When do you throw in the towel and move schools?

[TudorClock]

9 year old, previously very happy in school, has been bullied since September by a new joiner in their class.

School are very big on telling me how much improvement the other child has made 🙄but my child now upset and not wanting to go in.

If we move them, they will miss their friends and I feel it will be damaging to them. It also seems ridiculous that my child who is blameless should leave and the bully stay. On the other hand I can actually see my child getting quieter and sadder.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Schools are often big on talk but when it comes to dealing with actual bullying, seem to fall well short. They are doing both your child and the bully a disservice by failing to nip it in the bud.

My DD is in a private school (it's no better here) in Y8 and is currently being severely bullied. The school just will not deal with the bully effectively (we're talking racial slurs, stealing my DD's property, physically attacking her, shoving her in games and general nastiness). Yet each time they let this girl off with the lightest of punishments, then send her back in to carry on.

So I'm sorry but I don't have much in the way of advice for you. It's a shit situation and all we can do is keep pressure on the school.

I'm currently following the schools complaints process. Next step is governor level. If they still won't do anything I will complain to the DfE and the ISI.

Are you able to go in to the school abd help in your DD class as a volunteer so you can see exactly what's going on

I would move your DC as soon as possible. I left mine in the original school for ages as they had good friends there and I thought it would be harder to start again without friends. It wasn't. She started the new school, was a little nervous and shy for a few weeks but was happy from the start. No more bullying makes a huge difference. She has settled in realty well and looks forward to going to school each morning again. I wish I had moved her at the start. It would have saved all the anxiety and upset and loss of confidence.

@Azure900
I'm so sorry your DD is going through this too. This is also a private school, and both the sort of bullying and the schools response are very similar, I actually wonder if it's the same school!

I do wonder about complaining to the governors but it's such a long process at this school to get them to look at anything that I'm not sure it will make any difference in time. I hope you have more luck and thanks for replying.

@UpsideLeft I do actually volunteer in school, but the policy is that you aren't allowed to volunteer with the year group your child is in, but thanks for the suggestion.

@TwentyFirstCenturyOracle I'm so glad to hear your DD is happy. Can I ask, how did you choose which school to move her to, and also, did she manage to maintain friendships from the previous school when she moved?

We went to see the school in the next village. We liked it. Her old school only had between 20 and 25 pupils for each year. The new school has 3 classes for each year and luckily had one space in her year. She started the next day. She still sees her 2 closest friends from the old school regularly. They live in our village so they have frequent playdates and also go to an activity she goes to.
She has made lovely new friends. The biggest difference is nobody in the new school is always trying to wreck her day. She thinks all the kids in her class are nice to each other. She loves and is shocked by this which shows what the atmosphere in the last class was like. I regret not moving her as soon as it started affecting her. She is back to her happy go lucky self. She was quiet and worried and reluctant to go to school for a long time.
Every situation is different but if it is affecting your DC I would just move.

Hand in your notice at the current school and tell them why.

In terms of complaining etc you need to ask why they aren't safeguarding your child against the ongoing emotional damage being inflicted on them whilst in their care.

OP sorry you and your DC are going through this. My DD was bullied in Yr6 - physical assault, name calling, ring leaders ganging up on her and trying to get other girls to do the same. The school was useless - like you, I kept being told how much better the bullies’ behaviour was getting, how other parents were calling the school to say how much things had improved (they weren’t) etc etc

we were promised things would change in yr7 but they didn’t so we changed schools and DD has been so happy and settled at her new school, it is wonderful to see. We had to such up double school fees but made sacrifices to make it happen as we didn’t want her to have to “work her notice.”

I really can’t understand why schools seem so powerless in these situations. It wasn’t just my DD who had been bullied either.

To answer your other questions, we looked around another school and the vibe was very different. They were honest about incidents of bullying but their approach was much more transparent. They said they were focused on resolving any bullying issues quickly and encouraged parents to raise concerns. As a PP said, the head of the new school pointed out that letting bullies get away with their behaviour is not great for them or the victims so they were motivated by welfare concerns for both parties.

DD then did a taster day and loved it so started asap

DD has absolutely kept her friendships from the old school. WhatsApp has helped here! And regular play dates / sleepovers