3y.o potentially getting "bullied" by a classmate

[newtoUKschoolmom]

Just wanting your thoughts opinions or advice please. My 1st child, 3y.o son goes fulltime in nursery school setting.
he is the smallest of his class
Sept2023 we picked him up and noticed a red mark on his eyebrow, he told us a boy had hit him with a toy. Staff did not know or witnessed anything. Months passed and he has been telling us the same story but we brush it off thinking they're "kids", teachers havent said anything and he was still happy going to school.
Early Jan2024 again same story, we brushed it off (we dont want to cause trouble or anything)
mid january during drop off I was walking with my son towards the school door, I was behind him. Then this kid pushed my son really hard on his back. The relative who drops him off 99% of the time didnt witness it as he was few seconds behind. Other parents were still present at this time. Since then I always hold my son hands and always walk with him to the door. This incident had validated what my son was telling us all those months.
Early FEB staff had witnessed the same boy kicked my son.
My son at this time was starting to think that if anything happens to him he thinks its the other boy's doing. As he was telling me the boy kicked him in the garden but when I spoke to teacher she said that wasnt true as they were far from each other and my son just tripped on his own.
Just days before the half term, AGAIN during drop off time, this time I let my son walk up to the door along with his classmates. There were kids in front of him and behind him. The same kid run up towards the group to catch up and then pushed my son again (with no provocation whatsoever) The teacher did not see it even though she was infront of them as she was busy talking to another parent. But one of the parent saw it and gave me a sympathetic look and I had spoken to her briefly and she said her son is actually been telling things as well about the boy doing somethings to her own son (I believe if I heard her right ) and to other kids. By this time I have had enough and demanded a meeting with the headteacher. Again during this 2nd incident, I was trying to look out for his relative but couldn't find any. I guess I felt like there was less responsibility on their part to look out for their child/family member with utmost attention?

My other problem is my partner and I are opposite. I always say to my son "hitting is bad,etc" But my husband being a victim of bullying himself when he was a child is telling my son to hit him back. I always think they are only 3year old and might not be capable of "bullying" per se? I always given them the benefit of the doubt. but why is it getting consistent? I dont want my child to harbour any hatred towards that child but the frequency of the behaviour is worrying.

After halfterm my son gets teary and dont want to go to school and has been really hard to motivate him to go to school and would randomly just say the same story again. its giving us mental and emotional stress.

And then today, the same boy pushed him again with no provocation whatsoever based on what the staff said.

We will have another meeting with the headteacher and I have asked for a safety plan. am i being overdramatic?
We are very worried as this might get worse when they go to reception this year. The boy only goes in the morning atm.
I am even thinking of changing schools but the application deadline is way passed and offer day is just few weeks from now.
I ask my child if he wants to move to another school but he said No he will miss his other fulltime nursery classmates.
He is thriving at school but if I could avoid any more conflict or any form of "bullying" behaviour I would happily move him asap.

Just slightly off topic we were on a fastfood chain back in december and we saw the child and his "dad" I believe. So when my partner and my son was leaving they passed by them and my son (very friendly and happy kid as he is) waves and said hi/hello to them. But they just ignored them and the dad was just frowning .

Do they automatically do ADHD assessments on that child? I dont know anything about situations like this.
I'm sorry for the lengthy post. Thank you for taking time to read. We really appreciate it.

[gato21]

I don't think that you are being overprotective or at all unreasonable asking for a meeting to review your child's safety. It is affecting your DS's happiness and you are right to ensure that he is protected. However, having said that, I would not concentrate on the other boy - at the end of the day your child is being hurt and is affected by something going on at nursery and this is the situation that the staff should be trying to resolve. You know that it is one child in particular so you can go to them and ask that the two are kept separate or that there is close monitoring to ensure that your child isn't pushed. Make a note of what you have seen and present it without blaming the other child as it really doesn't impact on your position whether there is an underlying issue or not. At the end of the day your DS needs to be protected.