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Child mental health

Young sons girlfriend suffering with MH issues

7 replies

spongebunnyfatpants · 18/12/2022 23:01

My son is 14, he's been close friends with a girl for about a year and boyfriend/girlfriend for about 6 months. They have a nice positive relationship, they don't live in each other pockets and have other interests and friends.

I've only met her a few times and she seems a really nice girl. I know of her family and they seem like a nice family, although I have not met them.

My son has come to me tonight in tears, crying that she's told him she hates herself and that she's going to harm herself. Although he says she has said she won't do it tonight.

He had recently found out that she had previously self harmed. He doesn't know why she does this, she isn't being bullied at school and says there are no issues at home. There was talk of her seeing a therapist but this has not happened.

He says that she has spoken to her mum and dad about it before and her dad just shouted at her. (Obviously I know that this is only one side of the story)

I'm concerned for the girl but I'm also concerned for my son and the impact this will have/is having on him. He should not have to be dealing with his at 14.

He's trapped between, keeping her confidence and protecting her.

Does anyone have any advice on supporting her and for me to support him also.

Thanks in advance.

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Hawkins001 · 18/12/2022 23:31

All the best op,.not sure what to advise

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Whataretheodds · 18/12/2022 23:33

I think if she's declared and intention to self-harm you have to speak to the school safeguarding lead.

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HotPenguin · 18/12/2022 23:35

I'd suggest looking at the Young Minds website and encouraging her to seek help at school and from the GP. There is info on Young Minds for people who are supporting others with MH problems, your son might find that helpful..

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spongebunnyfatpants · 19/12/2022 09:15

Thank you for your replies, I appreciate it.

Unfortunately school is now closed until January, but I will contact them on return, if the situation doesn't improve and I'll definitely have a look at the young minds website with my son.

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WandaWonder · 19/12/2022 09:24

All I can think of to keep getting him to realise he is not responsible for her and whatever she thinks or feels no one, he is not to blame for what she does or doesn't do

He can be there for her if he wants but should be it

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NewToWoo · 19/12/2022 09:30

Explain to him very clearly that this situation is beyond his control. The best way he can support her is to direct her to professionals who are experienced with teens who self harm. he is her boyfriend, not a qualified MH professional, and can never be more than a boyfriend.

I say this as someone who acted as unqualified, unpaid all hours therapist for over a decade for a friend with very severe MH issues. No one ever told me it was loving and OK to say: 'I can't handle this. You need and deserve proper help.' That friendship drained me, lost me jobs, kept me too involved to have a boyfirend etc. Let him know right now that her MH is not his responsibility. He needs boundaries drawn up immediately. he can love her and be a boyfirend, offering the level of normal support a boyfriend might but anything beyond that need to be professional or her parents.

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spongebunnyfatpants · 19/12/2022 15:17

Thank you both. This is exactly how I feel, I don't want his affecting his mental health too. I'll have a talk about it with him when he gets home.