chat or fight?

[uwila]

Is the "chilminders, nannies, au pairs, etc." section of mumsnet a place for well meaning parents/nannies/childminders to find the help and advice they are seeking? Or has this just become a battle ground for people with no interest in the subject to come on and criticise however they so choose?

It seems threads lately all turn into battles between employers/parents/employee.

What has happened to this formerly very useful forum?

See my touchy feely love your carer thread which died very quickly...

It has become a bit of a battleground - I must admit it was one of the topics I most wanted to be full of good stuff, but sadly, it is less than useful at the moment IMO.

Still there is the odd non-contentious topic every so often so I will keep an eye out for those.

I get the impression that there's always a row going on somewhere on mumsnet - just depends on which topics turn it is. I started off feeling anxious about this - now I think it's part of the DNA of the site and that lots of people like to participate or at least view from the sidelines.

The answer's a bit obvious, isn't it? Nowhere else on MN are personal interests potentially so directly opposed (except maybe under education as regards teachers vs parents, and there've been some ding-dongs there). And of course that means that the risk of throwaway, or even carefully worded, comments being taken against, is much much higher.

And I think that in pretty much every case the temperature has been raised by those who do have an immediate and valid interest in the subject - I am thinking of the visitors from nannyjob, for instance.

I've had some fantastically useful advice in this particular forum, so will continue to watch it - but all the time bearing in mind a need for tact which is different from elsewhere on the site.

GhostofNatt - your thread didn't die that quickly.

Bit syrupy though.

But why do people get so heated? If you dont like it then ignore it.

There are one or two around who do take the bait and love a good row. Just chill.....it really isnt worth it especially if you know you are going to get het up about it and it really isnt good for your blood pressure if you are ill or pregnant.

Some people always feel they have to defend themselves.

I see some people getting all pumped up with self-importance, and other people trying to get them to put their feet on the ground.

binkie, you are absolutely right - there is nothing so bad as attacking someone's choice of childcare as it seems they are trying to firmly put you in the bad mothers club.

Everybody has their own reasons for choosing the type of childcare that suits them and their family and we are all constrained in some way also, either financially or by lack of choice etc.

I agree that, as long as I know I am doing the best by my children, I couldn't give a monkeys what someone else thinks, particularly if they are a name on a web site.

I hope no-one has been too upset by the comments made on some of the threads and I hope we can continue to support each other and give useful advice, whatever our childcare choices.....

Just and the world will back

I hate when others take things out of context. We are faceless and maybe the problem is that others take the post to have a different tone than was intended. (that make sense)?

There are some genuine people on here with genuine concerns and there are genuine posters there willing to help - but there are also the self rightuous shit stirrers.

Live and learn. Don't let them put you off.

We ain't all perfect. People in glass houses and all that stuff.

Please don't think that all people from Nannyjob are here to cause trouble, I must admit that I followed the link from there to here, but as well as some good, some bad comments on this messgae board the same applies to NJ. Some people just like to cause trouble wherever they go - Mums and Nannies alike.

I was reading the Eu Nannies vs English Nannies thread and found it all rather sad to be honest. Everyone seemed so intent on out bitching each other, and scoring points that I think that they lost the point, unfortunatley some people obviously had bad experience but instead of putting it down to the particular people involved, they tar everyone with the same brush.

Oh well, human nature I suppose.

mishwheelie,
This thread was not meant to be directed at the recent interest from nannyjob regulars. Pleanty of negative comments come from mumsnetters. I guess what I meant by "a battle ground for people with no interest in subject" is those who have never hired a nanny, have no intention of ever hiring a nanny, have never been a nanny, etc. I know I have gotten many a harsh comment from people whom I feel don't really have the experience to criticise me on the subject.

I won't be naming names because if I did this would like be yet another battle, so nobody ask.