10 yr old being constantly bullied for 3yrs now

[pinklady5]

hi , can any1 give me advice please , my 10 yr old son told me something at the dinner table today that has me in tears , i know he has been bullied for over 3yrs now , even beaten up twice , the school is aware of every incident , but today he said " mam you should hear the horrible names the boys in my class call me " when i asked him what they call him he said " mam you would only get upset , dont worry im used to it by now " , i asked him does his teacher know about this & he said " yes but she just ignores it " i'm so annoyed that my child has 2 put up with this treatment on a daily basis ,

[junglist1]

Bullying by vermin like that causes suicide at the end of the day.

[junglist1]

Well today I've gone over and told an older boy in front of all his mates if he fucked with my kids again he'd be sorry. He told my 6 year old he was going to beat him up. The boy who was 12 shit himself, and I don't care. I meant every word. Now he's being really nice to my boys

[carelesswhispers]

ok informer2 , are you for real how old are you ?

[carelesswhispers]

[Chinwag]

I saw a fundraising campaign for this web site today and thought of you. I haven't had a good look, but I hope it helps.

www.bullying.co.uk/

[pinklady5]

thanks chinwag , i've printed off the advise from kidscape , thanks for the link , it has really helped . i saw the mother of the bully at the school this afternoon but she just gave me a dirty look ,
my ds didn't sleep very well last night , he kept shouting in his sleep which he never normally does , i told the principle this when she phoned me , i told her i am worried that he is stressed out with all this bullying ,

[Chinwag]

Also write a diary of events and your child's emotions etc because you may need it if you decided to take him to the Drs or take the issue further.

This is the Kidscape page I meant before, but I couldn't find it. It has some excellent advice.

www.kidscape.org.uk/assets/downloads/ksBullyStagesAdviceParents-WebsiteVersion.PDF

[pinklady5]

hi every1 , thanks for all your responses , mmm I'm starting to doubt her ability myself to sort all this out , the principle rang me 2day 2 tell me that the bully & co admitted to punching my ds & that she was going to keep them in from yard for a week & she phoned the boys parents , to my horror the class teacher has put my son sitting next to this bully all day 2day & told them to try be friends my ds told the teacher he didn't want to be x friend just wants x to leave him alone . the principle has asked all her staff to watch over my ds when he is out in the yard . she says she is very concerned now at how " brazen " the bully is. thanks smellen , great minds think a like ha i wrote down everything she said yesterday simply because i couldn't believe my ears ,

[smellen]

Crikey PinkLady. I am amazed that the principal is as unprofessional as to suggest that your DS make retorts to the bully or "imagine" it's not happening?!

I would start keeping notes on what she says. In fact, I would type up a letter, confirming the conversation you've had with her today, including her response - in a very factual manner - and deliver it to her tomorrow, explaining that I had copied in the governors LEA (or whatever the equivalent would be in Eire). Perhaps once she realises her job may be under scrutiny she will start taking some action. I also would also be sorely tempted to talk to the police or Garda about a caution for this boy - he is assaulting other kids - so where does it stop?

Keep us posted, and good luck.

PS Have you tried posting for advice on the TES chatrooms? Am sure you'd be able to get some more up-to-date advice than that which I can offer (SAHM at the mo!)

[Chinwag]

Can you access the policy on line? Most schools have it available to download.

[BottySpottom]

I can't believe this is happening in primary school . Forget the good reputation - it's not a good school if it has let this continue for so long.

[pinklady5]

thanks piscesmoon , i am not going to let it drop this time , it sickens me that schools seem to try protect these bullies while their victims get ignored ,the principle told me 2day that my ds should try think up some snappy retorts , but i reckon that will only egg the bully on 2 fight , i am starting to think that the principle hasn't got a clue how to sort this bully out , & just wants my ds to sort it out himself ,

[piscesmoon]

If he has 2 years to go you need to persevere. I think that I would write to the governors if she doesn't show you the policy.

[pinklady5]

yeah we are going to go back up in the morning i think at this stage we will have to be in the principles face every day for her to take action , if that's what it takes then that's what ill do , i live in ireland so my ds wont finish up until end of June & still has two years 2 go in this school b4 he goes in2 secondary . yeah i will threaten 2 get the police involved if she doesn't deal with this brat. she told me to try get my ds 2 imagine he has body armour on & that might help him i asked her was she for real

[jabberwocky]

pinklady, this situation happened with a friend of mine and she told the principle that she would be going to the police station to file formal assault charges against the bully. That got some attention!

[piscesmoon]

When you go back I would insist that you see the bullying policy. If they won't I would be inclined to ring the LEA and ask them about it. Have you looked at the Ofsted to see what grade they got for pastoral care?
Luckily he only has a matter of weeks to go. Is he going to a different secondary school than most of the class? Have you checked out how they deal with it at the school he will be going to?

[pinklady5]

hi every1 , thanks for giving me a listening ear , i don't know what i would do with out all your advise , my ds was punched YET AGAIN today by same bully , i went in2 principle & told her out straight that this has to stop right now , i asked her about her anti bulling policy but she just said that she will talk to the boy & if he hits my ds again after that she will call up his parents , so once again i feel fobbed off i told her that if she does not sort this boy out quickly that i will have to take matters further , she just apologised ,
on our way home i asked my ds how it all started , he told me that the bully kept telling my ds 2 punch him & calling y ds a wimp, when my ds refused to hit him the bully punched him in the stomack & a teacher caught him grabbing my son by the neck of his jumper but just told the bully 2 let him go . yes smellen this little shit
goes around the yard hitting several other k kids . i feel now we (hubby&I) should go back up 2 the principle in the morning & tell her about thebully trying to coax my ds in2 a fight , the bully also had the back up of another bully who joined in . sorry for the long moan

[piscesmoon]

I think that I would go up and say that you were pleased that it was dealt with and you think it would be helpful for your DS if they continue to have a zero tolerance on bullying.(A bit of praise might help).

[smellen]

What sanctions were applied to the bully? (Were there witnesses? Did the child admit to hitting your son? If yes, I would expect the school to at least give a detention, or temporary exclusion). Clearly the school cannot discuss this child's record with you, but could you find out whether other children have been assaulted by this kid?

I would want more action than just an angry classroom teacher. It's hardly teaching the bully that his actions have any serious consequences, is it?

What does he have to do? Knock someone out? Seriously injure someone? Everyone has the right to go to their school or place of work and not be assaulted. Perhaps you should ask the principal whether she wants you to get the police involved. Then she might start doing her job.

Good on your DS though! That took courage.

[pinklady5]

hi every1 , just an update , my ds got on fine in school yesterday , but the bully got hold of him 2day at play time , he punched my ds twice in arm & chest , very proud of my ds coz he went straight to the principles office 2 explain what had happened , the principle took the bully in2 her office then when break time ended she walked back in2 the class with him & told the teacher what he had done to my ds , after the principle left the room , the class teacher got very angry with the bully , seems like the principle is paying more attention now but do you guys think we should go up about this incident or wait & see how things go ? thanks every1 for all your advise ,

[AliGrylls]

That is awful. I was bullied a bit as a child. Luckily my mother was one of the only militant anti-bullying people around at the time. She went down to the school and nagged them until the school actually did something - wondering if that might be the way ahead. It must be awful for you as a parent to know what has been going on. I hope you get it sorted out.

[piscesmoon]

I think you should get him to look at the kids page-there is advice there. I would also phone the help line and discuss your specific case and the schools lack of action.
I would strongly suggest that he does something that he would like out of school and make some like minded friends. If he likes swimming-take it further with life saving or similar-or how about something like kayaking?

[pinklady5]

thanks piscesmoon , read up on those pages you gave the links to , your right about my ds shouldn't be the 1 who should change his behaviour but don't know what else to advise him at this stage ,

[piscesmoon]

Good for him pinklady-he shouldn't be the one to change his behaviour. I would get him to look at the kidscape site-he won't seem so alone.