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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Childbirth

First time LARGE mum, LARGE baby, C section likely - terrified!

84 replies

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 13/12/2004 12:47

Another thread with no initial post!

OP posts:

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feastofstevenmom · 16/12/2004 10:31

artyjoe - as I understand it, any woman has the right to insist on a C-Section if that is their choice

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artyjoe · 16/12/2004 11:01

I thought that, but my consultant said yesterday that they wouldn't do it unless I had laboured and there were problems with baby or labour didn't progress. I'm off to an antenatal class today so will grill the MW about this.

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aloha · 16/12/2004 11:04

Hmmm, the revised NICE guidelines issued recently made it clear that women do have the right to choice in childbirth. I'm not sure what you really want in your heart of hearts, but if you are really set on a section then according to the government's own guidelines you have the right to insist on it.

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feastofstevenmom · 16/12/2004 11:06

and grill the mw about the likelihood of baby getting stuck and all the nasties that the consultant was predicting.

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artyjoe · 16/12/2004 11:07

Aloha, in truth, if the baby was small enough, I'd prefer a drug free vaginal birth, but am finding it hard to think of a birth without having a vision of the baby being stuck If I get to my next growth scan and it's still big then I'll look into and quote the guidelines.

Having said this, last tuesday I was on the labour ward and a woman was in labour opposite me for 4.5 hours, crying her eyes out in real pain and demanding a c section, and they wouldn't do it, they said pethadine and then epidural but no c section. What can you do when in that position?

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artyjoe · 16/12/2004 11:11

Unfortunately the MW also says there is a possibility of the shoulders getting stuck and due to the baby being big there is a worry that I'll lose a lot of blood, but he says they can give me an injection for the blood and as the baby isn't in breech there's no reason not to 'try' for the vaginal birth. The MW also said I could be 'damaged' if not careful due to my SPD. All in all, it seems everyone I talk to is determined to get me traumatised before I even give birth...I've already decided that after today I'm not going to MW or anyone else until my next scan in 3 weeks and what will be will be.

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artyjoe · 16/12/2004 11:12

It seems such a shame that just five weeks ago I was looking forward to a lovely home birth.

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TumbleflumpDancingBum · 16/12/2004 11:12

artyjoe read this it may help calm you down and answert many of the questions you have asked.

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finleysmum · 16/12/2004 11:23

When i had my 1st son he became stuck by the shoulders.It was quite a scary 15 minutes but eventually he came out and was perfectly healthy.He weighed 8lb 14oz.When i became pregnant with my second son i had scan s from 32 weeks to estimate his size.The last scan at 40 weeks estimated him to be 9lb 7oz so i was booked in for a section the next day.The section was fine although i too am a big Mum (size 22/24).MY son was 8lb 15oz but was long and thin like his Dad so i think i would have been fine with a vaginal birth.From my personal experience i would opt for a vaginal birth if you can.You recover alot faster!.
Just wanted to add that my best friend had an emergancy section due to the placenta tearing in labour.She was asleep for the birth and was totally fine.She weighs 21.7 stones!

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Amanda3266 · 16/12/2004 11:41

Hi Joe,

The consultants and midwives around you seem to be scaring you.
I used to be a midwife and, like you, I am big. When I had my baby I knew from around the last 6 weeks or so that he was big. His head never engaged (not compulsory but unusual for a first baby) and my midwife colleagues now tell me that they "always knew you'd have a section as you never walked like a heavily pregnant woman"!

The key thing with a large baby is how labour progresses. Scans can tell big babies but they are notoriously inaccurate at predicting the weight. I've seen many instances where they've been very wrong.
If your baby's head engages then that is a good sign that he/she will fit through the pelvis. I feel that sometimes the problems which occur in labour with large babies are due to the professionals interfering and adding drips to "speed labour along" and forcing an overlarge baby through the pelvis whose shoulders promptly get stuck at delivery. (Very rare thank goodness).

In your case - they know the baby is big so this should not happen. What they should do is give you a trial of labour to see what happens. If it doesn't seem as though the labour is going to progress (for example, the baby's head not showing signs of heading downwards) then they need to abandon that way of delivery and deliver him/her another way. ( if not through the door then through the ceiling ).

In my case it became apparent that after three attempts to incduce me all was not going to be straightforward. They actually offered me the choice of having an epidural just so they could break my waters (I wasn't far enough dilated for it to be a simple process) or calling it a day and having a section. After time to think I decided on a section - my ds was 9lb 6oz - I was glad I'd made that choice.

On the other hand I've cared for women warned of "big babies" who've sailed through labour and birthed their babies with no problems at all - the biggest I ever helped a mum deliver was 12lb 1oz!!!! . Don't know who was more shocked Mum or me. And yes, he was absolutely fine as was Mum - if a little shocked.

HTH a bit

Mandy

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aloha · 16/12/2004 11:48

If you intially wanted a homebirth, does the hospital or a nearby one have a birth centre with really skilled, committed midwives? I think you need a bit more reassurance and a bit less terrifying! A section can be a really positive experience, but it's more likely to be that if it's a real choice, not just something you've been scared into, IMO. We know that growth scans are notoriously unreliable and that women can give birth to very big babies without problems. It's not what I want, but I'm not you, and you sound as if you had a clear idea of your ideal birth which you are being scared out of. Could you afford a doula to help you, perhaps?

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artyjoe · 16/12/2004 12:09

Tumbleflump...the website link is about taking contraception...may be a bit late for that one! I'll search the site though as see if there are any questions relating to my fears

Thanks Amanda and Finleysmum, am really trying to get rid of the negativity now and these positive stories are really helping me.

Aloha, the local birthing centre won't take me due to my 'complicated pregnancy' and the hospital consultant has said I can't have a home birth and so the MW has said it isn't possible...With all this new information I'll approach the MW again today at my antenatal and at least see if I can stay at home as long as possible...they initially told me to get to the hospital as soon as I go into labour so 'senior staff' can be warned that I'm coming in and be ready...after writing all this today I am really getting angry that it is these so called professionals that have actually terrified me and no one else!

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TumbleflumpDancingBum · 16/12/2004 12:14

sorry wrong one try here

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Amanda3266 · 16/12/2004 12:16

LOL . They want you to "come in as soon as possible when labour starts".

Why? What are they afraid of happening if you stay at home for a while?

This is the sort of crap they feed women which made me leave midwifery. So sick of what they do sometimes in the name of "safe birth".

Honestly, unless there is some other complication - as far as I can see the longer you stay at home and are upright (allowing gravity to help labour along) the better.

Just what are they worried about?

Mandy

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aloha · 16/12/2004 12:20

Um, why is your pregnancy complicated??? Just because you are a bit bigger than average? That makes NO sense to me at all. Have you considered a doula?

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Amanda3266 · 16/12/2004 12:46

Hi Joe,

Don't know why I didn't think of this site before. It's a homebirth site but has fantastic information about large babies and the research about them. There are also numerous successful homebirth stories on there from women who were told they couldn't give birth at home because....

Check out www.homebirth.org.uk

Look at "You can't have a homebirth because....

Would have added a proper link but am a techno idiot. It's worth a look just for the success story info it'll give you.

Mandy

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pantomimEDAMe · 16/12/2004 13:10

Good grief. Artyjoe, I don't understand why consultants and midwives are trying so hard to terrify you, unless there are other factors in this. So you aren't a size 8 ? as you can see from here, lots of women aren't, it doesn't make any difference at all. And your baby is 6.6lbs at 35 weeks ? well another two weeks might be full-term for this pregnancy (f/t officially 37 - 42 weeks as no-one can predict when a baby will actually turn up - no-one even knows why exactly labour starts when it does) so what on earth are they panicking about?
Amazed that you are being treated like this. Can you take a deep breath, step back, and think about what you want, and never mind all this scaremongering. Unless there's some other factor here, they have no idea whether big shoulders are going to be an issue. What a load of tosh you are being fed!

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aloha · 16/12/2004 13:12

Mumsnetter Serenequeen had a big baby girl not so long ago - at home! SQ is a perfectly normal sized person who managed a big baby and she didn't seem to be surrounded by chicken-licken-style drs and midwives!

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wickedwinterwitch · 16/12/2004 15:03

I had a 9lb 8oz baby at home a year ago and I'm 5'3" and not enormous (when I'm my ideal weight anyway). Hope you sort this, I hate seeing women being bullied into going into hospital when a planned home birth is definitely as safe as hospital birth. I promise it is, stats back this up.

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pupuce · 16/12/2004 15:47

A friend had a home birth 3 months ago, I reckon she is 5'4 and had a 11lbs 8oz (to her own amazement).... she didn't tear but had shoulder stuck! she said she could feel how big he was !!!!
She had a physiological 3rd stage too.

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alexsmum · 16/12/2004 16:08

How much weight do they think your baby is going to put on in 5 weeks????? Load of crap!

I am a largeish mum.I'm about a size 18 and I had to have a glucose test because of my bmi.
The doctors and midwives kept feeling my bump and saying " wow, you've got a big one in here!!!"
In the end he was 8lb 13oz which I don't think is that big when you consider that i'm also nearly 6 foot!!!

Don't allow yourself to be scared into doing things you don't want to do.
By the way, I have a cousin who had an 11lb 12oz baby vaginally , with no problems.

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Tattie · 16/12/2004 22:12

don't be bullied into the C/S. Growth scans are notoriously wrong and the whole big baby thing is a stick to scare women. I am a midwife and had a huge bump, I went into denial as all my colleagues mentioned my size. Lovely delivery of a 10lb with gas and air. Try and find a midwife who you can relate to, easier said than done sometimes...

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artyjoe · 16/12/2004 22:29

Thanks for all your support, I'll look at the links in the morning when my mind is fresh.

I went to see the MW today at the antenatal and told him I had lost confidence in the profession and have been terrorised by the consultants and hospital staff when only a few weeks ago I was really looking forward to a home birth. I am so pleased that he has stuck with me and said he'll do the home birth so long as we keep an open mind about going into hospital if there are any problems, which of course will be fine.

For the first time in weeks I have begun to believe that things will be okay and certainly don't need to end in being brutalised and traumatised. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I am sure that I can look forward to a more relaxed home birth experience.

I am actually annoyed with myself that I have allowed these people to bully and frighten me for the last five weeks...the same profession who told me nine years ago that I could never have children...proved them wrong on that one, hopefully the same will be said about the birth of my daughter

Wish I'd posted this thread when this all started rather than wait all these weeks

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alexsmum · 16/12/2004 22:32

i'm so pleased for you artyjoe-what a result!

just spend the next five weeks trying to relax and enjoy your last days with your babs inside you. a relaxed mama will really help him/her.

you have a male midwife? how unusual- he's obviously a good one- how do you feel about him?

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artyjoe · 16/12/2004 22:43

Alexsmum, I do have a male midwife and I know that not a lot of people like him, or maybe it's the fact he is male...personally, as I am a very strong businesslike personality, I find his temperament great. He doesn't gossip or fluff things up to make them look pretty but tells it like it is, good or bad, and I like this kind of honesty. He also obviously loves babies and you can tell by the way he talks that he's not bored of witnessing the gift of life. I have a choice of five midwives and if any of them asked me to do something in labour I'd ask why, if my male MW asked I'd just do it without question as I trust his judgement...hopefully he'll be on duty when I go into labour!

He knows how strongly I feel about what has happened and he is prepared to help me, even though my consultant has said absolutely no to a home birth.

By the way, I'm still hoping this raspberry leaf tea will see me to a 37 week term rather than 42!