Long term, generalised anxiety 11 year old

[parrotonmyshoulder]

Also posted in Preteens.

DS was an anxious baby, toddler, child. We always thought that just being kind, thoughtful, listening, would be enough. But it isn’t. He’s now an anxious 11 year old (Y7), now expressing worrying feelings of sadness, maybe verging on depression. Says he doesn’t care about anything.
He isn’t much of a talker and has always hated and resisted attempts to help him talk about his feelings.
Has anyone has success with any particular sort of therapy for generalised anxiety at this age?

[Phineyj]

He's probably a bit old for it (you might have to describe it as something else...) but play therapy could be good as you are doing something not just talking.

My DC has different issues and was younger, but we found it useful.

We found our therapist using the Owl Centre database online.

Bit random but how does he feel about horses? Time around horses seems to benefit some children.

[parrotonmyshoulder]

Thanks. He’s really frightened of horses. Not keen on animals generally. A bit unpredictable I guess and was frightened by a dog when younger, although we have a gentle one of our own who he’s not bothered by.
I don’t think he’d find play therapy too young, but local therapists here work with younger children. Art therapist has no space.

[Phineyj]

We had to sit on a waiting list for a while to see the play therapist. I suggest you get on waiting lists.

Have school got anything to suggest or offer? Counsellor, intervention groups, games clubs, Lego club? Stuff in the library? Year 7 anxieties are very common.

[parrotonmyshoulder]

His anxiety isn’t new though, not just about year 7. It’s a general personality thing that’s always been there but getting more concerning.
I’ll look at the waiting lists, thanks.

[Phineyj]

I have a young adult relative like this by the way.

I read a tip once that with anxiety it's good to explore "what's the worst that could happen" type scenarios and then what you would/could do if they occurred.

As far as I know the parents never did this.

Another possibility to consider: is your son neurodiverse in some way? This can cause constant anxiety through sensory overwhelm or just feeling out of step or not understanding why people do the things they do.

If he doesn't like to discuss feelings, another possibility is he's not good at identifying or labelling them. I found watching telly (The Dumping Ground was good) and discussing how the characters might feel was good.

[parrotonmyshoulder]

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I guess we’ve been dealing with this for a long time and it feels like we’ve tried most things. Apart from individual therapy of some sort for him.
He finds the ‘worst that could happen’ lines of thinking really hard, as his catastrophic way of interpreting life makes him think that very thing will happen.
Neurodiverse - he has a diagnosed language disorder. He still needs help with anxiety though.

[WhenIsTheGeneralElection]

Hi, Have you read about EBSA? Anxiety is rife among this age group right now. We're in the eye of the storm here too.

[SilverBranchGoldenPears]

Following as the mum of an old 11 year old girl who‘s falling apart with anxieties. You have my empathy.
With my older daughter, she started having online 1:1 therapy but that was during Covid and I’m still not sure that this was wholly worth it.

[distinctpossibility]

My 12 yo DD (who is autistic) benefitted from some emotional literacy type sessions. Our local one is called JW Bridge the Gap so they might be able to signpost you somewhere local. They are a local CIC that run the sessions for about £60 an hour. They spent a lot of time talking about interoception so how different emotions feel inside the body (tingly, tummy achey, hot etc) kind of stopped her getting anxious about the anxiety a bit. She explained to me once that "I like running because my heart beats fast but there's a reason for it. My heart beats fast a lot of the time because I'm nervous." So definitely regular strenuous exercise - letting her feel the limits her body could get to and still recover somehow helped her know she'd survive and get through the anxiety.

Out of interest, does the anxiety go away / lesson significantly in eg the school holidays, in the summer, once his birthday is over etc? As it could be that there is a particular "trigger" (school, or SAD, or a special event) that is raising his baseline anxiety so much that any little thing tips it over into unmanageable.

[parrotonmyshoulder]

Hi, yes I’m a special needs teacher. Know a lot about EBSNA and have worked through it with older sibling. He’s in a small private school, best available option in our area (alternative is a 2500 place secondary with very poor provision especially SEND).
School isn’t actually the issue - he’s anxious about school, but he’s anxious about everything.
Sorry, I sound like I’m rejecting everyone’s ideas. I’m not, it’s just that it’s been going on for his whole life, so I feel like I’ve tried them all. I’ve had five years of therapy myself to help deal with it. Just didn’t think he would cope with it himself but now I have to try as it’s getting worse.

[parrotonmyshoulder]

To PP above who asks if it lessens in school holidays. No, it’ll be the next thing. So birthday, yes, but then holiday, back to school, next event, Christmas, weekend, school week. Just living in perpetual anxiety.
We’ve done emotional literacy work together, but it needs to be someone else now I think:

[Phineyj]

Has he seen a paediatrician? I am wondering if there is medication that could be explored.

My DD has ADHD as well as ASD and while I haven't sought out ADHD medication for her, I did a lot of reading about it a while back and some of the ADHD medications seem to have beneficial effects on anxiety as well. I don't know about medication specifically for anxiety though.

DD is on melatonin and I am convinced after years of observation that she makes less of it naturally than average.

[Boombatty]

Have a look at the havening technique. It has a lot of scientific backing about how it can change neural pathways. I suspect there is a YouTube video showing you how to do it. Paul McKenna does it too I think. Suitable for children.

[parrotonmyshoulder]

No he wouldn’t meet criteria for paediatrician referral here. I think medication might help, but we won’t get there.

[NameChange30]

Has he been assessed for autism?

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

My Dd was like this. Diagnosed at 16 as ASD.

However the real breakthrough came with ADHD diagnosis in January. The medications have reduced her anxiety dramatically. And she hasn’t even finished titrating them. Shes much happier and more relaxed.

[Phineyj]

That sounds a bit defeatist! While I understand where you are coming from, if I'd just accepted all the 'doesn't meet criteria'/no-one gets an EHCP round here' stuff about my DC, we'd be in a dreadful state by now. And believe me I heard that stuff a lot.

Because I did research, pushed and pushed and applied money where I could, we're in a better position. When you've tried and tried to solve a problem yourself and it's getting worse, you need professional help.

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

I paid to see a private pyschiatrist when my dd was like this. She gave her fluoxetine.

TBH it didn’t have much success ( although has worked well for me in the past)

But she was the one who picked up on ADHD. Thise meds have been a game changer.

We also got an EHCP at 17 in 8 months.

[rio2]

CBT?

[Headfirstintothewild]

I also think you need to request an EHCNA. DS meets the low threshold for an EHCNA. The assessment during an EHCNA will help understand DS’s needs better and the support he requires. And an EHCP will provide support DS wouldn’t otherwise get. You may have to appeal, potentially more than once, but it is worth it.