DD(13) and increasing anxiety

[heatherwithapee]

DD is in year 8 and since Christmas has suffered with bad anxiety that is now reached the point where she is unable to go to school as she panics at being in the classroom.
She's not been for over 3 weeks. School aren't being supportive (in fact we've not really heard from them at all!).
History of bullying in year 7 and increasing anxiety since then (worrying about girls talking about her behind her back, or being the victim of silly nonsense in the classroom such as stealing her pen off the table when her back is turned, squirting her with their water bottles etc).
She's also withdrawing from extra curricular activities (sports, Guides, music) saying that she just doesn't want to go anywhere anymore.
Seems fairly ok at home - will watch TV, play PlayStation with siblings etc. Slightly less keen on days out with all of us as feels less safe than at home.
GP won't see her (doesn't think it's necessary) but has provided a note to school diagnosing anxiety and asking school to work with us to get her back in. School say if she can't go to lessons, they don't want her in school (we were hoping for some sort of intervention whereby she could work alone in learning resource centre when she's overwhelmed and slowly work towards returning to lessons but they've said no).
We self-referred her for counselling back in the autumn but are still waiting.
Where do we go from here? Home school isn't an option - we're not well off so DH and I need to work. Any ideas to get school to help or even just ideas of how we can help with the anxiety?

[DarkChocHolic]

Sorry to hear OP.
Your school and GP sound useless to be honest.
There are several measures the school can put in place.
Have you complained to the school about bullying and has any action being taken?
Can DD move forms to be away from the bullies?
Is there a pastoral team at your school you can speak to and ask about this provision?
I would also go back to GP maybe different one and make a fuss.
These things cannot be taken lightly.

My DD is 16 and suffers from anxiety and depression. The school refusal in our case came very suddenly over the past 3 months as she properly descended into depression.
School have a wellness coordinator who helps her a lot. She has a card which she can use when she wants to leave lessons and take time out.
She sometimes skips some lessons and sits in the wellness room
School have offered reduced timetable even though she is Y12 and this is not ideal but mental health comes first.

In your case I would formally email the school and ask for support.
Do ask your DD if she thinks changing forms, going late and leaving school a bit early etc will help her anxiety.
Also, is she able to do any work at home when she is not able to go to school?
Is there an option to move schools at all?

I hope you get some help.
It's awful seeing them sad and anxious.
Take care
Xx

[heatherwithapee]

@DarkChocHolic Thanks for your long reply and sorry to hear that your DD has had issues too.

The bullying has all but stopped but DD is understandably very anxious in the presence of these girls and their friends. She changed tutor groups but still crosses paths with many girls who cause her anxiety. I think some of this is DD's perception of how she's being treated by them (they're 'popular girls' who DD feels look down at her / gossip about her etc - I'm not sure how much this is actually happening or whether DD just feels intimated by them).

Unfortunately school is incredibly uncooperative. They have a wellness room for SEND pupils and those with a very specific note from the Dr to say that the DC needs time out from lessons / a reduced timetable and can't cope with being in full time school lessons. Our GP won't write such a specific note as they feel that the school needs to decide how is best to educate DD. As DD has no known SEN, she's therefore not allowed to access this facility. If she cannot cope with lessons and ends up coming home, it's unauthorised absence.

Changing schools is very difficult. We live rurally and she relies on a school bus. There is no public transport and as I have younger DC to get to primary school, I cannot drive her in a different direction at the same time. DH works away a lot / has early starts so cannot help with the school run more than once in a blue moon. To facilitate a change of school would require one or more of: moving house, moving younger DC to another primary school near to DD's new school (assuming we could even find a primary with the necessary places close to a secondary with a space in year 8), or DH or I changing our jobs. Such a nightmare!