CM Club could really do with some opinions about this

[saltire]

I'm a bit reluctant to post this here, but could really do with some opinions from other CM's.It's a bit long, so sorry.

I have two brothers that i mind, some weeks its every day, other weeks its only 1 or 2 days. The oldest is 2, he will be 3 in four months time. The younger brother is 14months. Mindee1 doesn't talk much, is still in nappies and is very clumsy. When he talks he doesn't string a sentence together, he will say
"oobble babble dabble Thomas babble babble"
or Babble babble car babble etc. He is still, as i said in nappies, and doesn't even know when he has wet in them or pooed in them ( as opposed to my part time 18month old who knows when seh's wet her nappy and will tell me). He is also very clumsy,if there is a toy on the floor he will trip over it, or stand on it, in fact he never steps over anything, he just stands on them, and trips over them. When we are out, every third or fourth step he trips, or he will repeadtedly walk in front of the buggy and trip over the wheels.
When its feeding time, his 14month old brother will sit in the high chair and feed himself quite well, as will the 18month old when i have her. However, Mindee 1 doesn't seem to know what to do with the food, probably not helped by some of the crap his mum sends for lunch mind. For example, if she sends soup, he just sticks his fingers in and trys to lick it off, if its a sandwich he puts it flat in the palm of his hand, and tries to eat it that way. He will also sneak up to the other kids and try and pinch their food.
I know they have problems with his sleeping. He never slept when he was a baby for more than 2 hours in a 12 hour period, and now he won't go to bed, he just screams the place down so they let him play in the living room until he falls asleep, which she says is sometimes as late as midnight, then she wakens him at 6 to get ready to come to me. Could this be having an effect on his develpoment? I have given her leaflets about the sleep clinic and asked her to talk to her HV about it, but as of this time she hasn't done anything about it.
I had my Care Commission Inspection last week, and we were going over the Care Standards, one of which was the one that covers observations of children etc. She was there while the brothers were, and she commented on mindee1, and said that she thought he was a very slow developer. She asked if i had mentioned his talking/potty training etc to his parents. I have told his mum to send pants and pull ups and i will help with potty training but she said he's not ready as they have tried and he didn't have a clue. I have also mentioned the talking, but she's very sort of.....how can i put this. If she hears him say a word shes all excited and jumps round the house, but doesn't then encourage him to try and say it again, and yet i know they talk to him a lot at home. She also thinks its normal for an almost three year old to only have a vocabulary of 6 words, but my own Ds are 8 and 6 so i cannot remember whats normal

Anyway, my CC inspector said that i have a duty to contact the local HV and aske her to come out and observe the child when he is with me, and she will then be able to bring the subject up with his parents as he will be due an assessment soon. My CC inspector said that going by her own children, and friends children he was very behind with his development and she had concerns about his clumsiness as well.
I was shocked at this as i feel she is asking me to go behind the parents backs on this, what about confidentiality etc. I am a bit uncomfortable about this and would really apprecitate some advice as to what othet CMs would do in the same situation. I know i run the risk of being shouted at, but i could really do with the opinions of other CMs, just to see what they would do? Do i go ahead and contact the HV? Please don't be nasty to me, i'm really stressing over this.

[ThePrisoner]

Isyhan - it's not just the inspector who commented on the child's behaviour, saltire is already concerned. I hope I made it clear that I don't think she should contact HV without permission from the mum.

I've had children with "problems" before, and parents (who have already voiced their concerns with me) have been happy for me to ring the SENCO (Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator) of our networking group for further advice. I wouldn't do anything like that without parental consent.

Uwila - I personally have never talked to or visited a HV or GP about a minded child, parents have always done this themselves (along with immunisations, development checks etc.) Most minders I know do not do this either.

Unless there is any suggestion of abuse or neglect, which there isn't, I think it would be way out of order to do anything in this particular situation without talking properly to the mum.

[Isyhan]

Youre probably right Prisoner. Im coming from a parent perspective really not a cm perspective. hich hopefully wont be long as my registration docs are going to be sent off tomorrow!!and I have potential customers so hopefully the two things will come together.

[saltire]

Sorry i haven't responded to replies before now - had a house full of CM kids yesterday.
I obviously don't want to contact the HV, i feel it's not my place, and even though i have tried raising the subject with the mother, she hasn't really listened. Today though i convinced her to call the HV herself about getting the child referred to a sleep clinic - in our area the HV calls round first to see if there is any advice she can give. She will then be able to see the child for herself! I think the childs lack of sleep may be contributing to his overall development.
I have also called my Inspecting officer and told her this, and that i was not at all happy with her suggestion of contacting the HV, as, from the POV of a parent, i would be unhappy if soemone went to my HV about my child without my knowledge. It has never even been an issue about abuse, believe me if there was i wouldn't hesitate to contact the relevant services. This isn't about abuse though, its about the opinion of someone who has only seen the child once, for an hour.
I have, as you will know if you read the whole thread, some concerns about the child, which i have tried to address with the mother. Again though, i'm not an expert, and have based my opinion on my own children and other mindees. However the HV will hopefully see the child very soon about sleep clininc and may be able to assess him then. Thanks for your opinions, and thanks for not shouting at me!!

[Isyhan]

Good on you S. well thought through.

[Uwila]

I agree. Good job, S.

Also, I expect it's probably typical for a parent to go through a bit of denial when they are first told that their child might have some prolems.

This is of course different. But, my cousins son is autistic, and it took a long time for him to see it. But, it sounds like she is listening now, so that is good (for the child).