Positive first birth stories please

[GardenDreamer]

Hello! I'm 40 years old and expecting our first child late November.
I am nervous of the pain but more scared of not doing the birth well. My husband is wonderful and has no preconceived ideas or opinions on how I'll manage, it's all in my head, but what if I panic and what if I become a monster (?!)
In a weird way I'm looking forward to the birth - I suppose I don't know yet how bad it'll be.
Aside from the pain, here's what I'd like to be in the (possibly changeable, unpredictable circumstances): stoical, brave and flexible to the options and ideally keeping a grip on some level of calm, but knowing myself, I'm dreading being: panic-stricken, a pest, horrible to my husband (unintentionally of course) and making a scene... basically although I'm a friendly, calm woman, I'm scared I'm going to turn into the girl in the Exorcist. Agh! I just can't predict what the pain will do to me.
I'm always incredibly calm and composed in the dentists chair and I've had 3 painful root canal treatments (don't shout at me, I know the dentists is NOT the same!!) so maybe I might have some modicum of ability to cope with some pain, but I'm scared of the feeling of exhaustion and fear I guess...
We start NCT classes tomorrow (hooray!!!) and I cannot wait actually! That may help.

I read loads of positive birth stories but they are generally from second births, often (understandably) referencing how good the second birth was in comparison to the first panic-ridden, problematic first... (agghhh!)
So - any positive stories from first births much appreciated please.
Thank you!!!

[user1471134011]

OP youre putting masses of pressure on yourself already - "doing the birth well" is not the same as 'having a good birth experience. You might find on the ay it is one situation you don't have much control over

[GardenDreamer]

Thank you beekeeper17 !! That's very reassuring xx

[beekeeper17]

My first birth was fine and I'm expecting number 2 in a couple of months time and keeping my fingers crossed that I'll have a similar experience (but preparing myself that I might not). I got to hospital about 4 hours after my waters broke (my contractions started about an hour or so after my waters broke but took a couple of hours for me to be convinced they actually were contractions) and had my baby about 5 hours after arriving at the hospital.

I was expecting the pain to be unbearable so whilst the pain was pretty bad, I kept thinking it was going to get a lot worse and was holding off on taking the stronger drugs, but it never did get as bad as I thought it would in my head, and I ended up just using gas and air throughout.

Contractions come and go, and it helped me to think I just need to get through this one and then I'll have another break. And after every contraction I'd think to myself that's another one done, so I'm getting closer to the the end.

Definitely the thing that got me through at the end was remembering that I had been told that when you feel like you can't do it anymore, then you're pretty much at the end and your baby's about to be born. I even remember saying to the midwife that I couldn't do it any more, and very shortly after that the baby was out.

Just be prepared to have to go with the flow on the day and you'll be fine. It is so amazing what our bodies can do, and lots of people have positive first birth stories.

[Salva91]

I would like to share my first baby birth story. I have one baby of 1 year old. I was also too much afraid of pain that I said doctor for c-section by myself. Doctors don't prefer it until critical situation. If BP shoots or baby heartbeat looks too slow then they go for c-section. Otherwise they will always prefer vaginal birth. My doctor was also not willing for a c-section. But my baby bone was very small and baby was healthy. They tried for almost 7 hours after starting labor pain if I could do it. But then they agreed for c-section. As my experience the labor pain was not sever. It was just my fear which lead me for the c-section. I suggest you don't afraid and go for vaginal birth. It is safe for you and your baby. C-scetion has side effects or you can say after effects for the whole life.

[Salva91]

I had pregnancy last year. Now I have one baby girl. I would like to advise you not be afraid. Take the thing easy. If you get stress, it might effect on your BP. Your relax mood will make it easy for you to deliver baby with vaginal birth. I would like to share my first baby experience. I was also too much afraid of labor pain. I thought it was like killing one. But when my labor pain started I hardly feel it. I supposed it back pain due to bed rest. My midwife said me why you didn't call us. I said it is so minimal that I don't even think of it is labor time. She was so surprised at that time. So if you relax your mind and have a active routine then it will be nothing for you. Best of luck for you and your baby.

[ninecoronas]

Good luck! I found the NCT classes really helpful, hope you do too.

[GardenDreamer]

ninecoronas I mean... my spelling!!

[GardenDreamer]

Thank you ninecoranas I like your style!!! x

[Luxembourgmama]

I find the dentist WAAAY more scary. I think i was very very lucky but my birth was great. I went to the hospital for a CTG about 10am on the sunday. I had had some contractions since about 2am in the morning and had only slept a briefly. When they told me to go home because they weren't real contractions i thought yikes! I stayed at home mostly in the bath until around 6pm when we went back to the hospital and they told me i was 5cm dilated i was sooo relieved. Then i got into the bath about 7pm and had to get out at about 9.15pm as my obstetrician was on hols and her colleague didn't want me to stay in the bath as it was my first and they estimated the baby at about 4kg. After a LOT of pushing she was born at 11.14pm. Didn't need any drugs apart from a local anaesthetic for the stitches as i had a tear.

[ninecoronas]

Seconding the people that say "nature takes over" and "there's no right/wrong way" of doing giving birth.
If it helps I:

• howled like a wolf during contractions
  
• mooed like a cow while pushing
  
• punched a bath and hurt my hand
  
• screamed at my husband to get the Tens machine the fuck off me (fair play to those of you who it helped, to me it felt like a thousand angry grasshoppers gnawing on my skin!)
  
• did some poos on the midwife
  
• slurped on the gas and air so hard that I broke the mouthpiece and then yelled at the entire room to sort it the fuck out and fast
  

Although usual me would have been mortified, it actually felt like all these things were completely normal and necessary, and in between managed to give my husband regular thumbs up and big grins to show that really I was fine and this was actually all going really well. You might find you enjoy letting out your primal side!

Baby born with no complications 14 hours after my waters went, the vast majority of which time I wasn't acting like something from a video nasty. I was 36 at the time. Roll on baby no 2, I'm bringing an actual punchbag next time!

[Littlejayx]

I was really panicking for birth but I had the most positive experience.

My waters broke at 1am drove to the hospital two codine tablets at 3 am.

Midwife said I wasn't at all dialated and may be in for 48 more hours. Sent dp to get a drink , went for a wee, then felt the head. Midwife had to run and find him!

6 minutes later my daughter was born with no complications.

[sleepymama81]

I won't share my birth story as it's not really positive, but the end result was. I had a gorgeous healthy DD at the end of it.

What I will say, is that keep your expectations realistic. There is no such thing as 'giving birth well'. You may have a lovely birth (I hope you do) but you may have things happen completely out of your control and feel that things have 'gone wrong' and if this happens it's not because you didn't do well. It's just luck of the draw.

I did NCT too. I'm glad I did as I made some lovely friends but as far as the information I was given about birth goes, while informative, it was next to useless for me. They very much focus on minimal pain relief, as natural as possible etc etc. Which is all well and good if things go swimmingly, but not so good if you go in with a firm expectation or plan of 'this is what will happen' and are then then left feeling disappointed or in some way like you failed because what you were expecting didn't happen.

When (if) you do a birth plan, treat it as your preferences, not a plan. You really can't plan birth!

Good luck!

[Mummyh2016]

My labour wasn't bad really, she was back to back though which is supposed to make it more painful.
Waters went at home at 9am at 37+6, went into the MLU to get checked out, had a sweep and sent on my way with instructions to do all I could to get labour started as I was booked into be induced the following morning. They'd already warned me there were 10 beds on the induction unit and including me they already had 9 people booked for the following day so it was going to be busy.
Contractions started around 2pm but they weren't really painful, I made it round asda anyway!
Went back to the MLU at 8pm when I was having 3 contractions in 10 mins but I was still 2-3cm. They weren't busy so let me stay, at 2.30am I was 4cm then at 6.30am I was 10cm. It took 4 hours of pushing alone, they originally gave me until 9am before moving me to the labour ward for some help as it wouldve been 24 hours since my waters went. They were full on the labour ward though so I got to stay on MLU even though babies heart rate was getting checked between every contraction. She finally arrived at 10.30am at 38 weeks exactly, had to stay in for 12 hour obs as she was born more than 24 hours after my waters went but we were home for 11.30pm. Was offered the chance to stay overnight but I wanted to get home. The pain was horrendous but it went as soon as she was out. Had a 2nd degree tear and one continuous stitch, whatever that means! Because I was on the MLU I could only have G+A, water and paracetamol.

[asongforthelovers]

My first labour wasn't too bad, although I had some issues and had to be monitored so couldn't leave the bed.

My waters went on Friday dinner time and had baby just before 1am. Managed on gas & air, had an unusual tear but other than that went rather well.

[hullaballoo22]

I was absolutely terrified of giving birth but have had 2 amazingly positive birth experiences!! Try to stay calm and not overthink it, there is nothing you can do to affect the birth beforehand, baby will do what it wants! Both times I have had gas and air and water births, such an amazing experience and I only look back with fond memories now! sending you love and luck for your birth

[OCSockOrphanage]

10 hours the lot! Wishing you an equally straightforward happy delivery and enjoy your lovely baby. DS is now 18.

[OCSockOrphanage]

I only did it once, but I was almost 43, and it was as good as it can be. I was about to be induced next day (two weeks late) but it all kicked off at 0200 am so I waited a bit until 5.30 and we went off to the hospital in time for the new day shift to come on. Lovely midwife doing her first delivery after her own maternity leave, so it was a happy atmosphere (helped along by a leaking G&A pipe, which meant DH and midwife were more stoned than me). No interventions, and a couple of small stitches, job done!

Breastfeeding however was a whole new kettle of fish and much worse. We never got it.

I was very fit though, thanks to the family dog, and I am sure it helped.

[AnneElliott]

Mine is a positive story. 3 hours from start to finish, 2 quick pushes and DS was here.

It did hurt, but it wasn't a sort of scream the house down pain. And I have had worse pain so try not to worry too much. I did find hypobirthing helpful though.

[hells456]

I think whether you see a birth as positive or not mostly depends on your own attitude and expectations. Give yourself the leeway to take pain relief if you need it, to make as much or as little noise as your body wants to make. Don't beat yourself up if you need extra help. Don't hold it against yourself if you do feel scared or panicky or rude or anything other than your usual lovely self - no one else will mind!

I feel very positive about my first birth, but all I really wanted was to go in as a couple and end up as a family.

[Ava50x]

Think positive... It'll help you stay positive when the going gets tough. Remind yourself that each contraction brings you closer to seeing your baby. And tell yourself repeatedly that whatever the method- the only important outcome is a healthy mother and baby, no matter how you get there!
My DS1 was born 2 years ago. Had several hours of contractions at home, went to hospital at around 11pm, was checked, open 5 cm. Admitted to birth centre where i got into the pool- ahh, bliss. Really good pain relief. Contractions got more intense and I started begging for an epidural. Gave me gas and air and said I should try with that. Depended on that mask as if it was going out of style... After an hour in the pool was open ten cm. Pushed for ten mins, baby was in distress so needed an episiotomy and out he came!! Was a really positive birth experience. The pool and gas and air really helped with the pain relief and i'm looking forward to another natural birth (hopefully) in a few weeks with DC2.

Was it painful? Yes it most certainly was. But its a different kind of pain, and it does stop between contractions. And the best part is that as soon as the baby is out, the pain STOPS!!

I found that once you get into the contractions and the breathing and just shut out the world, you're not really in control of how you're behaving. So if you're swearing or shouting or moaning or going completely silent- you probably won't even be aware of it later. Its something that just happens and you just go along with it. So really don't worry about how you'll behave- just let your body guide you and get through it in the way that feels best!

Best of luck.

[MyLastUsernameWasRubbish]

The most useful thing anyone told me about birth was "your body is designed for this". I think you can overthink and worry and plan all you like but ultimately, what will be will be. As a word of encouragement, I had a pretty straightforward birth with my first. Waterbirth, no gas and air, 9lb 11 baby. But everyones experience is different. However, once you have a beautiful baby in your arms, you won't care if you screamed at the midwives, pooed on the floor or swore at your partner... Except as a source of funny stories later on perhaps!

[TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries]

You're putting way, way, way too much pressure on yourself.

The thing about birth is that when you're really in it, there is no room for self-consciousness. The other thing is that literally every other person there is there to support YOU and meet YOUR needs. You can be as demanding, rude and weird as you like - the midwives will have seen worse and won't turn a hair, and your husband won't care because you are busy birthing his child.

The best thing you can do during birth is to focus on yourself - what your body's telling you, what you need from your surroundings. If you haven't already I'd definitely explore hypnobirthing to help you have that focus and ditch the self consciousness.

I had a great first birth - 19hrs from first contraction to out, just TENS and water, walked away with slight grazing. Felt like a warrior goddess afterwards, absolutely euphoric. First births can definitely be positive.

[missymousey]

Birth can be wonderful. Make sure you are prepared - as in, you know what choices you may be faced with, you have written them down, talked them through with DH and a midwife, and that you give a copy of your preferences to the midwife when you arrive in the hospital.

Milli Hill's book Positive Birth is a huge inspiration and there are Positive Birth Groups all over the country so there might be one in your area that will help you prepare. Check facebook or www.positivebirthmovement.org/

I had a really long latent phase of labour (4 days start to finish; mostly just breathing but with some gas and air at Transition). I couldn't describe it as anything other than positive. Uncomfortable yes, and occasionally painful but not unmanageably so. You do get little rests in between!

I love PP's description of an intense exercise class! I also came across an analogy in a book once - a man doing something really strenuous might be bright red, grunting or shouting with the effort and the strain on his muscles, but no one asks if he'd like some morphine. It wouldn't help him to accomplish whatever he is doing, and in all likelihood would mean he needed help to complete the task (forceps anyone?!).The difference is that women are accustomed to hearing that you need pain relief in childbirth, they expect it to be painful. Fear of pain makes you tense up, and tension causes pain.

Also, whether you do mindfulness / hypnobirthing or not, practice breathing and massage techniques. For me, no drugs other than gas adn air meant DS wasn't drugged and sleepy when he arrived and could latch on straight away.

[Scoleah]

My First birth went as well as it could.
Woke up at 4am for a Pee, came back to bed and waters went seconds later . Walked around in a circle saying "Shit,Fuck,Shiiit" for 5mins before waking my DH Up.
His Mum took us over the Hospital. I was put in a room. And had a monitor on, by this time (around 5:30am)contractions were thick and fast, called midwife, was told I was over reacting, this was my first Baby, I'd be hours yet!
I pleaded with her to check me, as I wasn't getting any relief between contractions, they were in one big wave, she pulled my trousers off and the head was Crowning. Seconds later she was Out!
Took me 2hours from start to finish!
Good luck with everything

[Sipperskipper]

I would highly recommend hypnobirthing (I used the Calm Birth School).

It helped me to feel calm and in control during the whole of my labour, and meant I was excited about giving birth rather than frightened. (I'm usually a very anxious person!)

My labour ended up being less than straightforward (28hrs of back to back labour with a 9lb 4 baby ending in emergency c section!) - however - at NO point did I feel scared, panicked or like I was suffering - I was able to manage the pain with breathing and gas and air (until the section of course!) - I have a very low pain threshold usually but I really think the hypnobirthing helped me.

Just before the section I had an epidural, which was also great!

I would happily do it all again tomorrow, and my advice would be to look at hypnobirthing.