Crisis! Please help.

[Loopylou321]

Hi all, I'm new here and wondered if anyone had been in a similar situation. Please be nice!
Firstly my partner left when my son was 1 and I have always always tried to push him to see our son and he's never stepped up. He went on to have another child and my son was pushed aside.
Now after a lot of hastle we agreed he would have one afternoon a week but my son has beeen telling me he only turned up for 10 minutes or spent all the time with his other child. This has been going on for over 6 years and I've constantly been giving out olive branches. I'd offer to pay for them to spend time together etc
However whilst all this has been going on my child has been suffering with mental health issues but his dad has not been concerned or bothered just called me a liar.
A few weeks ago my child had to have an emergency crisis assessment after finding suicidal letters. The outcome was my child felt abandoned and pushed out and that he wanted to die so he didn't have to see his dad anymore... this was so so heartbreaking :(
I was advised to alert his dad and in the best way I could I did. He sounded understanding at first.
However my son said he only wanted to see his dad if he got time alone with him. So we discussed a contact centre and my child agreed this would be fine with him if he got the time alone he wanted.
So I have contacted a private contact centre but his dad is refusing to go through with it. Since everything happened he hasn't asked if he is ok. Hasn't tried to see him or talk to my child. I was advised that due to the mental health impact he has had on my child that I should just leave contact until he takes me to court as I shouldn't force a relationship he clearly doesn't want with my son. I'm so confused as I don't understand why he wouldn't want to do what he could to give our child what he wants. What is best to do? Just not push for contact and let him sort it? Or push it and if he fails to turn up take him to court? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

[Caselgarcia]

What does your son want? It sounds like the father isn't putting his needs first. If father is going to be half hearted about contact, I can only see this causing your son more hurt.

[Loopylou321]

My son has said he wants to see his dad alone at the same time and place every week. He has autistic traits and is under a paediatrician for this as routine helps him again his dad doesn't care for routine. I've told his dad this but he won't give him what my son wants. Apparently I'm being unreasonable or lieing. But I'm not going to let him see my son until he gives him what he deserves and wants. He's messed him around for too long it's affecting him too much now. I've constantly pushed for them to have a bond and I can't do it any more knowing how bad it's affecting my son :(

[Caselgarcia]

I agree, you've got to put your son first. It's so disappointing the father won't give his son what he (son) wants. It isn't you lying or being unreasonable is it? It's what you son wants and needs. Maybe you have gone to far in trying to keep a relationship going between them, it's his turn to make an effort. If he's not prepared to see son on his son's terms then perhaps it's best to stop contact. I really don't think it's too much to ask.

[Loopylou321]

Exactly thank you I just don't want to feel like I'm being unreasonable by putting my foot down :( if he did take me to court (which he probably won't) do I have enough justification as to why I stopped contact?

[lb111]

Mental health issues can run in families and your son and his father may have problems from the same cause. The father definitely cannot be relied upon. parts of your story are very familiar to me. i suggest you extend forgiveness and compassion to the father if you can. and you certainly can't force a relationship to happen. In my situation the hereditary condition is high pyrrole. You might like to google 'pyrrole disorder' or 'pyroluria' and see if it resonates. Let me know if you want more info. Sending you best wishes and good luck