When did you know you were ready to have a baby?

[marypoppins]

Hi all! Just wondered how you decided it was time for your first... Was it purely broodiness, age, financial/relationship circumstances or something else?

I am late twenties and have been married for 6 years. I have a fairly good job but we do not own a house. Dh is not that happy with his job. I know things will probably never be perfect but wonder if they might be more perfect in a few years when dh retrains and we pay off some debts. Also, I have a problem with not being able to know if it would actually be good or bad to have a baby, you hear of so many different experiences people have!

Don't want to wonder whether I should start trying until it is too late but neither do I want to leap into a potentially difficult time.

How did you decide it was time to try for a baby?

[wysiwyg]

I've always known I wanted kids - from about age 14. Waited till I was 33 though...
DH and I have always had nice caribean holidays - suddenly found myself on holiday thinking "there's really something missing here...."

[ionesmum]

Big sympathy. I know that in many ways birth control is a blessing but it also means so much agonising over whether to have a baby or not. I tore myself in two before deciding not to have children at all, then found out three months' later that I was expecting dd1! I was actually very pleased, and I loved being a mum so much that I had another one as soon as I could - I now have two dds aged 3 and 1. Being a mother to a newborn is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done. I can't believe how tired I got with my first - I've found it easier the second time. But also being a mum is the most rewarding thing I've ever known, it makes everything that happened in my life before seem so trivial. I hope that you will be able to decide soon what you want to do, but IME if it's meant to be, it will happen anyway!

[Louise1980]

I decided when I got a positive result!!! Then when I had ds2 i changed my mind! Just recently actually sat and thought Im happy being a mam. So I will say 24 but started having them at 19!

[BellaLasagne]

DH and I had been married for 7 years and never even discussed having children - can you believe it?!!!

At the 7 year point I suddenly got very broody and told him I wanted to stop taking the pill. That was that - I was very lucky and ds was born 10 months later. We followed with dd 3 years later and I'd now love another.

The important point is, which I think someone else has already covered, that there is never a 'good' time to ttc. There's always doubt about finances, jobs, houses etc and that never goes away when you're young. But if you decided not to ttc just because of these reasons (unless they're very serious) then you'll regret it later because by the time you feel financially stable and secure you might be in your 40's and then it might be very difficult for you to conceive.

I wish you luck with your decision!

[MrsDoolittle]

Dh and I always said we wanted children, but the thing is we never saw the transistion from being a young, working couple, even marraige didn't change that. We were skint but looking back we wasted a hell of alot of money. We couldn't see it at the time.
Then I came over all broody. I became pregnant and even though it wasn't planned, we just got lazy with the contraception, we were both thrilled.
Looking back on it, it is infact having children that makes that transistion for you.
I'm broody again, dh is cautious but watch this space

[serenity]

With us it was a combination of things. We were living with MIL (only not IL at the time) and out of the blue were offered a council flat (we'd gone on the list 6 years previously, but never expected to get one). We then had our 10th anniverary and my 26th birthday (2 days apart) and we just started talking about babies. It turned out we'd both been thinking about it but had been waiting for the other to 'give permission' so to speak. We thought it would take a while but I got pregnant straight away!

[Blondeinlondon]

I'd been broody for a while, met DH, talked about trying in 2005, got a bit lax with contraception... DS is now 3 mths old
I do sometimes wish I'd had more time with just me and DH

[MamaMaiasaura]

mp - my ds was a blessing and not planned. Very broody now (even dreamt i had a little girl 2 nights ago and she weighed 11lb9oz ) So much want another baby am late 20s too (30 this year) and do understand were you are coming from. dp wants to wait till we have more money. but tbh i dont think you can ever feel you have enough (unless you are very very rich). But i believe that you manage and you get by and as long as you can love and nuture and provide reasonalbly that is what matters.

[Klara]

Was dead against having a baby EVER when I was in my mid 20's - ms career woman. Hit 30 and DH was going on about ho he didn't want to be an old dad (he's 12 years older), so at 31 gave in, with severe misgivings. Hated being pregnant in the begining, and again at the end. Had the worst imaginable birth and swore that was it -only one. Now desperate for another. Don't know how I ever thought life was "worthwhile" without my ds (now 2) - he really is the light of my life.
Having him and tha adjustment afterwards was the hardest thing that either of us has ever had to do - I think I was in shock for the first month.

Everyone else is right - there's never a right time. Also - your hormones kick in and "make" you a loving mother to a certain extent. I know I would fight to the death to protect my child.

A colleague of mine told me before the birth of ds, when I complained that I still wasn't feeling especially maternal and was just fed up "your hormones will kick in at the end and when it comes out - you'll think its the most beautiful baby alive. It won't be until you look back at the pictures 3 years later that you'll realsie that - no - it wasn't actually that beautiful when it was newborn - that comes later". I laughed - but he was right - the hormones did it!

of course ds is now exceptionally handsome!

klara

[vkone]

Curiosity got the better of me . I started off nev er wanting one (my mum was quite resigned never to be a grandma), then ummed and ahhed for ages. I've never been drawn to babies til I had one - I always preferred small animals. Then I began to wonder if I'd be good at being a mum.

Eventually I had to chuck the pills due to migraines and as night follows day...

[Holly290505]

When it seemed like the best idea in the world and nothing and no-one could convince me there were any downsides. The tears that prick my eyes when I think of my wonderful dp holding our baby for the first time... And all that still stands despite our combined small salaries, no house, 39.5 weeks pregnant with heartburn and swollen ankles...! I guess for some (and I count myself very lucky I'm one of them) its like falling in love - when its right you just know its right

Apologies for the soppiness...I can't wait....

[beansmum]

I knew I was ready when I found out I was pregnant. Instead of being shocked and scared I just couldn't stop smiling. My flatmate thought I was a nutter and didn't understand why I wasn't having a termination, but I knew that I was ready and that being bean's mum would make me happy.

[bakedpotato]

It was a matter of arriving at a point in our lives and thinking, right, let's get on with it. I'd never been broody (am jealous of all you who were), I was scared stiff about the prospect of pregnancy and babies and motherhood in general, but I knew I didn't want to put it off much longer.
I sort of held my nose and jumped in.

[expatinscotland]

I got broody in my late 20s. I was married, but my ex had gradually come to the conclusion (long story) that he didn't want kids. It was unfair of him to make that decision for me, so we mutually agreed to an amicable divorce.

It was another 4 years and a very long time after that that I gave birth to DD. She was worth the wait!

[Pruni]

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