Older teen taking photos of my autistic child and possibly sharing, bullying, how to handle?

[snowjoke100]

My DS12 (who is recovering from burnout and not in school sadly) has started attending a new activity (outside of any school) which he is enjoying, but an older boy, maybe 15/16, who sits next to him, is saying things to him like "you are so autistic" and also telling him to shut up every time he speaks.

This boy is also apparently using snapchat to take photos of my DS and I think probably sharing them (I guess disparagingly?). There is no need for any photos to be taken. They don't need phones at all for this activity. My DS is also incredibly quiet, shy and well behaved so I am pretty certain that he isn't doing anything that is particularly annoying.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks (effectively since my DC started) and we talked about whether he could manage it himself by telling the older boy to stop... but he has tried and it hasn't stopped.

I emailed the organisers a few days ago asking for their help in how to deal with it (it isn't as easy as keep them apart due to the nature of the activity) but have had no reply. I really don't want my son dropping out as he has had such a terrible year.

Has anyone experienced anything like this, and if so how would you manage it?

Pull him out. Terrible that the organisers haven’t been on the ball with this.

I think we will have to... but it's such a shame as he couldn't go out of the house for months and really enjoys this (obviously apart from the bullying - which is what I think it is).

I wouldn’t send him back until you receive a satisfactory response from the organisers. Is there a contact number you can call or text to chase them up and let them know you’ve emailed them and need a prompt response?

Can you go see the organisers either at the beginning - or possibly better at the end of the session? So next time ask DS to hang back and then go in. I'm assuming volunteers so they may not be as on top of emails or actually feel out of their depth, or just useless. Either way, going in and talking to them would be a step before taking him out especially if he's been trying so hard to move forward.

P.S. This behaviour (photographing without consent and posting online), is frighteningly common among teens now. There are “mugs/ muggies” accounts which they upload them to for others to join in being unkind and humiliate the victim. This can be taken to the police, particularly if the organisers are not dealing with it effectively.

Why is it that those doing the bullying are not pulled out and made to leave but those not are the ones to suffer. Contact them again and suggest they do just that if not you'll pull your son out. It's discriminatory and they are allowing it by not doing anything about it. If needs be say you'll go to the papers so others are aware of their totally bias attitudes. That ought to put a rocket up their bums!

Have you spoken to the organisers or just emailed? I’d make a call and if it’s attached to a school or organisation I’d contact them to. Work hard at this and be pushy. Don’t let it slide another day. You want the photographing to stop and they can do that. If it’s a club like DandG then older more established members might be very supportive.

This is all really helpful.

It is actually a paid activity (a business running it) so not volunteers.

I agree the bully should be out and not my son. It is so infuriating, especially as my boy has been so brave in going.

Request their documemtation on Safeguarding Children, they must have one, I recently had to produce one for an organisation that included mamy autistic teens doing a particular sport.

I would expect to see something about bully and not taking photos without permission of the parent or carer. The bully should be leaving not your son. It would bs a terrible shame if he lost access to sonething he can enjoy.

#@snowjoke100

I think 🤔 you need to have a talk with the organiser's of this activity group your son is involved with as soon as possible,

They may simply, just not be aware of what's really going on as this bully as quite often are ,are clever at being sneaky and manipulative at putting up a good front, a facade to the organiser's and other people in the group,

but shows their true selfs to one's who percieve as easier target to inflict project onto one's such your son who is unfortunately been targeted,

I would also look into other activities groups too,
as an alternative or a back up, to this current group your son is involved with currently...

Definitely go in speak to the organisers. This is bullying and really terrible behaviour. They can and need to sort this.

You can model really good behaviour on this one for your son. Take your place in the world. He has every right to be at the activity without being upset and harassed. The other hold is being unpleasant and you can and should ask for that to change. Well done him for being brave and trying something new.

Just to add I produced the Safeguarding policy documents as a volunteer, I would expect a business to be on it.

Good if its a business then you can push harder and demand they address it. I'd go in and see them before the next session - again assuming its a business and there will be offices or something. Hopefully the organisers should step up and deal with it. Its tough when your kid has taken such a knock, but good on your DS for getting back into activities.

Check out their website for mission statements and policies also, do they talk about being inclusive?

If it's a business they still have a safeguarding duty. I would start with I'm concerned about safeguarding and wanted to approach you before taking more formal action

Thanks to you all for your thoughts. I've just had a call with them. I have stressed how seriously I am taking it, it's disability discrimination amongst other things, and they need to address it so that it stops before the next session. I have checked their safeguarding policies and they are robust... as long as they are followed....

@snowjoke100 I'm going to go against the grain here by saying don't pull him. Teach him how to stand up for himself. How to cop an attitude or he will be easy fodder to bulllies for the rest of his life.

Sometimes all it takes is loudly saying "WTF are you doing taking pics of a kid, your perv?" to embarras the bully and bring attention to what they're doing.

"Do you fancy me? You're always trying to mess with me. I'm not into you, mate. Go away"

"Why are you so obsessed with me? Leave me alone, I don't want to be your boyfriend!"

Teach him to be loud and annoyed in tone. I guarantee that when he is less easy to target, he will be left alone. Bullies thrive because they aren't challenged.

GO @snowjoke100

well done that Mum, and thank you for helping make it better for everyone.

Would they allow you to go there yourself and sit quietly in the corner so you can see exactly what's going on ? Whilst the DC and organisers get on with the activities

They should pull this boy out immediately for his behaviour as it should not be tolerated under their own safeguarding rules