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Child mental health

DD having "bad thoughts"

11 replies

LittleLilacs14 · 25/02/2024 23:06

Hiya,

Where to start...

About 4 weeks ago my 12, nearly 13 yr old DD started confessing about things that she did 1,2,3,4 years ago that were super tame, nothing bad at all.

I listened each time and reassured her that it was okay.
Now for the past week she has been getting really distressed by bad thoughts and confessing them too, she is most upset by the ones about me (I thought you were fat) etc and is becoming inconsolable about "what if I think they are true".

This one this morning was "in that photo of you on the wall I thought you looked.." and then burst into tears because I was heavier in the photo and she felt horrible for noticing it

She is terrified of growing up and has been getting stressed about this recently and I think this may have triggered them but I am really hoping another parent could share their experience of this and maybe reassure me too because it is so awful watching her go through it.

She is usually the most easygoing, cheerful, loving girl and its literally like a switch has gone on.

Thank you for reading.

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monkeyadja · 25/02/2024 23:16

Hi 👋

This sounds very much like the start of OCD to me. I have suffered from OCD for many years and have often gone through phases, even as a young child, where I would feel a very strong urge to confess my ‘bad’ thoughts or supposed wrongdoings.

If your daughter does have the beginnings of OCD then no amount of reassurance will help; unfortunately it only works temporarily and then there will be something new to take its place.

My OCD was undiagnosed for many years but I recall my excellent psychologist telling me that it was very important that I didn’t engage with these worried thoughts. He told me to imagine I was standing on a station platform and to see the thoughts as the trains going by, but to resist jumping on them. The more you engage and reassure, the more it reinforces the thoughts and the cycle continues.

I really wish you all the best x

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ThomasineMay · 25/02/2024 23:39

Another OCD sufferer here who immediately thought OCD when reading the OP.

Sorry I don't know what to suggest, as I've only recently (within the last year or so) realised I have OCD myself and only just very recently got a diagnosis, and I've barely gotten into actually treating/dealing with it yet. But I just wanted to echo the PP and encourage you to consider OCD as a possibility x

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Haggisfish3 · 25/02/2024 23:42

This is very similar to my dd-I also suspect ocd tendencies. We have had counselling and tell her similarly about observing thoughts. And reassure her it’s not uncommon.

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LittleLilacs14 · 25/02/2024 23:54

Thank you for all your helpful replies. OCD did pop up when I googled it, I have a doctors appt in a month's time, the earliest they could see me, whether they'll be any help or not.

I must admit I am struggling with the thoughts she has about me as we normally have the most loving relationship. I feel a bit rejected.

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jerryg · 26/02/2024 00:14

Try not to take it personally. It's a fleeting thought (we all have them, but usually have the power to dismiss them immediately.) It has upset her so much because she loves you so much.

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LittleLilacs14 · 26/02/2024 00:21

jerryg Thank you for that, you have made me feel a little better about myself. I do agree though I need to toughen myself up and not take it all personally.

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LittleLilacs14 · 26/02/2024 01:51

monkeyadja Thanks for your reply, could I ask you when you had similar "bad thoughts" how did it make you feel? My daughter feels that she's always trying to think of a bad thought because she feels guilty.

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Lifeistough74 · 26/02/2024 02:02

Yes ocd possibly or a lot of anxiety relating to how you handle the situation probably best to talk to her in a positive way and tell
Her don't worry even adults struggle with that kind of stuff but it's better to explain how she feels
About each small phrase and then say , yes I see just don't panic and that's the way your brain handles it and there's nothing wrong in that.

When I was a teenager we didn't have iPads or computer game consoles , plus also it was a very different experience at school they'd just made windows vista after I left .

My
Friend that has OCD loves her animals
And that calms her she also likes to
Message other friends via email and hired a lovely lady who helped her with school
Work we were lucky as my mum's friend helped me .

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Islandermummy · 26/02/2024 02:14

This sounds really hard for you both.

I dont have OCD but I have had intrusive thoughts (post natal). I think the whole thing about intrusive thoughts is that they are awful, unwanted thoughts, like your mind thinking exactly what you DON'T want to think. So as another poster has said probably a sign of how much your DD loves you.

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monkeyadja · 26/02/2024 09:56

LittleLilacs14 · 26/02/2024 01:51

monkeyadja Thanks for your reply, could I ask you when you had similar "bad thoughts" how did it make you feel? My daughter feels that she's always trying to think of a bad thought because she feels guilty.

I still get these ‘bad thoughts’ and they make me feel very guilty. They also tend to focus on the people closest to me, which makes the guilt feel worse. And then to make myself feel better, the need to confess kicks in.. because I feel people ‘need’ to know what I’ve thought about them. But of course confessing thoughts makes the cycle continue and strengthens ocd’s hold.

It takes a lot of strength and practice to recognise that these are just thoughts, which most people have, and which we can just let go xx

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