Anxiety in 7 year old

[floratess]

My ds is a real worrier particularly at night time. He saw a bit of the news about Ukraine and since then has said he has a stomach ache at night because he is worried about war. He was in a school play today and last night he couldn't sleep because he said he had a stomach ache and was really worried about it. For ages he was worried when he heard an ambulance and I wasn't with him because he thought something had happened to me. Most of the time he is fine and I know it's within the realms of normal at the moment but I don't want it to spiral further. I am also an over thinker and it has definitely held me back in life. Any advice for people who have similar children? Thanks

Hi Floratess, my son suddenly became very anxious at the age of 6, a big part of it was health anxiety, but also many worries about dangerous animals (even though he used to love them), monsters, our home being broken into etc. We slowly worked through the book What to do when you worry too much by Dawn Huebner, I think it might have been recommended here on mn (I'm a long time lurker!). It helped a lot. Not just the actual techniques in it, but it also made him aware that many people have worries and there are ways to overcome them. As I think he was also worried about being worried, if that makes sense. (At the same time I also read Helping your child with fears and worries by Cathy Creswell and Lucy Willetts, planning to use it if the first book's not sufficient, but it was.) My son's anxiety improved within a couple of months, one year on I wouldn't describe him as anxious, if occasionally he is worried about something I remind him of the workbook, we list what we learned there, and then he is usually ok. Of course every child is different but I think it is worth a try.

My son went through anxiety after his dad died - a lot of it centred around losing sight of me and whether I would die too.

First thought - Usually we worry more about what we have experience of rather than future unknowns. So is there anything that might have triggered the worry that’s close to home, like a change or death in the family? Or anything in a friend’s family? Is he perhaps fearing a similar thing happening again or to him? It might simply be exposure to the news that’s done it.

Second though - It would be useful to have conversations about the worry (and this means you being able to hold your own worry too and not be scared to go into scary realms with him). You could ask questions to follow the thoughts to their root and find out what he’s really worried about underneath (it will likely be something totally self-centred as that’s how children think - so might be something like a worry about what would happen to him and who would look after him if you were sick etc).

So then you could have reassuring conversations - ‘If mummy died, you might feel really very sad for a while. X person would look after you and you’d still have all your friends, teachers, school mates around. If mummy got sick, a ambulance would come to help mummy get better, x person would look after you, maybe mummy would have to have medication or be in hospital but you would be okay and safe and cared for. If there was a war in our country, we have an army to help protect us. It might be scary. We would try to get to a safe place. Mummy would look after you’… etc.

It’s about building a tolerance for worry, capacity to think through some possible outcomes and plan, and reassure him that it’s okay to feel worried and that it’s normal to worry. While not promising that bad things will never happen or that we should never feel worried.

Be totally led by him. Ask interested questions and go at his pace - if he’s not engaged or seems overwhelmed leave it and try a little another day.