giving birth away from home, what about post-natal care?

[bez]

Hi, I'm a bit upset about this as I'm planning a home birth and have a wonderful midwife but we have just realised our holiday is booked for when the baby is due. Really don't want to cancel.

Will I have to stay on holiday longer so I am there for at least ten days after the birth for post natal checks or if the baby comes early before we go away, will I be "allowed" to go away before the ten days care is up and just miss out on some of the checks? I have been told by a friend that its illegal not to have the ten days post-natal care.

One more thing, how soon after giving birth is it okay to go out with the baby, as I can't wait to take the baby out for people to admire wherever I am? Is it bad for the baby's health to go out in the first few days other than to get home from hospital if you're having a hopsital birth for example?

[pupuce]

Where are you going on holiday? How far from home?

If you think a hospital is a safe environment,....... think about all these infections !

Is this your first baby ?

[bez]

I don't want a hospital birth pupuce. I hate the idea of one but all I am concerned about is the post-natal care. I'm not leaving the country but am going a fair distance.

[pupuce]

The question remains is it your first baby ???? I ask because the pn care differs... your expectations is different... and if you are going to be a fair distance are you planning to birth where you will be on holiday ? then you would have the care from where you are...

BTW it is not recommended to do long car drives days before the birth - if anything because it is most uncomfortable.

[bez]

Yes, this is my first baby

[Oakmaiden]

How far in the future are you looking? When and how long will your holiday be? Where are you going?

There is no legal requirement to see the midwife for 10 days post birth - although the midwife has a legal requirement to be availableto you during that time. However, you can be transferred between midwives in different areas - so if you had your baby in o area, they could send your details to a midwife in another area for p/n care.

YOu can go out with the baby as soon as you feel up to it. Just be sensible.

Really it depends on your holiday as to whether you can do this, but I can't help feeling it is not such a great idea. I'm not sure you will enjoy your holiday much, either with a new born baby OR if you are due/overdue and on the verge of going into labour. Late pregnancy is not a comfortable time!!! Most people find they just want to snuggle up at home and rest. I'm just wondering if this holiday will end up a disappointment, especially since it is your first and you really have no clue as to how you are likely to be feeling (not that having done it befoe necessarily helps).

Sorry to be negative.

[Philippat]

To be honest it sounds like the post natal care is likely to be the least of your problems!

You'd need to take quite a bit of stuff with you on your holiday, you'd be away from home for the birth which slightly defeats the purpose of a home birth, you'd probably have to do lots of work to arrange the home birth care in a place away from your actual home and where the ante natal care was (or spend money and get an independent midwife who potentially you might not even use), you could find you or your baby ending up in a hospital a long way from home and having to extend your accomodation at the last minute, you'll only want to sleep for the last bit of your pregnancy when you're on holiday, and you'll face a long drive home with lots and lots of breastfeeding stops and when it hurts to sit still for any length of time and you're too tired to drive.

Sorry, but definitely not my idea of a good holiday! Can you really not bring the holiday forward a couple of months?

[Tissy]

Bez, excuse my bluntness, but I think you're being very unrealistic! You haven't said how far on you are, but I really do think you should forget about your holiday, and concentrate on having a successful HOME birth!

Everything will be arranged for your home birth to occur in your home- if you go away, you are expecting too much of the "system" to drop everything else they had planned and run to your aid! Unless, as Philippa has said, you can arrange an independent midwife to take you on, without the benefit of having met you or done your antenatal care, I think you should stay put! Where are you planning to stay? I can't imagine any hotel or s/c accommodation being chuffed at the idea of you planning to give birth on them- accidents are one thing, but deliberately? If you're staying with friends/ relatives are they aware of your plans?

Please rethink!

[pupuce]

I did suspect it was your first.... whilst I don't think it helps to make a HUGE fuss.... you need to be realistic... you will be knackered after the birth.... Presumably this will be a winter baby - he/she can go out but you have to be careful when it is very cold....
I travelled 4 hours 12 days after my first son's birth... VERY hard ! I could not sit (yes you can get very sore... what if you were sticthed up?), I was still tired, we had to stop three times to bf... luckily baby was very good except in the last 30 minutes where he could not stop crying....

You say : Really don't want to cancel.

You might find that parenthood will make you sacrifice things....

[motherinferior]

Bez, I'm with the others - I can't see how you can have a 'home' birth on holiday. And I also can't imagine going on holiday a few days or weeks after having a baby - in fact I'd have difficulty doing it NOW, six weeks later! With my first birth, I didn't feel up to going out at all for about two or three weeks...we really aren't trying to be gloomy, but babies and childbirth are HUGE events to cope with.

Please re-think. And perhaps spend the holiday money on some help with the baby/house - you'll need it. Really.

[pie]

I too would say cancel the holiday. You say you have a wonderful midwife, which I think is vital for a home birth. If you have a trusting relationship with your carer now there is no guarantee that if you inist on not going into hospital if you go into labour on your holiday that you will get someone sympathetic or that you even remotely like.

Also as this is your first you don't really know what you will labour like. So it would be even more important to have someone you trust if you want to stay home, rather than someone who may railroad you into coming into hospital. If you are at home and something happens where you or the baby need to be in hospital surely this would be alot easier if you aren't away?

HTH

[bez]

Thanks for all your replies; its just that loads of money has been spent by partner's relatives and I know they will moan like mad if its cancelled. There is not that much travelling but I know it will be awkward.

I was looking forward to the holiday and feel I need one but now I've realised its for when I'm due, even though the baby might not come then, the main reason I want to go is because of hoiw funny the relatives can be.

I am grateful to them but at the same time I'm scared stiff of them. Of course I am vulnerable at the moment, emotionally so that makes me more worried about how they'll react.

[Oakmaiden]

Why not say to them "Oh, lawks, I've just realised that the baby is due right in the middle of that holiday we booked, I don't know what to do!!!" and see what they say. I would have thought that it is one of the few reasons for not going that they would completely understand - but then, folks is weird, sometimes. You are going to have to say something at some time though.

[pupuce]

I can NOT believe your relatives would NOT understand that it is not a very good idea to go on that holiday around your due date...

[Katherine]

Poor you Bez- you must be feeling very fed up. Especially with all this negative advice about going - but I have to say I agree with everyone. With my first I tore badly and was really brusied. I just wanted to be astride a bidet for the first few days - getting in and out of bed was agony and as for coping with baby - wow that was a shock! I had my second at home. It was a very different labour and 2 days later we drove an hour into the city to buy a new car. The point is all births are so different and you just can't know what to expect.

If all goes well then you might feel up to being out and about within a day or so, but equally you might want to stay put.

Also as someone else mentioned what about all the extra gear you will have to take. You'll have to take the seat, somewhere for it to sleep, clothes, nappies etc. Your car will be brimming and you might not even need them.

I was due yesterday and beleive me I don't want to go ANYWHERE at the moment. The thought of a long drive would make me cry.

But do you really have to cancel the holiday? Why not see if you can postpone it by say a month or 6 weeks - that way all your relatives would get to meet the baby. Or else bring it forward a month or so - I was camping in Devon a month ago - hard to beleive now but I enjoyed the holiday then. If you've got a large party booked somewhere then I am sure there will be some flexibility about shifting the dates and no-one would want to loose a large booking. I think if you could take the holiday slightly later it would be something to really look forward to and I bet your relatives would love the idea.

[pie]

Just a thought, if you are worried that your inlaws will 'moan like mad' if you pull out, aren't you going to stress the whole time that you might go into labour and they will have to change all their plans, possibly abandon their holiday and assist a labour or have to pay extra for accomodation because you'll need to stick around as you may not be fit to travel.

Do they realise when your due date is??? They may feel uncomfortable going on holidy with you when you are due, kwim?

Either way, the kind of birth you want, and the health and saftey of you and your baby should be your priority. Inlaws always find a reason to be pissed off anyway o)

[aloha]

If they "moan like mad" then they are mad, IMO. Completely bonkers, potty, crazy. And therefore, as loonies, their opinions shouldn't count. Of course you can't go on holiday around your due date - particularly as you have planned a home birth and have a wonderful midwife. You DO NOT want to go into labour and have a baby in strange and unfamiliar surroundings. Cancel or change the date. Or your inlaws could ask someone else instead of you. It's not your 'fault' you are having a baby when you do, it really is out of your control. Get it over with, and then enjoy your time and look forward to your baby.

[WideWebWitch]

Quite aloha. Bez, I agree with everyone else. Err, you're having a baby, it's a big deal, you simply can't go on holiday on your due date. Madness IMO!

[ScummyMummy]

Sorry- I'm giggling away at this thread. bez honey- welcome to mumsnet. If you're serious I am in awe of your optimism... Sorry to sound like a patronising spoil sport but I really do agree with the others that you may well change your mind about the holiday nearer the time- in the earlier stages of your first pregnancy it's quite difficult to imagine how big and uncomfortable you'll be by the end. You will probably want to give the birth quite a bit of thought too and plan it as far as possible, considering home, local hospitals or other options in your area like midwife centres if there are any. Don't worry about taking the baby out to be admired ibn the first few days though. As long as you're both feeling up to it there should be no problem there.

[SueW]

When are you due? If you've only just realised then surely you can't be too far along? If you have to cancel this far in advance then either they will only forfeit the deposit or they will get it back.

What about holiday insurance? Do they get automatic holiday insurance through their credit card which would cover this (provided you didn't know you were pg when they booked it of course.

[motherinferior]

Can your partner front up to the in-laws? Would that make it easier?

Re going out with the baby - it's lovely to show your baby off, but bear in mind that you may not feel up to it so pleeeeease don't arrange too much in advance; take it as it comes. DON'T feel you have to have visitors (like your inlaws?)that you're not up to, so be wary of agreeing now that of course they can come for days and days and days straight after you've had the baby. This is YOUR baby, and your energies (or lack of them).

We do sound gloomy, don't we? Babies are lovely, as well as demanding, of course.

[Wills]

Bez, Motherinferior makes a good point about not booking too many commitments. Its fine for you to run around showing baby off if you feel up to it but only if you're up to it. Also a very good point about the in-laws. You sound nervous of your in-laws so be careful. Mine arrived in force on the second day when I was feeling particularly raw. I get on very well with them but even then I remember their visit with complete horror especially the bit where my FIL decided to tell the mw to "go away and come back later duckie" because my MIL was just serving Sunday lunch and it was inconvenient . She stood her ground, came in, demanded some carrot cake (like I've ever eaten carrot cake) and then proceeded to ask questions of me about my stitches, sex life and breasts whilst my FIL sat at the table humming - "why are we waiting".

Ugh !

[LIZS]

Bez ,

Assuming this is for real, I'm afraid you are rather underestimating what is involved and how you may feel at the time. I think you In-laws would be rather more put out at the possibility of you giving birth in a hotel, or whereever you are planning to stay, than if you have to give it a miss. If you are already wanting a home birth surely it is not sensible to plan to be elsewhere at the edd as you would have few of your own things around you and probably feel extremely self conscious. There is surely more likelihood of ending up with a hospital birth if you are not local.

How far are you planning to go. Perhaps if you feel fine at the time and it is not far you could go just for a day ? I remember that we took a short break in the New Forest 3 weeks before ds was due and although I enjoyed it I was a little concerned even though we were only 1.5 hrs from home. Even took a few bits and pieces with me "just in case".

[Northerner]

Bez, I'm gonna get right to the point my dear. Cancel the bloody holiday for christs sake!

Your in laws have to understand - it's not like your making up a feeble excuse, your going to give birth!

If you baby is slighlty early you will not feel like packing and going on holiday so soon after the birth, and if you baby comes whilst on holiday you will just want to go home, and the journey back could be uncomfortable for you etc.

Trust us on this one!

[zebra]

BEZ: Blame the doctors. Phone up the relatives and tell them your GP got the due date wrong, and you are under doctor's orders not to travel 2 weeks either side. Problem solved?!