To home birth or not to home birth?? Experiences pls!!

[Nicky1306]

Arghhhhh! I'm soooo confused! This baby has been breach since 24 weeks......had pretty much accepted I'd be having a section...... Find out yesterday at 36 weeks baby is head down and 4/5ths engaged! Which means I can have the home birth I wanted......but now I don't know what I want, did you have a home birth ? How was it? Would you do it again? What was great about it? What was not so great? Thanks x x

[Equimum]

I had a HB three weeks ago with my first child. We entered into it with the view that we'd stay at home at home for as long as possible and listen to the midwives. I had a really long first stage and felt so relaxed being at home. We called the midwife when my contractions were 3/10 and she came out, assessed me as being 3-4cm and asked whether we wanted her to stay. We felt totally in control and able to make any decision. In the end, we called her back three hours later. I spent much of the night in the pool, relaxed and calm, with my DH being the main source of support. Having made it clear that we were using hypnobirthing techniques, the midwife asked us to guide her on what we needed and was very unobtrusive, but kind and compassionate at the same time. The whole scenario was lovely, relaxed and I can't recommend water enough.

In the end, we had some complications which weren't detected particularly early due to being so relaxed. Our baby was more than two pounds heavier than predicted and got a big stuck. After the midwives refusing to believe this, as I didn't seem to be in much pain, I was asked to get out of the pool so they could get a better look. Although I had been told that no procedures could be conducted at home, they felt it was too late to transfer to hospital and prepared to do an episiotomy on my bed. By then, though, the contractions were too powerful and I ended up pushing my little boy out, causing third degree tears and losing a lot of blood. We were transferred to hospital ASAP and I was stitched up under a spinal block.

Okay, so this may not sound like a positive homebirth story, but we are still relieved we had a homebirth. Why? 1) I was lovely and relaxed throughout, until the very last hour, 2) because I was relaxed, our baby's heartbeat remained calm until the final moments, 3) I still dread the idea of transferring to hospital by car in advanced labour, 4) i got to be in water for several hours, which really helped and meant I did't need any other pain relief, 5) had I been in hospital, it would almost certainly have been a forceps delivery, which I would have found much more distressing, and 6) had we been in hospital, I would have felt much less in control. No, we didn't get to have cuddles in our own bed, although I did have asking-to-skin there before we transferred, and no, the final stages weren't beautifully serene, but 98% of labour was just as I had wanted it. I think the message is, just be prepared that things can go wrong, but know that the midwives know what they're doing and are prepared for these events.

As for mess, I lost over a litre of blood when on my bed, but the mess was relatively limited. I had planned to birth in the pool, so hadn't really prepped the bedroom, however, the midwives did put the bed pads and spare sheets we had out down. We also put shower curtains (78p from Asda) on the carpets throughout the house. In the end, all the towels were covered in blood, as we're the sheets, but the midwife who didn't come to hospital put them all in the bath to soak, and most were as good as before after a wash with some Vanish. So, just be prepared, have plenty of towels ready and cover any surfaces you don't want stained.

Good luck...I hope you get the perfect homebirth!

[sheeplikessleep]

Aww, some of these stories are so lovely.

I've had two hospital births, first was long, drawn out and intervention after intervention.

Second was much shorter and had just gas and air and a bit of pethidine half an hour before giving birth.

I'm pregnant with DC3 and tempted to homebirth this time, but the mess really puts me off (that would stress me out) and having the boys here too, I'd worry about them getting scared when I go in transition.

My MW is very pro HBs and she said I'm the ideal candidate as my second labour went so well.

I wish there was some sort of option in hospital where you could give birth and then go home like an hour later with DH and not have to stay in. It's the bloody paperwork afterwards that really grates me!

[VenusRising]

Such lovely stories!
I suppose the after care is important, tbh giving birth can be painful and terrifying at the best of times, but seems more daunting with lots of different people coming and going and the stuffiness and noise of a hospital can be off putting. Also sometimes you don't get a private room afterwards, and the noise of the drugs trollies, blood pressure equipment, food trollies, of other people's hair dryers, the smell of other people's spray deodorants and hair spray, and even the screaming of other peoples' babies and visitors' chat can be really off putting.

I suppose the question for the OP is, how old are you? And are you healthy? Is everything uncomplicated, and how comfortable do you really feel about pushing a baby out your vagina?

If you are a little bit reluctant in any way for a birth without the back up of a hospital, then pack a bag and keep it in mind that you very well may transfer for some serious help at some stage.

If you're happy enough with your mid wife and have a good feeling about the support you have, then I'd say go for a hb.

And lastly, Good Luck, because it is all down to the luck of your womb doing the work, and the baby's head position at the end of the day! Think about the birth in the same way as an orgasm. If you're happy enough having them with lots of strangers around, in a drafty or stuffy noisy atmosphere, then go for the hospital, if you prefer something more intimate and controllable, then home is best.

[thunksheadontable]

It wasn't for me. I booked it at 34 weeks or so, got the pool, sorted the tarpaulins and champagne and all sorts. When labour started and the midwives showed up, I knew almost instantly that despite all my prior beliefs that it would make me less anxious it was having the opposite effect. I just couldn't do it. It felt weird having people in my house. I didn't feel in control or relaxed or any of those things.

Happily, the homebirth midwife was very understanding and flexible and she got the home from home suite booked for us and she allowed me to 'acclimatise' by labouring with just Dh and quiet checks until I got to 6cms.. so I got a beautiful relaxed non rushed water birth anyway. I was so lucky.

[marmiteandhoney]

I had my first four at home. I had my fifth baby last week in hospital (had to be induced) and I'd never choose it unless I had to. The mws at hospital didn't trust me to know what to do in the slightest, and every little thing was a fight (plus my perfectly-fine-baby got clamped, and cut, and wrapped up within moments of being born, despite this being clearly against my wishes, and completely unnecessary).

I mean, it was ok , in that I got to come home with a lovely baby, but not the empowering confidence-as-a-parent birth that I've had with my others.

[PickleSarnie]

My homebirth was sooooo much better than first hospital birth.

First time around was taking forever to progress, had epidural and syntocin and then almost ended up with ventouse. Two long, lonely and horrible nights in the hospital. Cried all night (had own room thankfully!)

Second time didn't quite go to plan but was still a million times better. Midwives came after couple hours of regular contractions, my BP was a couple of points above what it should have been so they sent me to hospital. Resigned myself to a hospital birth. They hooked me up the monitor and saw that my BP was slap bang in the middle of average. So they sent me home again. Was v v weird driving away from hospital whilst in labour. It's of potholes and the "sports" suspension in DHs car meant that everything ramped up really quickly. Waters broke on the way home ( we no longer have that company car - I pity the person who now has it and has probably switched on the heated seats in this cold snap!! ).

Staggered out of car, slumped over birth ball whilst DH tried to get hold of the midwives whilst trying to fill up the pool. Midwives arrived shortly before the pushing phase ( which was well before this pool got full). Had 4 pushes and DS2 was born on the living room floor.

Not exactly the calm water birth I'd wanted but was so lovely to have a shower in my own bathroom and sleep in my own bed with DH. Oh, and my toast and coffee was so much nicer than NHS toast and coffee!

[BatCave]

I had a no frills no fuss home birth with my second, all the pros reiterated from above. Such a positive experience and I would do it again. Didn't have the birth pool (no room little money) just had a king size duvet, towels and a shower curtain. Tens machine and fairy lights :) fantastic.

My DH was not keen but he's now converted. Peaceful and calm, my daughter slept through y labour and just woke up at the end (from the front door opening) as his head was delivering - and she was so excited!!! Midwives were fantastic (2nd nearly didn't make it in time) a world away from my hospital birth with dd.

[DeTamble]

I had a home birth, baby born on bath room floor. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I would also say to any one without any medical condition ruling out a home birth to go for one, because you can always transfer later on, and hopefully you won't have to. Go for a home birth and you're quite likely to get one, go for a hospital as first option then there's no chance you'll get a home birth.

[LittleMissSnowShine]

Can I just interrupt this discussion to bring us back to VenusRising's tip??

[Consils]

I had mine in the garden because I didn't realise how messy it was and the rented house had white curtains.

[clickingtock]

Yes, but not sure I agree with venusrising about age being an issue. I had two HBs at 38 and 41 and know others in same boat. Good health, position of baby and timeliness most important (eg, can't have preterm HB and you will be under pressure for induction from around 41 weeks...)

[CinnabarRed]

I have very fast labours. I was instructed to have a HB for DS3 because DSs1&2 had come so fast.

Bloody lucky I did too! Midwife 2 didn't get here until it was all over, less than an hour after DH rang the labour ward. Midwife 1 only arrived 15 minutes before DS3.

I loved my HB. Wouldn't have changed a thing.

[Solopower1]

What's brilliant about so many of these posts is that having a home birth is now seen as a perfectly valid option.

When I had my first child at home (30-odd years ago), everyone thought I was headstrong, even wilfully reckless. I knew no-one else at all who had had one, except for my mother, ten years previously. One doctor said that because I had small hands and feet I would have a small birth canal. I was 36 weeks pregnant before I found a doctor who was prepared to allow it!

These things seem to go in fashions, but I'm very glad women are encouraged to have home births now.

[FrankSpenser]

Both my two children were home births. Water birth home births.

I'd thouroughly recommend HB as long as no significant high risk complications are noted, which is obvious really.

I shaln't (sp?) be having any more children again, but IF the oppertunity arose again, it'd be HB no doubt. The thought of Hospital birth is so alien to me now.

Apologies for the poorly written text. I'm so full of ill!

[JiminyCricket]

Opted for hospital first time because didn't know what to expect - great experience of the delivery suite, but poor experience of being in hospital afterwards (dd1 didn't feed well and no support given). Super home birth second time. We hired a heated birthing pool, two lovely midwives turned up when needed (several midwife visits prior to that). Had to go into hospital afterwards anyway (retained placenta), but ambulance was really quick and I was weirdly blissed out by endorphins from birth experience (certainly didn't have this first time after epidural - just felt overwhelmed and teary). If I was doing it again I would be very insistent on good checks that the baby wasn't an undiagnosed breech - my midwife sent me into hosp for a scan to check this anyway. One point is to be aware of how much cleaning up your birthing partner might need to do afterwards - can be a bit overwhelming.

[Yfronts]

I so wish my last birth had been a home birth! It was so smooth and I quite enjoyed it.

[HenD19]

I'm 24 wks with DC3 and after 2 hospital births I'm tempted by homebirths but worried as needed ventouse for both deliveries. 1st time as I was exhausted and 2nd as baby's heart rate dropped. Think I'd worry too much about the end at home??

[ConstantCraving]

Home birth all the way. Had DS in hospital - a technically normal birth but felt detached from the whole thing and 'done to'. I had DD at home in a birthing pool (aged 40!) and it was completly different. Peaceful, calm, i found it much easier to manage the contractions - DH still raves about it now! Midwives were excellent and cleaned up all the mess and made me toast afterwards. Had a bath in my own bath and then was cuddled up on my sofa with DH and DD and champagne . Perfect!

[Sevillemarmalade]

Both my children were born at home and I couldn't be more enthusiastic about home birth if I tried! Both labours were short and easy to manage, I had dedicated, caring midwives and the constant reassuring presence of DH throughout, plus all the space and privacy I needed in familiar, comfortable surroundings, own bathroom, own bed, access to whatever food and drink I wanted when I wanted it...it was all brilliant. I didn't need pain relief apart from paracetamol but did use a hypnobirthing CD throughout both pregnancies which I think helped me be relaxed.

Was it messy? Yes! But mess was cleaned up - and a stained carpet was the least of my worries as I faced loads of breastfeeding difficulties, PND, shock at how my life had changed overnight (not so bad with the second baby, but that brought new challenges!). BUT the overwhelmingly positive birth experiences helped me get through the tough times. Choosing home births was the best decision I've ever made. Good luck, OP, with whatever you choose. If you go down the hb route I would heartily recommend 'New Active Birth' by Janet Balaskas for information and inspiring stories.

[ImKateandsoismywife]

HenD19 my first dc was born by ventouse and I had a lovely calm intervention free homebirth second time around. I was still considered low risk in my second pregnancy and my community mw was very encouraging of my homebirth plans so don't assume that your history will prevent you from having a homebirth

[loubielou31]

DD1 Planned homebirth but transferred to hospital. DD2 Chose a hospital birth but in a nice hospital.
Both hurt a lot!
DD1 I prepared for a homebirth and laboured at home for most of it but DD got quite stuck so transferred to hospital and needed every intervention short of a cesarean to finally yank her out leaving us both battered and bruised.
Being at home was probably nicer than being in hospital for all that time and arriving at hospital in an ambulance means you completely bypass the admissions process. The midwife who'd been with me at home stayed with me until after dd was born, she was lovely. At no time were either of us in any danger and all was properly managed.
DD2 I chose to go to hospital, we'd moved house and lived further from a hospital. It was also a hospital I knew and had heard good things about so was happier to go there. In hindsight I was really pleased because whilst labour was really short and a homebirth would have been absolutely fine the mess took the midwife ages to clean up, whilst I just had a bath. even with all the preparations I'd made it would have taken ages to clean everything at home.(also and this is different from hospital to hospital both DDs had tongue ties but I was able to have DD2s snipped on the day she was born which I feel made BF so much easier)

[LemonBreeland]

I've had a hospital birth and two home births.

The hospital birth was fine, well 3rd degree tear but apart from that okay. The lack of help on the postnatal ward was appalling. I barely saw a mw in 3 days, except to give me medication.

DS2 HB was wonderful. I chose HB partly because my first labour was pretty quick. I found that I felt much calmer, and having a bath then my own bed was brilliant. I had a small tear but was stitched at home. 1hr 45 mins from start to finish.

DD was also a HB following on from my previous good experience. Unfortunately my labours sped up dramatically and with DD I was in labour for less than an hour. The MW didn't make it in time and DH had to deliver DD with the help of a 999 operator on the other end of the phone. I was just unlucky that the mw on call was coming from near the hospital rather than my local mw who lives in the next village. The mw turned up just after DD was born, and an ambulance right after her.

I did have to go to hospital as unfortunately had another 3rd degree tear, but would never have made it to hospital to give birth, so HB was still the right choice.

[JumpJockey]

I had Dd1 at home, in a pool, and it was an amazing experience. First twinges at about 6 am, sent dh off to work (first babies always slow...!) Doula came at 9, called Dh home, they got the pool set up while I walked around the house lots, got in pool about 12 after MW agreed things were getting going, DD1 born at 2.30. No tearing or grazes, had a big cuddle with her in the water, then we went upstairs for a sleep in our own bed while DH cleared everything away! I must point out that we live about 10mins from the nearest hospital, I might have been a bit more nervous as first timer if were miles away.

We planned HB for Dd2 but she arrived a month early so had to go to hospital, but having had a very good active birth experience first time I felt confident to say actually no, I don't want to lie down on my back, if you need to monitor could you do it while I stand up? The MWs (one was a trainee) were brilliant, very hands off and only took her away very briefly to check she was ok, weighed in at nearly 7lbs so they gave her straight back to me for cuddles. So having a "this is a HB" attitude really helped make that be a good labour experience. It was quite easy to block everyone out and focus just on me and DH, curtains closed, no interruptions etc.

Someone's bound to have mentioned Ina May Gaskin, if not get a copy of her Guide to Childbirth for lots and lots of inspiring birth stories. I would definitely try for a home birth if we had another baby.