her job, which at the moment is a huge consideration. Having principles doesn’t pay the bills sadly.

[PersonaNonGarter]

I think this is on you to resolve, however unfair it feels.

If you want to work: You are a keyworker (I know, not a key one - but that isn’t your role to choose) so you can and should access a nursery. Call around.

Alternatively, ask your work if you can do your hours when your DH is home/after DCs bedtime and work flexibly.

If you don’t want to work: Ask for unpaid leave.

[anonymousLangFan]

Your employer expects you to work to your maximum capacity in return for the money they are paying you.

This is a global crisis situation. It is completely unreasonable to expect that EVERYTHING else changes except the expectations of the employers.

[RoomR0613]

The people saying it can't be done are correct that it's extremely hard work. My 1 year old is very clingy and my 3 year old is used to doing lots of different activities outside the house and is bored silly. They are usually looked after by grandparents so not familiar with going to nursery.

To compound the issue DH is a 'key worker' in a role that can't be done from home currently requiring him to be out of the house from 5am until 6pm every day, 7 days a week. So I'm basically on my own with them.

I work for a council so would be getting full pay regardless if I was working or not. I work with vulnerable people who I'm doing my best to support by phone and email. I'm doing the best I can in the circumstances and that's all anyone should be asking if anyone right now.

Although reading this thread I'm feeling slightly better about just how hard I'm finding it.

[IvinghoeBeacon]

“ Your employer expects you to work to your maximum capacity in return for the money they are paying you. There’s no way you can do this at the moment. ”

Fortunately my employer understands that they need to be flexible in a time of national crisis, by being understanding and supportive and not putting additional stress on employees with rules that run contrary to govt guidelines. We are expected and trusted to do our work, and instead of making rules about how households manage their situation in this crisis, they are sending us messages thanking us for the work we are doing despite less than ideal working conditions. Honestly, trusting employees to do their jobs is a far better strategy for getting the best out of them. OP, I’m sorry your employer is putting you through this crap unnecessarily

[FairyBunnyAgain]

I’m a manager and realise that in my team I have 2 parents of young children who will have to work around them but will do their best, 1 lady who has caring responsibilities for an elderly parent who is sadly very unwell without the added complication of CV-19. I am picking up the slack and expect my 20 something colleague to do the same.

The directors are not making this easy as they keep moving the goalposts especially for the staff that can’t work from home (not my team) which makes inter departmental communication and working hard. They don’t seem to understand social distancing and what is essential, nor are they happy with how I am managing my team.

[daisybrown37]

The problem with the key worker list, is that employers are interpreting it too widely.

I am apparently a key worker, I work for a business that runs schools and residential homes for children and vulnerable adults, therefore we do have key workers. However I am in HR. I can work from home, but have had the same communication from managers, children should be in school or I am unpaid.

I am ignoring it and working from home (mine 6 and 9 though). I am starting earlier and finishing later and taking breaks to help with school work. I am sure I have done more work from home than I manage in the office!

They are starting redundancy consultations in two weeks and my job is going - so not sure they have much of an argument that I am essential! (Redundancy is not related to CV but pre planned streamlining/restructuring).

[Itsnotthatcomplicated]

Do you need to work set hours?

Most people in your situation are having to work odd hours around children.

My employer has said the same. I told my team I dont give a shit. Keep their kids hom and if they are struggling we pull together as a team. If work isnt being done, we will need to review then.

We are, technical, key workers. As in our people on the ground definitely are. They cant go to their job, unless we do ours. Our job is very important at the moment. But as a team we can get it done. We need to pick up the slack for others sometimes.

If it was up to the owners, all those with kids at home (of any age) would be off unpaid.

[neighbourhoodwitch]

Ridiculous (of them!) They need to recognise/ be flexible and perhaps suggest amended hours due to the obvious difficulties whilst at home with kids. Bloody hell, how to make a vvv difficult situation even harder, idiots. Sorry ;(

[greytminds]

marie thanks for offering up the perfect example of how a boss should be responding! Honest, open and understanding!

[greytminds]

I am shocked that people agree with your employer too, OP. In normal circumstances, of course, no one should be claiming to work from home whilst also looking after two toddlers. But these are not normal times! In these current times, what choice do we have?

If nursery has shut and there’s no coordinated provision, which is also the case round here (medical friends currently scrabbling for places and not finding them) then it isn’t as simple as finding a place, plus there’s the concern around sending them to a strange environment and settling.

I’m not a key worker but am expected to work from home. I’m the only woman in my dept leadership with a child below secondary age (have a two year old) and no one wants to have an honest or supportive conversation about caring responsibilities and the impact. To mange things, I’m spreading my 4 days a week over 5, working earlier and later in the day and doing calls at nap times and when DH can cover. It’s exhausting but ok.

My BIL is getting special leave (paid) to stay at home because he lives with MIL who is 70. He’s not her carer (if anything it’s the other way around). Whilst I think that’s maybe over generous, I do think it’s something employers should consider for those who can’t work - much like those whose businesses have closed but they get 80% of their wages. It’s always women who lose out in the caring roles. It may not be that simple for OP to take a cut in wages. It’s a crisis unlike any other and there should be support accordingly not just unrealistic dictates issued by management.

[CheshireSplat]

Marie you sound great. Add cheaper leases to that list as you get a smaller office with hot desks. And bean bags and table tennis tables.

[CheshireSplat]

My employer has said the same, but they have followed this up by inviting proposals for working flexibly, e.g. changing hours to work around the other parent. So DH and I are tag teaming. I'm going to work on a Sunday instead of Monday, and either do split shifts or early shifts the other days. I usually work around 60 hours a week (professional services) and I think I'll now be working more like 40, so my employer will lose out. DH is a key worker in a hospital but we are heeding gov advice and trying not to send the DC to school. Can you be flexible with your hours, OP?

I'm expecting to be knackered pretty soon, without 2 days off I'm a row and 6am starts and 10pm finishes, so I'll reassess in a few weeks. Maybe consider going to 4 days temporarily if my work eases off a bit.

[Cremebrule]

I have a (just turned )1 and a 3 year old. It is breaking me to be honest. Their needs are so different and it is hard. My 3 year old is struggling with the change to her routine and is v clingy and started to wake up at night (I am currently in her bed as she was freaking out so much last night and she is in mine). My 12m old is starting to stand and walk and is a destructive force. So no, I don’t think you can do a full time job (or much of any job) with children that age.

[MarieG10]

I think some people with young kids will just struggle to work from home. Young ones just can't be left for ages unless they are sleeping.

For my staff, I have asked what they think they can do given home circumstances. Frankly I don't expect a full day's work in current circumstances if they are managing little ones etc. However, what I am seeing is some of those are doing little bits during day when toddlers are sleeping or entertained with a game or TV, and then making up other time early morning before the kids awake or in the evening for a little while.

I have been clear I'm flexible and won't be counting hours at all as we are all professionals and this is an utter crisis

For what is a crisis, I'm trying to look for the good about this and previously I have seen resistance from old hands to more agile/flexible working practices including working from home and I'm really pleased that this demonstrates the technology works, meetings are shorter and to the point and I think people are at least if not more productive. Maybe that's because my staff know I believe in it, promote it and want to show me in difficult times how we made it work so I'm really proud how they have stepped up. In future I will be having less of them driving an hour to work, pay parking and polluting the environment!

[roseapothecary]

Can people really do any work with a 1 year old at home? Maybe mine is just particularly demanding? I spend my day running around after him- his current favourite is climbing up on furniture and falling off- I cant look away for a second!
I am a key worker (part time out of the house) and so is my DH (fulltime wfh). We had my school age child at home and my 1 year old still with the childminder. The childminder has to decided to close for the next 4 weeks so scrambling around trying to negotiate with work. Not possible for DH to work with the youngest at home.

[ukgift2016]

I can WFH however I have many conference calls, I am flat out working all day. How can I look after my child when I am working?

I also will need to be free to go on emergency visits to clients etc. So yes my child goes to school when I WFH.