Grandparents looking after grandkids

[greywoollyjumper]

My DD's GPs look after her one day a week - one has asthma, the other diabetes. DD doesn't show any symptoms at all but goes to nursery 3 days a week and I'm worried she could at some stage be a carrier without us realising, given that the symptoms are meant to be minimal for young children. I mentioned this to GPs yesterday and they were upset at the thought of not seeing her indefinitely. They are adopting a BAU approach but it would be awful if their beloved GD infected them given they're in a higher risk group. WWYD?

[thenightsky]

Damn. I meant to post on the general CV thread. Sorry.

[Ladyinamask]

I only have my mum left and she is 70 with Asthma. I am keeping away as i dont want to be responsible for killing her. Im front line NHS so high risk and as DH is currently working from home he is doing the school runs and childcare. Its not worth the risk

[thenightsky]

I've just had a text off my friend asking if I will meet her for lunch today at a big popular pub. She's got a chronic lung condition and asthma. She ends up in ICU every winter with an infection of some sort. I've got a cough and sore throat so I've texted back a no. Now she's being arsey and saying I'm paranoid, she's not going to let it spoil her social life and she's still planning to get on a plane to kephalonia in a fortnight. Should I go for lunch with her? She sounds really cross with me

[Alsohuman]

@middleager, why is your Fil being irresponsible? He’s in a high risk group and is taking a decision which affects his own health. Given that the virus is weakened by heat and sunshine, it may well be a very sensible thing to do.

[middleager]

Tea all of us could pass this on, of course. Therefore, we must all adapt our behaviour for society as a whole.

But FIL looking at bargain breaks and not thinking about others is really not responsible.

[Teateaandmoretea]

I really think chucking 'selfish' around at anyone who has a different mindset is grossly small minded and unfair. But it is the approach that many seem to have to the whole thing.

Mental health is also important, my dad is widowed and leaving him in his house unable to go out would in itself probably kill him.

[Laniakea]

Well in the defence of the NHS I’m social distancing from anyone with a condition (age included) which makes them more likely to require hospitalisation. I consider it my civic duty, the risk to us is small & we need to carry on as normal-ish. If they get the hump with me (MIL!) I consider it evidence of their selfishness & irresponsibility (this is the 75 yo woman about to take a 2 week Mediterranean cruise, but I still won’t be the one responsible for infecting her).

[Teateaandmoretea]

FIL is also of the mindset of "what will be will be" but he could still pass that on to others - even more vulnerable.

So could anyone. Very unfair to put that responsibility into older more vulnerable groups!

Sanguine or not they are adults and need to be treated with respect. Their actions are their own decisions.

[Alsohuman]

Don’t think so Tea, I was a woman last time I looked!

[middleager]

FIL is also of the mindset of "what will be will be" but he could still pass that on to others - even more vulnerable.

Also, I was told on here yesterday that they are adults, capable of making their own minds up and you become more sanguine with age.

I get that but this isn't about self.

The deaths from this virus can be gruelling and it is a terrible way to go, and when that comes at a peak, when there are no ICU beds (and just look at italy) then I need to know I acted responsibly regardless of how "sanguine" my parents may be.

[ineedaholidaynow]

People aren’t being tested unless they are in hospital so you aren’t going to know if it is in your area anymore.

[Teateaandmoretea]

@alsohuman are you my dad?

[Alsohuman]

They’re adults who are perfectly capable of making their own decisions. I’m their age and would be furious if our kids started dictating to us “for our own good”. Let them choose for themselves. How awful would it be if they got infected by another means and died and you’d deprived them of their grandchildren when they had the chance to spend time with them?

[SuperMumTum]

@Love51 there are zero known cases in your town. I think it's generally accepted that it is spreading beyond the people that are being tested for it now.

I agree with @DirtyDancing I'm taking a decision to protect the health of older / sicker people in my family by enforcing "social distancing". I would never forgive myself if a family member got seriously ill from one of my kids and I could have prevented it.

[Teateaandmoretea]

I am responsible for my DM’s health as she ages, as I am my DCs

No, unless she doesn't have full mental capacity DM's health is entirely her own responsibility. You don't want to put her at risk unnecessarily but she has the responsibility.

It's a tricky one I think because a lot of older people are of the 'what will be will be' mindset.

[Laniakea]

We’re isolating ourselves from my parents (my dad has cardiomyopathy, both are in their late 60s). They typically have one of the children one day a week - with a sleepover - it’s purely social not childcare so non essential. They agree with us but I would have cancelled even if they didn’t - I will not be responsible for potentially infecting them.

[greywoollyjumper]

@BluesPurplesLilacs yes me and DH both work on the day GPs have DD but we've just discussed taking it in turns to book the day as holiday and/or unpaid leave. Work would be fine - my concern is more around making a decision for GPs which conflicts with what they would want, given that they're intelligent adults. I'm really torn as I think if we just unilaterally banned them from seeing DD they'd be upset and offended.

[Love2cycle]

I think this would be the main issue with closing schools down.

[BluesPurplesLilacs]

I wouldn’t risk it either. You can do video calls with them etc

So they look after her so you can work? Can nursery let her do extra days?

[Love51]

There are zero cases in my town. My parents moved to my town specifically to be near me and my kids. This thing could easily go on for 6 months. So I'm in camp BAU at the moment but prepared to change if my area gets infected.

[DirtyDancing]

That’s not the advice that other countries such as Italy are giving though. They are specifically telling people to stay away from elderly relatives. Children are considered spreaders. Secondly, for our close family, this is a joint decision and I am a one of those decisions makers. For some the desire to see much loved GCs can not over ride the safety point. I am responsible for my DM’s health as she ages, as I am my DCs

[BiscuitTin3]

I think it’s up to them. My mum is a nurse in her sixties with diabetes. She reckons she’s far more likely to get it from work than the kids. She still wants them at least once a week to stay over. My parents are rational intelligent people. They can make their own minds up as to the risk.

[DirtyDancing]

Glad to hear others’ thinking is the same as mine. DH not quite with me on this yet. I have said GPs can see DCs this weekend briefly and then that is it for the foreseeable. They are adults but seem to be irrational when comes to seeing DCs!!! Lol

[Slippersandacuppa]

Yep, all my siblings had a conversation about this yesterday and we’ve decided to come up with alternative arrangements. Mum’s not happy and says she’s fine to carry on as normal but we just don’t think it’s worth it. I hope my parents take the time to relax!

[greywoollyjumper]

@DirtyDancing it's so difficult isn't it as they're all adults and it would feel unbelievably patronising telling them what to do/ what not to do, but I just can't help catastrophising 😢