Are you sent home too quickly after childbirth these days?

[canella]

I had all my DC (3 of them) in the UK and the longest i was in after the birth was 48 hours and that was with my first. I was quite happy with dc 2 and 3 to go home the next morning and get on with things at home - never felt like i needed longer to recuperate in hospital since i felt a bit sore down below but otherwise well.

I've now moved to Germany and a good friend had a baby in the early hours of sunday morning. It's her 4th baby and was a natural delivery following induction and she's not expected home till Wednesday at the earliest. I went to see her yesterday and she was in bed and the staff encourage the mums to stay in bed as much as possible and to do as little as possible.

But this is not a "slag off the NHS thread"! I got in the car on the way home and was muttering to myself "She's not ill - she's done a natural thing - no need to lie in bed for 4 days - why doesnt she get up and get home!"

But then started wondering - is this the right attitude - should women be allowed to recuperate for longer in hospital especially when they've got other children and at home there's no chance of rest?

just wondered what others thought?

[canella]

really interesting to hear all the different opinions. i really didnt want to slag off the NHS - i had 3 good experiences having my dc and i understand the pressure for beds and the overcrowding isnt really condusive to a relaxing post natal experience.

I agree that being immobile is the worst thing to do esp after a c/s but to be able to have that time to "babymoon" isnt there most of the time and like loads of posters have said sometimes it feels like your expected to get on with cooking/cleaning etc the minute your home like nothing ever happened.

wasabipeanut - think it might be great to be part of the indian culture. to have that time to heal and to bond with the baby. the more i think about how quickly i was expected to get back to normal the more it makes sense how long it took my body to get back to normal!

[thisisyesterday]

i don't think you're sent home too early, but i do think it's a shame that mums feel pressured to be up and about having just given birth.

i had one hospital birth, and then 2 homebirths. I can tell you i was far more relaxed, rested and looked after following my homebirths (despite presence of older siblings) than i was after the hospital birth. i stayed in for 4 days with ds1 due to feeding problems and i hated it.

i think it's a real shame that mums don't tend to have the big family support network as used to be so common, so often they have no choice but to get on with the housework/childcare etc as soon as they're home.

disclaimer: i realise there are women out there who WANT to be up abnd about and doing stuff, which is also totally fine (even if you are all crazy! lol)

[oranges]

i find it inexplicably sad that women are cooking meals the day they give birth or the day after. surely someone should be able to do that for you? or maybe its my pregnancy hormones making me weepy!

[wasabipeanut]

I have to admit that 1st time round I didn't rest as much as I should have done when I got home. I regarded it as some sort of badge of honour to recover quickly - a fact that I now look back on and think "I must have been insane." I blame it all on hormones. I'd had a c section and thought nothing of trying to lug trugs of wet washing around a week later. With hindsight I'm bloody lucky I didn't do more damage.

This time I am planning on resting as much as possible and taking every bit of help offered regardless of how the actual delivery goes.

[twittertotter]

my mum spent 7 days in the hospital with me... that was 35 yrs ago.

I was told the minimum time I had to stay after giving bitther to dd ( now 8 mo) was 6 hours, I was home 6.5 hours after giving birth.

This was fine for me - no complications, the post natal ward was noisy, overly hot and I just wanted my own things so couldn't wait to get out.

[winnybella]

I always found it very interesting how in UK you go home in a day.

I gave birth in NY few years ago and stayed 2 days.

Gave birth in Paris and had to stay 4 days- that's the way it is- also the do tests for certain genetic diseases 4 days after so you're supposed to stay or have to go back. When I asked whether I could discharge myself after 2 days, they were very surprised and not happy at all- they like to wait few days to make sure everything is ok with mother and baby, I guess.

Agree, though, that it may be nicer to recuperate at home than in hospital with their awful food and overheated maternity wards.

[BlackLetterDay]

With dd (emcs plus nicu stay for dd) I was in for 4 nights, with ds I was in for 2 nights (uncomplicated elcs).

With ds2 I had a planned cs, I had gestational diabetes in that pg and we were monitored for the first 24 hours. I discharged myself after 34 hours (1 night) because I had had enough. I don't generally cope well with hospitals and with my previous pg had around 50+ hours of no sleep and became really ill from it. I had bad pnd after ds1 and was determined to to everything I could to avoid it this time.
The ward was horrible, so hot and noisy and no privacy at all. I just could not sleep whatever I did and just decided to go home. Tbh it was the best thing I could have done, the relief at being home was great, I was sore but I could sleep at last, it was fantastic.

Everyone I encountered after was amazed that I hated the ward and discharged myself (I mean midwives etc) but everyone is different.

[StillCounting]

Much too quickly (in general) I think ...

... whether it's at home or in hospital though ...I think everyone benefits from a few days to adjust and "honour" the experience (if that doesn't sound too precious) - it is such a humunguous event ..

I know it's a cliché to say it, but I really think that if blokes gave birth they would not be found doing the washing up 24 hrs later!

Had el c-section (mainland Europe) and discharged on 6th day ...

Couldn't move because of epidural for first 24 hrs

Then was not allowed to leave hospital until the "first poo" [sorry if tmi] which took a while [ouch!]

But in meantime had breast-feeding help, daily post-op physio and then once I could shuffle, had "lessons" on how to bath a baby, change a nappy, remove snot etc etc Was brilliant.

Dh slept on camp bed in my room entire time too.

[sweetkitty]

My mother was shocked that I was discharged the day after having DD1 as 35 odd years ago you were in hospital for 10 days, not allowed out of bed for the first 5 (even to go to the toilet), babies were taken away at night to allow Mothers to sleep, everyone FF at 4 hourly intervals using timers.

This right enough was the same woman who came to visit less than 48 hours after DD2 was born and moaned at me as I made her a ham sandwich and not a bacon one as she had first though.

I had homebirths with DD2 and 3 and recovered much faster in my own bed without all the noise and goings on in a hospital, how anyone can sleep through that is beyond me.

[fluffles]

i guess it depends how restful 'home' is. if everything goes well with my first then i would like to come home to my own bed, own house and having DH with me 24/7 for the first two weeks.

but i can't believe people on here were cooking for others 12 hours after giving birth. WHY???? if there is ANY other adult in the house they should be cooking. NO WAY am i waiting on ANYBODY except my LO for the first couple of weeks.

i guess a longer stay in hospital would prevent the second situation happening.

[EnolaAlone]

I had to stay in hospital for six days when I had DS as although I had a normal birth, DS was on antibiotics. I was on a bay with four beds and the other three were mainly used for 6 hour discharge, so I actually had the bay and bathroom to myself during the night mainly. I found it useful to have the support from the midwives and the food was actually lovely. I'm a vegetarian and still got a different meal choice every day! Almost all the women I saw were desperate to get home, as was I in the first few hours. I think the rest really did me good though. I think that some of the midwives actually enjoyed having a mum and baby there for a few days who they could get to know.

[thisisyesterday]

hello Enola, i like your name

[EnolaAlone]

Thanks! A fellow fan!

[thisisyesterday]

[Allegrogirl]

I was told I could go home after 2 nights despite having a jaundiced baby who had lost loads of weight and was too sleepy to feed. The MW said I seemed like I could cope (educated, middle class, married). I agreed to go because the ward was so awful but I should have stayed and demanded more help. I had two months of struggling with bf feeding which may have been avoided with help earlier on.

A friend of mine gave birth in a MW led centre where they could stay as long as they liked and got help with bf, bathing etc. Dads welcome all day. Somewhere like that I could have stayed longer.

I'm planning a hb this time and I'm going to be a lot kinder to myself. I tried too hard to be seen to be coping last time and look capable for visitors.

[bubblagirl]

i think it would have distressed me to stay in hospital too long i had transfusion etc was left with baby over night hooked up to drips luckily the nice mw let my dp stay in arm chair otherwise i would not have been able to cared for ds

second night completely alone again no help at all couldn't bf due to meds had no idea what to do in pain hobbling looking for a nurse to get me some formula

i found it awful and lonely felt happier to go home and have support from my dp they kept forgetting to give me my meds as well leaving me in agony oh and i was told i would have someone come to help me bathe ds and show me what to do etc no one ever did

[RockBird]

The first night I spent alone with dd in the hospital was the loneliest night of my life. I was in a private room, dd screamed all night. The mws told me to ring if I needed more formula (looooong story) but when I rang no one turned up so dd kept screaming. I hadn't slept for 48 hours and I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

[sheeplikessleep]

I stayed in 7 days, as DS was jaundiced, wouldn't feed, lost weight and needed antibiotics for an eye infection and so was tube fed in SCBU. I was actually in and out 2 days prior giving birth (including an overnight stay), as my waters broke 2 days previous. So pretty much 9 days in total.

I was absolutely climbing the walls and cried with joy when I got 'let out' (as I called it). I know in hindsight, that I got hours and hours of breastfeeding support, which was very helpful, but I was absolutely desperate to get my baby home and be in my own bed.

I was almost institutionalised towards the end - working around when meal times were, knowing the ins and outs, knowing all of the MWs by first name, receptionists knowing me as soon as I breathed into the intercom to be let in etc. I'm due in 10 weeks and am sure will be asking if I can get out whilst giving birth. I don't want a repeat.

[eagerbeagle]

DS was born here in Thailand and I was in for 8 nights. 3 nights is standard here for a natural birth, 7 nights standard for cs.

I had v bad 4th degree tear so was pretty immobile first few days but would have been ok to go after the 3rd night but then DS developed jaundice and was under the bililights until he was 8 days old when we got sprung. Hospital happy for me to stay as long as he was in.

Now admittedly this was a private hospital (and one that had UNICEF baby friendly status) but the care I had was superb. I had a private room which was cleaned twice a day and day 1, nurse held my hand and walked me to my bathroom and then towel dried me. I was told not to attempt to walk to the bathroom unaided for the first 2 days. DS was in the nursery apart from for feeds because he needed to be under the lamps but because I was in for a week, I had 24 hour support to help me bfeed, lessons in bathing him, nappy changing etc and plenty of rest and sleep as the nurses would bring him to me in the night for feeds. Plus I had treatment for my tear for 8 days (heat therapy) to help it heal faster. Thailand has no home care so once I was out I knew I would be on my own so I really appreciated the support in hospital.

By the time I got home I was feeling great and ready to go and tear pretty much all healed by 6 weeks pp.

However if I had been on a ward, I would have been beating the door down to get out. What I have learned though is that if we have DC2, in hospital or at home, I am spending the 1st week in bed and in my jammies and roping in whoever I can to help with the house and DS.

[MrsTittleMouse]

I was told that the decision to go home was mine, but that was a load of bollocks. When I had DD1 I was hectored to say that I would go home, and then when I asked if I could stay until DH came with the car I was told that it wasn't possible, and literally bundled out of the ward in my pajamas. I had had a very long labour, a traumatic delivery, had lost a lot of blood, and DD1 wasn't feeding well.

I suppose that it's difficult, as I know that the hospital was very busy. I was just unlucky that I happened to give birth when I lot of other women did too. I suppose that I would have rather been told - you will have to leave after a day, we're very sorry. Rather than being made to feel guilty that I wasn't ready and forced out in my PJs feeling really crap.

When I got home I think that I was very lucky that I had a lovely Mum who would turn up with lunch and kept rest of her family to organised visits (mind you, even that was a bit too much for me). But my Dad and DH weren't really clued up at for my first (much better for the second!) and thought that it would "do me good" to get up and get out. They meant very well, but I ended up doing far too much and having very heavy bleeding that set back my recovery.

Things were very different with DD2 - I had an easier delivery, so didn't mind leaving the hospital, and DH was determined that the first 6 weeks were to be survived only - no other expectations!

[Rhian82]

DS had PROM (more than 24 hours between waters breaking and him being born) so they wanted to keep me in for 24 hours after the birth. That took us to 11pm, so we had to stay in another night and finally got home around lunchtime the next day.

I hated it, really hated it and wish I could have gone home straight away. Staying there while DH was sent home was horrible - I needed him and the NHS forced us to be apart. As has been said, you're surrounded by other people's babies crying, you hear all their problems and you're stuck if you want to go to the toilet.

DS wouldn't latch on to breastfeed at first so they were actually reluctant to let me go home when I did as breastfeeding wasn't established. Quite how they thought we'd have more luck in a strange, noisy environment I have no idea. (He eventually got the hang of it at a week old; the midwives who visited at home were brilliant for helping sort it)

[canella]

ok so i think the consensus is that most people dont want to stay in the hospital cause its too busy/noisy/??dirty and they maybe have less support unless they are in thailand like eagerbeagle where the care sounds magical!!!

So maybe its just that women need to feel its ok to come home and do nothing - hard when there are other dc at home and dh's who are normally not used to caring for them 24/7!!! (or maybe i'm just comparing all men to my dh who has no idea what goes on day-day!!)

and maybe they need more support at home from professionals if the hospital isnt the place they want to be!

oh if i was a fairy godmother i would grant this for all new mums!

[shonaspurtle]

Dh was brilliant when I came home. I didn't cook anything for weeks and he'd take over ds as soon as he got home at night once he went back to work.

My mum came for a week as well after dh's paternity leave was up so I wasn't actually on my own during the day until ds was 3 weeks old.

With that support available to me (and a lovely community midwife and bf support just up the road), I would definitely have been better off at home.

It just didn't occur to me to rush around after people and trying to get back to normal - being a lazy slattern stood me in good stead

[eagerbeagle]

I should add that my room also came with a sofabed for DH to stay as long as he wanted and there were no fixed visiting hours so he could stay 24/7 if he wanted (I packed him off home after the first night though)

god help me if we have another and I'm back on the NHS