6yr old says he wants to kill himself

[Kalodi]

I'm at a loss as to what to do, he does have very low self esteem and has a PDA profile of autism.

He says it quite often but its really ramped up past couple days, since he has been suspended from School.

I'm unsure if he really means it or if he says this as a reaction to when things aren't going his way. Either way I'm approaching it as the former always, I'm being there for him and taking it seriously but I think I need help now.

He has been referred to CAHMS by school but wait list is forever

[Meadowfinch]

Why was he suspended from school? That seems excessive for a 6yo unless it was for intentional repeated violence.

Have you talked to him. Sat down and told him you will work things out as a team. Made it clear you are on his side and you know it is fixable. What would he like to happen?

How are the school helping? His form teacher? A referral to CAhms on its own is a bit slopey shouldered.

[Hotairblues]

@Meadowfinch really not that unusual for autistic children to be suspended at a very young age unfortunately.

OP I can relate, my just turned 7yo was saying similar last year (again when he was sent home from school to spend the last week of term with me as he wasn’t coping). They feel so much shame about their behaviour because they want to be good, but their autism means their behaviours outside of their control go against that. I wish I had advice to help, some time at home with me seemed to make things a bit easier on DS along with an increase in his adhd medication. But it’s heartbreaking to hear.

[Kalodi]

He was suspended because his behaviour become out of control when he got overwhelmed, his needs were not being met at all despite him telling his TA and teacher repeatedly he needed help.

We are currently in my bed drawing together and coming up with ideas on what our dream play rooms would look like which is helping massively. I reassure him I'm on his side and that we can work together for positive things today and in the future.

[Fahbeep]

@Meadowfinch

Why was he suspended from school? That seems excessive for a 6yo unless it was for intentional repeated violence.

Have you talked to him. Sat down and told him you will work things out as a team. Made it clear you are on his side and you know it is fixable. What would he like to happen?

How are the school helping? His form teacher? A referral to CAhms on its own is a bit slopey shouldered.

Hi. I know you meant well. But children with these disabilities are not intentionally violent and the belief that they are is one of the great prejudices they face (with the opposite judgment that mum and/or dad are feckless parents). These children become anxious and overstimulated by sensory input and social challenges. Once a meltdown starts, it is a feature of the disability for a propensity to lash out to arise. I'm not making this up - it is recognised in law in the leading case from the SEND Tribunals about the nature of the disability and the frequent but unlawful 'go to' practice of school exclusion that far too many HTs see as the primary tool of managing the situation rather than attempting to meet the child's needs (because that means they would have to change, and many just don't want to do that). It is, sadly, very easy for bad schools to do nothing, and then blame the child when the result of their inaction/failure to apply for or follow EHCPs, results in lashing out, which is then handily recorded as a 'safeguarding' issue so it can be characterised under the law as a basis for exclusion. It is an outrageous but underreported scandal of huge proportions engulfing the entire country. I have the battle scars and PTSD from my own experience of this. If you don't believe me. Google it and read the research from Birmingham University on the devastating effect it has on children and their families.

[Fahbeep]

OP. I'm sorry this is happening. He is suffering extreme anxiety from the experiences he is having at school (at least this would be my best guess). Presumably there is a significant adult from the LA if he is at risk of exclusion. You should consider asking for a managed move and seek a school with a more enlightened approach to SEN who can meet his needs. I dread to think what would have happened to my son, similar age and profile, I had not raised merry hell, made it a problem for all of them, and secured a move for him to such a school. Mainstream, but with caring teachers and TAs invested in levelling him out and integrating him into the classroom. Your son likely needs a one-to-one TA funded by an EHCP. You just have to keep demanding until you get it. Just try to support him at home, keep the demands low and make it a place of emotional safety as best you can.

[Meadowfinch]

@Fahbeep I don't say he was. I said the school's reactionseemed extreme.

[CocoKenny]

I really feel for you here and it sounds like you are a brilliant mum and just want some help navigating this.
Before I start, let's caveat this with both of us being aware that there are some awful teachers/schools out there but I know that many are brilliant and want every child to thrive.
Pointing fingers of blame at the school isn't going to help here. We need to look at how to help.
EHCPs these days are basically just a wish list. TAs are often non existent in many classes and teachers are struggling to cope with lack of resources, constant scrutiny and an overloaded, out of date curriculum that they are bollocked if they don't get through. Are you pushing to get your child a statement? That will bring in extra funding for your child (tip - make sure it goes TO YOUR CHILD)
Schools are so painfully underfunded that your child, and many other children and staff are being failed. The system is broken.
Please have a 'no blame - how can we move forward' approach and see if that helps.

[Kalodi]

Yes I'd rather not start bashing the school and whether their approach was right or not as I have actually found them really accommodating for my son, they have made so many changes and they even have him a therapy dog there, he has play therapy and his own dedicated space. The problem is, he struggles with communication and sometimes its not possible to address his issues as he really needs a 1 to 1 to advocate for him in school but we are waiting for the EHCP and funding.

We are also considering home education as so much of it is about his low self esteem does stem from social interactions at school.

How can I help him see positives in his life?

[mitogoshi]

I think one thing is he needs an outlet in his life where he can shine and he feels comfortable. For my dd (similar situation) this was music - individual, orchestra, choir ... having something you find easy to express yourself basically (it could be art, or whatever, what's his thing?) she's an adult now and we had tough times, even more recently but she always has music ... find his thing

[Corksoles]

Without blaming the current school, it might not be right for him.

I had v similar - autistic 8/9 yr old who struggled at very supportive mainstream. Once he started talking about killing himself (and I recognise v strongly this idea of kids wanting to be good and being unable) school and I rushed at the EHCP (which was already underway thanks to brilliant senco) and the LA and moved him to special. It was bumpy but he's so much happier in himself now. Do think about moving school. It's impossible sometimes being a square peg in a round hole.