Anybody else’s dc not back in school due to mental health?

[PenOrPencil]

My dd14 went for testing somewhat reluctantly yesterday, then had a complete meltdown last night. She is terrified of going back to school, not because of COVID but because of depression and anxiety. She did well during lockdown academically as she was able to withdraw from the world completely.

She has been referred to CAMHS and a counselling appointment will apparently be made within the next 2 weeks.
Up until then we are left to our own devices, but we feel absolutely helpless.

She promised to try to go to school tomorrow, but I am not particularly optimistic about that.

[TeenPlusCat]

Moon I think anxiety can hit children of any ability, and equally miss children of any ability.

[Moonface123]

Anxiety and panic attacks go hand in hand with high achievers. My son is intelligent, picks things up very quickly and has a low threshold to boredom, boredom can actually bring anxiety and panic on, now he is homeschooled and learning at his own pace he is doing much better.
Boredom and feeling trapped in a very controlled enviroment can contribute towards anxiety and panic, its not always bullying or other issues.
Cahms have advised my son to really think about the enviroment he chooses to go into the future, because not all enviroments will be suitable for him.

[PenOrPencil]

The hoops we have to jump through in order to get any help are ridiculous. My dd has basically lost a year of her life. With earlier intervention and help we could be so much further! The fact that I have to turn to mumsnet and the very, very good Facebook group “parenting mental health” is in itself tragic. I did write to the children’s commissioner, but got a blah standard response.

[1jumpforward2back]

Have you emailed the Director of Children’s Services threatening Judicial Review? If not, do that. If you have contact SOSSEN to see if they can help with a pre-action letter.

[TeenPlusCat]

Oh Macken so sorry to hear how much you are having to fight to get help. No help but lots of empathy

[MackenCheese]

Well here we are, and DS still has not gone back into school since the start of the academic year. The LA have put no tuition in place, despite a medical letter; just saying that they cannot get a provider. We sourced an online tuition company (not Interhigh, but similar) and they said as they, the LA have not done due diligence on them they can´t use them.

Since the last time I was on here we have paid for private Ed Psych, SALT and OT reports and waiting for private Social worker assessment. Appeal against B,F and I of the EHCP has gone in via lawyer and we go to tribunal in July over lack of interim provision as well. The whole thing is costing an absolute fortune.

Thanks for all the support and advice on here. Just trying to keep DS mental health up. He came out for a family walk last weekend and had a haircut...... Tiny steps!

[1jumpforward2back]

PenorPencil did you apply for an EHCNA? Online schooling and more therapy than is normally available on the NHS can be included in EHCPs.

Blueydragon are the LA providing alternative education while DD cannot attend school full time? Also, if you haven’t already apply for an EHCNA - IPSEA have a model letter you can use on their website.

[TeenMinusTests]

Good to hear your update Pen I am sorry things are moving so slowly for you. I'm sorry Bluey for what is happing with you.

6 months on from my update before.

DD quickly moved down from her Level 2 course to level 1as the L2 was too much in her anxious state. We then applied for an EHCP for her, they quickly agreed to assess and the plan was finalised in Feb.

DD is slowly but slowly improving She has an 80% attendance but is keeping up with the course. She is still anxious about lots of things but will buy and eat college food, and go a few more places out of college.

For those in the depths

• it will get better
  
• take off pressure, GCSEs can be circumnavigated
  
• if you can go private to get help then do, anti depressants & therapy combined have been a game changer for DD
  
• try to do self care, call in all your friends to help you, easier said than done
  

[BlueyDragon]

I just found this thread and am taking a bit of comfort (but also a great deal of sadness) from the fact that we are not alone. DD, 15, has been in and out of school since November 2021. Suspected ASD, now depression plus anxiety, I’m kicking myself that I didn’t do something earlier.

I am at my wits’ end. She won’t even ride, which she loves. I’m taking time off work as I can’t focus. CAMHS have made a godalmighty cock-up of her case, passing her and me through 3 different areas this week whilst we are awaiting a crisis assessment.

I don’t know how much longer I can do this for. Counselling for me is weeks away and I’m exhausted.

[PenOrPencil]

I thought I would give a little update a year on from my first post. Today we pulled dd out of school. She has not gone in in person for a year now and even though she is making very slow progress she will not be able to go in and sit GCSEs this year. School have been unhelpful and largely useless, she has only just started counselling via CAMHS, who have actually outsourced the counselling to a private company. She has 10 sessions and will then be discharged.
In the meantime we have paid for private counselling, seen a private psychiatrist and she will be going to a private online school after Easter, moving back into year 10. We are lucky that we can tighten our belts and afford all of this. Far too many families are left struggling.

[cansu]

School can offer a part time timetable. They can give time out cards and a place for a student to go to. Some offer counselling by appointment. There will be a member of staff a student can see if they need immediate support but that will likely be whoever is free or a member of SLT in an emergency.

What schools are not set up to do:
Have counsellor available all day at any time to students. There just isn't capacity. They have many students they are supporting. If your dd has a mental health condition, she needs medical expertise.
What do you want the school to do?

[TeenMinusTests]

We aren't out of the woods yet, but in a much better place than this time last year, or even spring this year.

[PenOrPencil]

Oh @TeenMinusTests, that sounds wonderful, well done your dd and you!

[TeenMinusTests]

I'm posting a Good news update (in bold to give other people hope).

NT 16yo, but with some SEN, issues mainly trauma based.

DD, (who missed all of y11 but managed a few assessments at home resulting in 4 GCSEs grade 3) has just done 2 full induction days at college! (Studying Animal Care and a beautiful rural campus).

The anti depressants, coupled with therapy and post adoption support have helped. Plus the new cat we adopted at the start of August. (She is 10 years old and beautifully behaved). CBT has just started in September too.

College probably think I'm a fraud as I asked for 2 transition visits beforehand (had to kick up a fuss to get the second one) and asked for her to sit in classrooms before, traffic light cards etc. But if we hadn't done that she wouldn't have coped as she'd have had to manage new buildings and adults as well as crowds.

She is still in my bed, and won't eat with her fingers, and v anxious in evenings when more tired, but progress is being made.

[persephone19]

[quote MackenCheese]@persephone19 I could have written your post exactly!! My ds 13, year 9 can't face school, and hasn't been in yet....
I'm frantically getting private reports to get a change to his echp to say, actually, the school isn't meeting his needs and he needs a specialist school. Being diagnosed late (age 10) has been such a pain! [/quote]
We never needed an EHCP until now so it's all new to us. We're trying to remain relaxed. DS is safe and happy and 'all' we have to do is find the set up that allows him to remain safe and happy but also access an education…😬

[MackenCheese]

@persephone19 I could have written your post exactly!! My ds 13, year 9 can't face school, and hasn't been in yet....
I'm frantically getting private reports to get a change to his echp to say, actually, the school isn't meeting his needs and he needs a specialist school. Being diagnosed late (age 10) has been such a pain!

[Hollyhocks7]

I'm in exactly the same position with DD 14. Supposed to be starting Y10. Can't see her managing mainstream education again. GCSEs beginning to seem unlikely too.

[Drummella]

Can you get her to try a meditation app? My dd has had a similar experience. I communicated with the school and they got her a weekly mental health session with YMCA via school, and they have a designated person who supports students with anxiety. But the real game-changer was using a meditation app before bed - she said she felt like something changed in her after one go so she makes sure to do it regularly whenever she feels her mental health dipping again. I really recommend it!

[persephone19]

My 13yo DS should be in y9 but hasn't been in school since the end of last year. He has ASD and the masks / incessant changes / weird rules were just too much for him and he's totally burnt out.
We're try to access an EHCP needs assessment. From the child who was top in his Y6 SATS we're now looking at specialist provision for SEND as we can't really see him ever returning to mainstream.

[PenOrPencil]

A quick update from us: We took a complete break from everything over the summer and got a puppy. Totally switching off and focusing on the puppy has done all of us a world of good. Dd is now going into the garden and to puppy class with me!

She is still not back in school, but school have finally enrolled the help of an Ed Psych. We had a joint meeting this week where we discussed manageable steps for dd, and dd seems on board. It was agreed that she would not go into school before half term, first step is to email with a teacher.

We have also booked a private psychiatrist assessment (£££) and have yet another CAMHS triage assessment coming up to.

The steps we are taking are much, much smaller than even baby steps, but for the first time I can see just a hint of light at the end of the tunnel.

[VMJ1]

Glad to hear school was more responsive this time! When you are going through this you need support from school not all this hassle! Let's hope they can come up with something constructive to help this time. It helped my daughter enormously knowing that there was someone at school she could go to. She's struggled on her own at senior school for 3 years, so was relieved someone took her worries seriously at last.

I really hope you get some help from CAMHS next week. I've been there with two children over the last 18 months so I know how helpless you feel right now.

[PenOrPencil]

Oops, I think I scared the attendance officer when I responded to “this might end up in court” yesterday with “fine, maybe we will get the help we need then!”

They got back to me today with a somewhat different attitude - of course dd’s health comes first, blabla. Going in for yet another meeting, but without dd, next week to show good will with school. What we need is to see a bloody doctor, though. I am so unbelievably tired of this shit show. This has been going on since March and there has been no progress whatsoever.

[VMJ1]

Really sorry to hear your difficulties PenOrPencil. I can't believe the attitude of your school. Our school is independent and has a completely different attitude - perhaps they have more leeway? They have given both my children space and encouragement when needed. We met the pastoral manager who encouraged my daughter step by step - she got her to agree to a lesson she particularly liked each day and met her at reception to take her to the classroom. I also emailed the teacher to give them a heads-up to make sure they were aware of the issue - a positive experience was the main result we wanted. Although it was my daughter's friend who actually persuaded her to get her uniform on and walk around the school site after school with her to get things started. After a few days, she was happy enough to go in on her own - believe me, we didn't think this would ever happen - we were thinking it would end in home schooling.

I'm sorry I have no constructive advice, but obviously schools have a lot of things to learn in this area. Why do they keep putting bureaucracy over the needs of children? Good luck with CAMHS.

[PenOrPencil]

We are still struggling on, still desperately trying to get medical help. I am at the end of my tether. A 90 minute triage call is booked in with CAHMS next week, though. We'll see.

Meanwhile school are kicking up a real fuss and demand access to dd's GP record. Does anybody have any experience with this? I don't think I want them to have access to her full medical record!