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Original poster

My 13yr old nieces mum died suddenly today

15 replies

devonsmummy · 10/01/2012 20:22

She was found dead at home. She and my brother had been separated for over 10 years but he's had very regular access/ contact.
My brother called earlier to say he was collecting my niece from her friends to break the news.
Does anyone have any advise on how to deal with a grieving teenager? I really want to support them as much as I can but am known for being a blubbering mess with these kind of things. Some practical tips may help me prepare to be stronger
TIA
Anyone have any advise at all on how to handle a grief stricken teenager?

OP posts:
Selks · 10/01/2012 20:36

Just be there for her....let her know that you care about her and are there for her in any way that she might like. She may well be in shock initially. It may be in the months / years to come that she needs your support, as well as in the forthcoming weeks.
You don't have to hide your own sadness...it can be more helpful for her if she knows you're upset too. It helps 'normalise' grieving......bereavement during teenage years can make the teen suddenly feel very 'different' from those around them. It can help if they feel that grieving can be a shared experience sometimes.
Let her know that people react in all sorts of ways to losing someone, and all of the ways of reacting are ok and are 'normal'. There is no set pattern or way of being.

Selks · 10/01/2012 20:38

Really sorry to hear of this, by the way.

Original poster
devonsmummy · 10/01/2012 20:41

Thanks selks

OP posts:
cornastasiaski · 10/01/2012 20:42

how awful Sad

ilovesprouts · 10/01/2012 20:45

:(

Selks · 10/01/2012 20:51

You're welcome to come back and update with how things are going over the next few days / weeks if you like. I'll keep an eye on the thread.

Selks · 10/01/2012 20:51

Sorry....it's your thread....... Blush

ShrodingersCatLivesAtMyHouse · 10/01/2012 21:00

Good point selks - teenagers are at that dreadful stage of desperately wanting to be different/original but also not wanting to be different for the wrong reason. I should imagine all the normality you can provide at the moment will be gratefully received whilst, as selks said, letting her know that sadness/anger/bewilderment are all totally normal and ok.

Do you know what happened to her mum? I should imagine she will want answers. I am so very sorry, what a dreadful thing for you all to go through, you have my sympathies Sad

SimonsOtherCat · 12/01/2012 14:36

How is your niece doing devonsmummy? Have you been able to talk to her?

(ShrodingersCatLivesAtMyHouse here, I have name changed)

Theas18 · 12/01/2012 14:39

How awfulSad.

If you need help/support these people are very good I understand

www.winstonswish.org.uk/

Original poster
devonsmummy · 12/01/2012 21:37

I haven't spoken to her yet as my brother has said she's not really up to it. We live an hour and a half away or I'd pop in to see them. I gave text her to let her know she can call/text me anytime and to do whatever she needs to let the grief out / cry, shout .. Whatever she feels.
My brother said it broke his heart telling her , she broke down then sobbed ' but what about me?'
He wasn't named on birth certificate so is now going to have to go through solicitors to obtain parental responsibility.
My brothers partner is pregnant with their 1st child so everything is rather stressful at the moment.
Social services are being great with advice.
My niece has posted on Facebook about her mum and seems quite stable considering. Am hoping to see them at the weekend
Thanks for asking x
Thanks for the link

OP posts:
SimonsOtherCat · 12/01/2012 22:23

Oh devonsmummy Sad Sad

This is where texts can be good so you can let people know you are around for them but without forcing them into a conversation they aren't ready for. I hope your brother can get the legal stuff sorted ASAP, just another element that no-one should be having to think about at the moment.

Have an ((((unmumsnetty hug)))) and make sure you get some less cyber hugs from someone in RL too.

Rhubarb35 · 12/01/2012 22:30

I would keep texting over the coming weeks. I have a friend (adult) who lost her mum very suddenly just befor christmas. I have seen her several times but I have also text her a couple of times a week since just saying stuff like I am still thinking of you etc. It would be a good way I think to let your neice know you are there for her in the coming weeks. My friend says she found it reassuring but knew she did not have to reply when she was feeling too low and meh to be bothered.

Long term she may want an adult female figure to confide in - not a replacement mum, as no one can ever fill that role, but so she knows there is someone there if and when she needs it, now or in 5 years time.

How sad for you all though. I am so sorry.

NCISgirl33 · 17/08/2013 23:27

Hi, I know this was posted ages ago, therefore I don't know if it's still an issue, but I'd like to help.
I'm 15 and also lost my mum suddenly when I was 13, as I said I don't know if you still need advice but feel free to PM me if you do because I know what your niece is going through and would like to help if I can.

Pawprint · 18/08/2013 17:40

Sorry to hear that SCIS must have been the most dreadful shock.

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