How to tell my 7 year old

[helpedNeeded]

I was abused by my dad when I was younger which I am now facing and having therapy for. My children (aged 7) have always had contact up until now as I had not told anyone (which I now have, including telling my mom and him that I remember).
neither myself nor my husband feel comfortable with them seeing my dad any longer. We put rules in place as soon as I disclosed the information to my mom where he was not allowed to be left alone with the kids, not allowed to assist with showering, toileting etc.
as I say, now I realise that I do not trust him at all and no longer want to the risk to the girls as I’m finally seeing clearly.
how do I tell my kids they are no longer going to see him? My mom is remaining with him (her choice) and we have said she can continue to see us and them but he must not be around.
my girls lost their other man a couple of years ago which hit them hard.
any advice in explaining it to my kids would be appreciated as I’m completely at a loss.

[WaitingForMojo]

I wouldn’t tell them this at 7. I would tell them ‘he hasn’t been very nice’ and ‘he isn’t a good person to be around children’ but wouldn’t elaborate until they’re much older.

There’s so much there, that’s impossible for them to understand and process at 7, and in particular, they don’t need to worry about you, or any of the dynamics.

[WaitingForMojo]

I would also separately reinforce consent and bodily autonomy, good touch etc and reinforce that they must tell you if anyone makes them feel uncomfortable, given that they have previously had contact with your dad.

[Mummame222]

If nothings happened to them I would consider not telling them. Have you considered the confusion they may feel when they are older that you left them alone with him?

[TheSnowyOwl]

I wouldn’t say anything. I assume you aren’t leaving your children with your mother so they will always be with you and she will visit. Therefore, if your children ask you can just say that she is the only one visiting today and soon they still asking.

[Mumkins42]

You're so brave confronting this. I can understand how some wouldn't be able to.

If contact is never going to happen again I agree that a watered down version of the truth is always best. As other poster suggested, something about not treating you kindly when you were a child. I don't know whether saying he hurt you would be too much for a 7 year old. It depends how well she accepts what you say without further question. I'd personally address being hurt with my son at that age but he is incredibly inquisitive and asks for details about everything.

I'd be prepared for her bringing it up around grandma. That must be so difficult for you. I admire you for allowing that relationship, especially if she is close with your mum.

[helpedNeeded]

thankyou for your posts!
I don’t believe telling my kids about the abuse is a good idea either but it is more about how to go about telling them they will no longer have contact.
they will ask why they aren’t seeing him. Following what happened with their other grandma, she died in hospital and they never got to see her but noticed she hadn’t been around a lot. It happened suddenly for them.
but thankyou x

[NuffSaidSam]

I'd probably lie and tell them that Nanny and Grandad have moved away so we won't see them as much. Let your mum visit occasionally (I think you're being very generous to her here) and tell them that Grandad is too old to travel very far now/is busy. Once the relationship has drifted, which it will do quickly with kids ime, I'd then broach a watered down version of the truth.

This probably isn't the emotionally healthy course of action though.