To tell work... or not?

[MsF1t]

We have two children: one has suspected ASD, the other ADHD. I will try to keep this brief, as currently trying to settle the youngest.

My OH just started a new job at the start of November. My job began a month before- different job in the same organisation but a new contract so still on probation IYSWIM.

I work from home two days, in the office three- he works from home all week but may need to travel in future.

School involves taking a school bus twice a day. The oldest finds this very stressful so normally OH drives them in the morning so they only have to cope with the return journey.

On Sunday our car broke down so it's had to be all bus journeys instead. This evening the oldest had a meltdown that lasted for more than an hour. She's smashed her iPad, which she needs to self soothe with.

Aside from the fact that our financial situation is now even more dire than before (we have been surviving on my crap wage for most of the last two + years), we just don't know that our working hours are sustainable between us.

If my partner continues to miss work driving them or collecting them, or dealing with my youngest's shenanigans or the oldest's issues when they're both at home, we are worried he may lose his new job. We have the youngest in after school once a week but there isn't space available every day even if we had the money. He got fired from his previous job when he explained that he sometimes needed to start ten minutes later because of the need to drive the kids to school. It took a really, really long time to get another job.

He earns at least 50% more than me, but I have been at my organisation for 4 years and may have some more 'safety' because of this.

I don't know whether or not to speak to my line manager about going part time, potentially, so we can try to cope better. We can't afford to lose my wage, but we REALLY can't afford to lose his.

The trouble is, in my previous role I was part of a close knit team and I know they would have tried to help. Where I've had to move to has some bad politics issues. The manager above mine has form for backstabbing and nasty fuckery- he openly vetoed the best candidate for a job, for example, because she was around 50 and then appointed a woman in her 20s instead. He has lied about members of my team to HR in order to intimidate them.

Sorry, I realise I'm failing to keep this brief after all. Essentially, I don't know whether to try to keep struggling on somehow as we are, or come clean about the trouble we are having (potentially looking weak and inept), or just resign completely and hope that if I take on all the burden of childcare then we might at least keep one job between us.

Any ideas welcome. TIA.

[MsF1t]

[Mammyloveswine]

You say your husband is working ftom home can he request flexible working but lose a bit of his lunch to covet school run?

[Imitatingdory]

Do you get DLA for both DC? Have you checked to see if you are eligible for grants from charities such as Family Fund?

Have you checked to see if you are eligible for transport to school for DC?

[MsF1t]

Thank you for your response, @Mammyloveswine

That's effectively what he asked to do in his previous role- and unfortunately he feels that this is why they fired him although they found other 'reasons' (it's with his Union). We are concerned that the same might happen with this company.

To me, this shouldn't be an unreasonable request to make, but wondered if I was being naive, perhaps.

[Yummypumpkin]

Do your children have an EHCP?

If so this could cover transport to school. They could be collected by taxi, for example. Its fairly common with those conditions.

[MsF1t]

@Imitatingdory (love the name!), we don't have the actual official diagnosis for either of them yet. COVID has massively slowed everything and we're nearly three years in for the oldest, who masks very convincingly at school. The youngest we have decided to go private for in order to be able to access meds- but the appointment isn't until February even so.

The school bus is the transport offered by the school. Some kids from further afield get taxis, though. I'm going to call them tomorrow to see if there's any chance she could join one of those instead. She doesn't want to go to school tomorrow at all now.

[MsF1t]

@Yummypumpkin, does the EHCP require an official diagnosis? We have had Assessment of Needs meetings with the school for both of them, and have another for our youngest very soon. I'm not sure if they can do anything with any sort if funding impact as a result of them, though. It's more about strategies for coping, like allowing soft toys or a chew toy or things like that...

[Imitatingdory]

I often feel like Dory these days!

You don’t need need a diagnosis to claim DLA, it is based on needs. Do apply, and use the Cerebra guide when you do. Family Fund is also based on needs.

The LA have a statutory duty to provide transport in some cases, case law shows transport should be non-stressful therefore if an adjustment needs to be made to provide a taxi instead of the bus they should do. If the LA refuse contact SENTAS who specialise in helping parents with transport appeals.

Yummypumpkin you don’t need an EHCP to be provided with transport due to SEN there is other statutory guidance that covers transport, and case law shows unless there is exceptional circumstances transport should not be in EHCPs.

You don’t need a diagnosis for EHCPs, they are based on needs. You apply to the LA for an EHCNA, IPSEA have lots of information on their website about them including a model letter you can use to request an EHCNA.

[Yummypumpkin]

Thanks @Imitatingdory for the correction/ elaboration. Very useful.

[MsF1t]

Thank you, @Imitatingdory, will look into all of that in the morning. Hopefully the school will be supportive as well.

[Imitatingdory]

Yummypumpkin many LAs try to unlawfully fob parents off saying they need an EHCP. Another common tactic is to say they are not entitled as they are within the statutory walking distance, when the statutory walking distance doesn’t apply when the child needs transport due to SEN/disability.