DD having "bad thoughts"

[LittleLilacs14]

Hiya,

Where to start...

About 4 weeks ago my 12, nearly 13 yr old DD started confessing about things that she did 1,2,3,4 years ago that were super tame, nothing bad at all.

I listened each time and reassured her that it was okay.
Now for the past week she has been getting really distressed by bad thoughts and confessing them too, she is most upset by the ones about me (I thought you were fat) etc and is becoming inconsolable about "what if I think they are true".

This one this morning was "in that photo of you on the wall I thought you looked.." and then burst into tears because I was heavier in the photo and she felt horrible for noticing it

She is terrified of growing up and has been getting stressed about this recently and I think this may have triggered them but I am really hoping another parent could share their experience of this and maybe reassure me too because it is so awful watching her go through it.

She is usually the most easygoing, cheerful, loving girl and its literally like a switch has gone on.

Thank you for reading.

Hi 👋

This sounds very much like the start of OCD to me. I have suffered from OCD for many years and have often gone through phases, even as a young child, where I would feel a very strong urge to confess my ‘bad’ thoughts or supposed wrongdoings.

If your daughter does have the beginnings of OCD then no amount of reassurance will help; unfortunately it only works temporarily and then there will be something new to take its place.

My OCD was undiagnosed for many years but I recall my excellent psychologist telling me that it was very important that I didn’t engage with these worried thoughts. He told me to imagine I was standing on a station platform and to see the thoughts as the trains going by, but to resist jumping on them. The more you engage and reassure, the more it reinforces the thoughts and the cycle continues.

I really wish you all the best x

Another OCD sufferer here who immediately thought OCD when reading the OP.

Sorry I don't know what to suggest, as I've only recently (within the last year or so) realised I have OCD myself and only just very recently got a diagnosis, and I've barely gotten into actually treating/dealing with it yet. But I just wanted to echo the PP and encourage you to consider OCD as a possibility x

My child suffered very similarly a few years ago. OCD tendencies, compulsion to 'confess bad thoughts' and general anxiety, but thankfully seems to have mostly grown out of it. I hope this is the case for your child. We worked through this book at the time which helped a bit... (Sorry for long link.) I wish you all the best, it was a hard time for us both. www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Worry-Much-What/dp/1591473144/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=149355601325&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.l7ZCuT1ra-OH0W6tpLVIk_ArHLeakB6z7cJp0d9S5DEqpm59WoUzeEv4yJFOXqng3nmr-2TsOYw8Dy-g3KalqPD6Q-C2VGno1WUHTgjOVY-HSdJmltAMc3mRJuEIlEbrWWJG23BssBw9_TQ0YRkhJxwuJE-PeAhSr137o4WqDBsJh9kmVIKrUYyT_mqmIyt5Fbk5pxM5RpM-Q3RBK4wvVQ.yfMPet9fk2s_qhTit0bvsjBkqTHVdeqUMMmBfJPtJRY&dib_tag=se&hvadid=664718786079&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=1007460&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=10719105720526521365&hvtargid=kwd-2161637905091&hydadcr=13718_2323663&keywords=worry+book+tomatoes&qid=1708903947&sr=8-1

This is very similar to my dd-I also suspect ocd tendencies. We have had counselling and tell her similarly about observing thoughts. And reassure her it’s not uncommon.

Thank you for all your helpful replies. OCD did pop up when I googled it, I have a doctors appt in a month's time, the earliest they could see me, whether they'll be any help or not.

I must admit I am struggling with the thoughts she has about me as we normally have the most loving relationship. I feel a bit rejected.

Try not to take it personally. It's a fleeting thought (we all have them, but usually have the power to dismiss them immediately.) It has upset her so much because she loves you so much.

jerryg Thank you for that, you have made me feel a little better about myself. I do agree though I need to toughen myself up and not take it all personally.

monkeyadja Thanks for your reply, could I ask you when you had similar "bad thoughts" how did it make you feel? My daughter feels that she's always trying to think of a bad thought because she feels guilty.

Yes ocd possibly or a lot of anxiety relating to how you handle the situation probably best to talk to her in a positive way and tell
Her don't worry even adults struggle with that kind of stuff but it's better to explain how she feels
About each small phrase and then say , yes I see just don't panic and that's the way your brain handles it and there's nothing wrong in that.

When I was a teenager we didn't have iPads or computer game consoles , plus also it was a very different experience at school they'd just made windows vista after I left .

My
Friend that has OCD loves her animals
And that calms her she also likes to
Message other friends via email and hired a lovely lady who helped her with school
Work we were lucky as my mum's friend helped me .

This sounds really hard for you both.

I dont have OCD but I have had intrusive thoughts (post natal). I think the whole thing about intrusive thoughts is that they are awful, unwanted thoughts, like your mind thinking exactly what you DON'T want to think. So as another poster has said probably a sign of how much your DD loves you.

I still get these ‘bad thoughts’ and they make me feel very guilty. They also tend to focus on the people closest to me, which makes the guilt feel worse. And then to make myself feel better, the need to confess kicks in.. because I feel people ‘need’ to know what I’ve thought about them. But of course confessing thoughts makes the cycle continue and strengthens ocd’s hold.

It takes a lot of strength and practice to recognise that these are just thoughts, which most people have, and which we can just let go xx

breaking free from ocd is a good book to read.

Similar, intrusive thoughts are very common. I’ve read it explained that a zillion fleeting thoughts go through our head every day, not all true. At a low ebb we’re more likely to notice a negative thought and cling to it questioning why we have thought the bad thing and assuming it’s because we’re a bad person. It’s important not to actively fight them as it can make it worse; but let them go by with little attention. PP’s idea with the train is a good example.

Yes that’s OCD, although possibly ‘Pure O’ OCD as the OP doesn’t mention any external compulsions.

As a kid who had OCD, I get this.

Get the book ‘Overcoming OCD’ by Prof David Veale. I had such bad OCD I ended up in hospital but that book cured me in one weekend, by using the methods in there.

Get it tomorrow, read over weekend, put into practice. So not ever engage with or bargain with the thoughts.

much love xxx

I was coming here to say these are (at the moment) fairly mild intrusive thoughts but they are upsetting her as they feel out of her control. One of mine has very intrusive thoughts and part of the OCD compulsion and stress is having very taboo or unsayable thoughts and then worrying either that they are very deviant or might blurt them out (e.g. mums with PPD often think they will harm their baby, but most don't, or saying racist things when you are not racist).

I would go to the drs and ask if there's any support with this but all my experience tells me that ideally, if you can afford it, it's good to go private, go early and get someone experienced with teenagers- if you wait for CAMHS or the NHS to swing into action, they won't or they will very late, when these things are much more serious. Some support now could make a big difference. Do reassure her and yourself though that this does not mean she's 'mad', they are quite common and known about and can respond well to treatment (as well as learning to live with a silly brain that says these things).

I also agree getting some of these books, to reassure yourself and to practice techniques to help will de-escalate everything as well, a couple of them sound great.

I know this is quite an old thread but came on here to find exactly this. I have a 14 year old DD who has been inherently lovely, joyful and cheerful up to now and suddenly within the last 10 days has been having troubling intrusive sexual thoughts and is so sad and unhappy and stressed with them. Not really sure where to go with them. We have established that nothing has happened to start these thoughts - and I do believe that - but is very troubling for both of us.