Did anyone else not feel the urge to push during first labour? And how was it for second time round?

[WinkyTwinglet]

Dear Ladies,

I didn't feel the need to push during my first labour and so I pushed the baby out with nothing to guide me while in absolute agony (drugs aren't often given during labour in Holland even if you're in a hospital...). It has given me a bit of a fear of doing it again, but I need to get over it as I'm 34 weeks .

I was told afterwards that this was quite rare and so far I haven't found anyone else who had this issue.

I was wondering if any other MNers also had this with their first birth and if it was miraculously cured any better during their second?

WT xx

[lollipops124]

I had no urge to push. I was induced and had an epidural

[PeachBoyMom]

I never felt the urge to push during all three of my labor experiences, which were all pretty excruciating! Have no idea why but after all the hype about pushing, to the point of reading about some women who desperately want to push being told “not yet!!”, I felt puzzled and a bit left out🤔. But honestly, who cares if all goes well whether you have the urge to push or not?

[godisgreat]

And I lose most of the pregnancy weight.

[godisgreat]

I've never had urge to push in any of my 3 vaginal births.

[SnackSizeRaisin]

I had no urge to push and lost nearly all the pregnancy weight (3 stone) by 6 months pp. Probably mainly thanks to breastfeeding

[Karmaq]

Hi I know this is an old post, bit I would love to know, dis you find it easier to lose weight after the second pregnancy? I'm trying to figure out if there is a connection between no desire to push and weight gain after labour. Thanks

[Karmaq]

I know this was posted a long time ago, but I would love to know if you had the desire to push with second baby?

[ChairmanWow]

I thought I was the only one too! I has no urge either, it just bloody hurt. It took 3 hours to push him out on gas and air (had had some diamorphine about 5 hours earlier). This was after 33 hours of labour. Apparently DH kept seeing him crowning (like a red cabbage, so he says) but my contractions were every 10 mins so he kept disappearing. Sorry if that all sounds a bit dramatic. Luckily I didn't feel too traumatised by it.

I'm 40+2 and hoping for a very different labour this time.

Can't believe you NL ladies are being denied pain relief for such spurious reasons. I actually feel quite angry that a PP ended up in therapy over it. Our physical and emotional well being shouldn't be sacrificed in such a manner.

[DragonMamma]

First dc was back to back and I delivered lying on my side - zero urge to push but just did it regardless and she was out in 35 mins.

Second dc was planned HWB and no urge to push as such but could feel his head descending so had more of an idea of what to aim for. Only pushed for 10 mins and 3/4 contractions and he came out so it didn't do me any harm.

[mrssmooth]

Another who didn't have the urge to push first time round, I was so out of it on gas & air and pethidine that I didn't have a clue what was going on really! DD1 was delivered with the help of a ventouse so it was kind of taken out of my hands re the "pushing" her out.

With dd2, oh my god was the urge there! I then realised what they were talking about with dd1, made the most bizarre noise I've ever made in my life while she was crowning too! Had pethidine but no g&a as I didn't like the out of control feeling it gave me first time.

Also had the urge to push with dd3 (who, strangely enough, was born in Holland! Small world!!) Didn't have pain relief (although if I'd not told them I needed to push I'd have had a shot of diamorphine ...) wasn't really much time as she was born about an hour and a half after I arrived at the hospital!

[MamaMary]

No urge to push first time as I had an epidural in :)

No urge to push second time either despite no epidural. I was out of it on gas and air mind you! I was simply told to push and I did. In three pushes, she was out, without a single tear :)

[weegiemum]

I'd no urge tp push first time round - dd1 was back to back so her head wasn't making good enough contact with my cervix, so no urge - ended up a ventouse delivery as no matter how hard I pushed, it just wasn't doing it.

Ds and dd2 were both anterior and I couldn't have not pushed, it was overwhelming!

[gerbilsarefun]

I didn't have an urge first time, took nearly 3 hours to push dd out. Second time I was induced at 41+4, mw broke my waters, I started contracting straight away, and soon after I got massive urges to push. The mw didn't believe I was ready, but I proved her wrong. 2 hours 20 mins dd was born. Easy peasy .

[thebestnamesaregone]

No urge to push first time but a short labour and short pushing time. Longer second labour but overwhelming urge to push, and like someone up thread pushed him out in one and massive tear! I'd take the first labour again any time.

[trikken]

First no urge but second i couldnt have stopped even if I'd wanted to. It was so different and a lot lot quicker.

[WinkyTwinglet]

Thank you all for your good wishes and for sharing your stories! They are all much appreciated

SheepNoisesOff - Great idea! Now I'll try to work out how to PM you

WT xx

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

I'm glad to find this thread! I have no urge to push either on my first and only birth. The midwives told me when to push but I didn't know how at all. I can't feel my contractions despite being on no drugs. I just can't. After an hour, they called someone senior in, gave me episiotomy and DD was born with ventouse. I can't believe you were told you didn't try hard enough! I was practically in tears, thinking the baby would be stuck inside, suffocated. I was so scared!

I'm really hoping it will be different this time round. It is encouraging to hear others success a second time round.

[ZuleikaD]

The MW took away my gas-and-air for the second stage with DC1 because she said it was masking the beginning and end of my contractions (meaning I wasn't using them efficiently to push with), so it's not unheard of to do it without pain relief.

[seeker]

I didn't have the urge to push in either of my births. I pushed them put effectively- but no uncontrollable urge that I know others have.

[Chocaholics]

I had no urge to push in my first or second birth. In my first once I was fully dilated the MW left me a little while to see if the urge came, it didnt so I pushed during my contractions and DD was born 40 mins later. Second time once I was fully dilated the MW asked if I had any urge to push, I didn't and said I didn't first time either. She didnt find it odd, just said to push with next contraction, DS was born 3 contractions later.

Second time round birth was much faster and easier, also as I had no urge to push it was very easy to stop pushing when the MW said the baby was crowning and to gently ease DS out.

[SheepNoisesOff]

I wrote that a bit oddly - obviously if you don't have 500 euros you don't have 500 euros, end of. What I meant was that I think it's relatively cheap for a doula, but I think it can be much, much lower depending on your budget.

[SheepNoisesOff]

Winky please do PM me - I'm also in Amsterdam and I'm sure there is something that can be worked out if you really do want a doula. There are a lot of doulas in training at the moment who need to give support at a certain number of births in order to get their certification, I am sure that you could be matched up with one of them and I will do my best to put you in touch with everyone I know! Many doulas work on a sliding scale, too. Mine ended up costing EUR 500 and I swear, it was some of the best money I have ever spent. Ever.

I had such a bloody awful time giving birth to my son (pushed for 1 hour 48 mins, so you beat me there - not a competition any of us would want to win mind you ) and ended up in therapy. Then when I had my daughter - wow! Yes it hurt, but the endorphins kicked in and it was much much easier. I can look back on it and go yeah, I did that! Go me! I would love it if you were able to have the same experience, because it really CAN be like that, even in hospital.

[TheOldestCat]

Blimey, no pain relief. Not even gas and air? I hope the pilot study has the right outcome.

I do wonder if I'd been allowed to labour longer the pushing urge would have come. But both were pretty long (and with DC1, her heartrate was slowing too much) so the midwives told me when to push.

Have pondered whether to say this as I don't want to worry you, but I do wonder if I'd laboured longer with DC2, I would have eventually got the urge and then avoided post-birth complications (rectal prolapse). But I'll never know and I'm grateful it all went as it did and DS arrived fine.

So I suppose, look at MOST of the stories on here - the second time around it seems most people did get the urge. I hope that will happen for you.

[WinkyTwinglet]

Wow! Thanks very much for all your replies, ladies! I was told it was quite rare, so I thought I'd get one or two replies if I was lucky

It sounds like some people did get the urge the second time and some didn't, so there is hope, which is already making me feel much more optimistic.

SheepNoisesOff - I'm in Amsterdam. I've also got a medical indication, so unfortunately I'm not allowed to go to the lovely local midwives and have to give birth at the VU, being looked after by a bunch of overworked, under-empathetic sadists staff who don't believe in pain relief. I really wanted a doula, but after crunching the numbers found that we simply couldn't afford it. When I realised this, I almost cried .

Radiator1234 - I feel like we had the same birth for the pushing part. I pushed for 2 hours and after the first hour they could see the head and I got so excited and then it just stayed like that until at the end of the second hour they accused me of not trying hard enough... Yeah, cause I was really slacking off... Anyway, it turned out that DS had his arm in a strange position and couldn't be pushed out naturally, so thankfully a doctor just happened to pop his head round the door and then come to my aid with a vacuum and the dreaded episiotomy scissors.

Re: the pain relief - the Dutch believe that it slows down the birth and interrupts the hormonal cascade which triggers milk production. Despite the fact that everyone else does it and they manage to bf at similar rates, the Dutch feel that they have to prove it on their own population, before they allow it to happen. I missed out on being part of the pilot study by 12 weeks...