Child Bullied by Welfare Officer

[Happygilmore101]

Hi Everyone, I need some advice or views on this issue which has arisen recently.

Unfortunately during my son's football match two weeks ago (he's 10) he lost his temper after a particularly aggressive tackle towards him and said something inappropriate to another player.

One of the parents (we don't know who) overheard this and reported him to the team's welfare officer. Quite why they didn't just have a quick word with us is baffling given that were all standing together watching the kids each week but hey ho, I guess some people are just more inclined to operate in the shadows while smiling to your face.

The Welfare officer contacted us and let us know the situation, and that sanctions could be applied to my son following any mitigation we could offer. Speaking to my son he was very remorseful, didn't know what the word he said even meant and wrote a handwritten letter to the Welfare officer to apologise and offer reassurance it won't happen again. My son was very worried about the whole thing and was losing sleep over it.

It wasn't until 5 full days later that the Welfare officer responded to say, thanks for your mitigation, we have spoken to all the coaches and they support my son in full and have never heard any wrongdoing from him.

We thought this would be enough, but this is where things get more sinister.

Despite all the apologies, the letter from my son and positive feedback from his coaches the Welfare officer tells us that things have escalated and the parent who reported him has now added on other allegations such as swearing, all of course on the say-so of the mystery parents.

To position my son in this way, as some kind of menace with no physical proof, and for a Welfare officer to take this position, coming back again and again with more issues doesn't feel right. Instead of de-escalating the situation he is trying to aggravate it which is unacceptable for someone who is meant to be in a child Welfare position. On top of that, he took 5 days to acknowledge our initial response and didn't even mention the letter of apology my son wrote either.

We then asked to meet him in person since things according to him were escalating, he did not wish to meet. He even wrote himself that he hopes we don't feel like this is a personal attack on our son...which we clearly do.

Of course none of this excuses my son saying something inappropriate to another child which we as his parents have dealt with, but at the same time it also doesn't warrant being singled out, bullied and harrassed like this over and over via email either. A child Welfare officer should know better in my opinion.

So my question is, has anyone else ever experienced anything like this, and can you share what you did to resolve it. I am very tempted to report him to our county FA Welfare team or just rise above the whole thing.

Any views would be appreciated.

[Woush]

This reads like you are trying to excuse your sons poor behaviour.

Was it a racist, homophobic or similar slur against a protected characteristic?

You will believe what your child is saying.

The victims parents will believe what their child is saying.

The welfare officer will not discount the victims claims without investigating each as much as they can. The welfare officer investigating is not bullying.

[ChihuahuasREvil]

So your son used an inappropriate word towards another player, I’m assuming N word or something homophobic, yet you refuse to believe that he could’ve been swearing? Of course he knew what it meant, otherwise he wouldn’t have used it.

I have no idea about the conduct of this welfare officer, he’s probably just doing his job, but pull your head out of your arse when it comes to the conduct of your child. He’s not the perfect innocent little angel you think he is. He’s probably not a horrible child, he’s just a kid, and kids do and say stupid shit.

[titchy]

The welfare officer investigated the first complaint, the behaviour of your ds
which you acknowledge. In light of your dis's clear remorse and good behaviour, as acknowledged by coaches, the welfare officer rightly told you no further action would be taken over the incident.

All good and sensible so far - I don't think a 5 day turnaround is unreasonable.

The other parents have now come back with more allegations. The welfare officer is again duty bound to investigate. But you now regard his duty to investigate as tantamount to bullying. Is that right or have I misunderstood?

[Chewbecca]

I too do not understand why a WO investigating allegations = bullying.

Is the WO a voluntary role or a full time, paid employee?

[Oblomov23]

You are in cloud cuckoo land.

Is the welfare officer an unpaid volunteer position. He has to hear the complaint, write notes, contact the parent, wait for them to come back to him, write more notes, investigate things, check, perhaps approval. Write letter to you. In his evenings once he gets home from work. How quickly do you think the above happens?

Then. The Parent makes further allegations. Do he needs to do the above, yet again.

[Twoshoesnewshoes]

Five day turn around sounds very reasonable.
i think that the approach from the WO is appropriate, and also it’s very understandable that a parent would raise this with the WO rather than yourself directly.

[Happygilmore101]

Thanks to everyone for the constructive comments.