New Nanny and incident already

[Richa]

I haven't been on here for a long time due to work, but I would grateful for some advice. I had an aupair for my 8 y/o daughter for about 6 six months, who became very restless and eventually left last week. On Monday, I employed a Nanny who had been working with a local family since she arrived from Poland. Yesterday, I got home to find a bit of an atmostphere. Nanny was saying that my daughter wasn't listening to her and that she 'didn't want to be cruel'. I reassured her that we were all still getting to know each other and she left happy. I spoke to my daughter who told me that our Nanny had grabbed her wrist very tightly to bring her in from the garden. She said it still hurt.

I will speak to them both this evening, but does anything have any thoughts? My daughter has not been subjected to this. The nanny came with a glowing ref, but she did work where the mother worked from home.

Not sure if she is the nanny for you, to be honest....quite upfront of her to grab dd's wrist on Day One....how much did they see each other before you went to work?

Hi beachyhead. Quite honestly, I was a bit shocked, too, but I need to hear what the Nanny says. Dd and Nanny has a full day on Monday - which was great, apparently- and half day yesterday. Our last aupair left us in the lurch, as I am just finishing a contract this week, so I haven't had a chance to sit with them properly. Something which I have always done. Should I talk to the Nanny first about the grabbing rather than with all of us?

Absolutely number 1 rule - no rough physical treatment by nanny to child, unless she is in an emergency situation and it might save the childs life.

Yes, def speak to her alone first, but to be honest if she is doing that on day one - just to get a child in from the garden what will she be doing once she feels comfortable? Afterall, it's not as if your d/s had run out into a busy road and she had to grab her to save an accident from happening.

Remember, if she worked for a family where one parent was at home she has obviously never had to/or bothered to learn the art of persuasion/negotiation with children. Any problems she probably just called for the mother to come out of the next room and sort it.

Be careful of glowing references - they can be good because family wants to get rid of nanny too.

Your d/s is 8 - how hard would it have been to negotiate/bribe her with a game or treat to get her in from the garden?

Looks like your nanny failed at the first hurdle - I would get rid ASAP as she clearly thinks her behaviour was acceptable.

Not a good role model for your d/s either - is it OK for her to drag smaller children around when they refuse to do what she wants?

Agree with goldenoldie.

Get a new nanny asap, she sounds like a load of trouble. You're poor dd must be scared of her already, what a horrible way to behave with a child. She sounds like a bully to me.

Talk to the nanny about it first - if your DD got in a bit of a strop with her it's just possible that she is exaggerating what happened. (Sadly kids don't necessarily tell "the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth".) Then talk to them both about it.

The "cruel" remark does sound dodgy but how fluent is the nanny's English? She might have meant "harsh" or "strict" or something like it. Anyway I would discuss it and stress what is and isn't acceptable to you and see how it goes...good luck!

Thank you for the advice, it's very reassuring.

I got back from work and the three of us sat down. Nanny was saying how dd was climbing trees and she couldn't call her down and felt it was unsafe, she told me that dd had completely ignored her. Dd acknowledged this and then burst into tears, so did the nanny and then me! dd was feeling horrible from previous aupair and this nanny had never grabbed a child: she wanted to make sure dd didn't hurt herself.

The family, nanny was with before, are still keeping her on part time, because they thought she was firm, kind and fair.

I'm really glad we all sat down. I was going a bit mad trying not to allay blame and jump to conclusions. I will keep an eye out, since grabbing is still wrong and I don't want it to lead to anything else - especially having read the previous posts on the poor child who was smacked. I will have a sit down with the nanny to make sure that type of 'discipline' is not used. I usually write it into the contract.

Thank you all again. In this mad world of parenting, it's so good to know you're out there! x

glad to hear it's sorted richa!

Get rid of her!!!
I was a nanny for over five years and now a mummy, grabbing, pulling etc... a child is VERY unacceptable unless like someoone said it is to save their life or because they are likely to get hit by a ball etc...
No one who truly cares for children would do this.