Son bullied

[GEK1983]

Hi all,

My son is in year 9 and has had nothing but problems at school since year 7.

In year 7 he was bullied by a particular boy who then went on to grope him inappropriately. This was reported to school and the school called the police. The police did nothing and even said 'boys will be boys' and said the boy was autistic so they couldn't do anything. The school said they wouldn't exclude him but would remove him from his classes, which they did after nearly a month!!!

Then year 8 came and the issues with first boy stopped but two other boys started to bully him, name calling, using racist language based on the colour of his skin, we are white so apparently it doesn't matter. Nothing was done. They've pushed and shoved him, called his family names etc. School have put them in isolation once and suspended one for 2 days but it hasn't stopped them, if anything since year 9 started it's got worse. To top it all off, the boy who sexually assaulted my son in year 7 is now in the same classss as my son too and now he's starting. He's tried spraying my son in the face with things and pushes him to the floor, takes his things and all the head of year has said to my son when he's reported it is 'boys are hyper'. I'm sick of this mentality and lack of dealing with it. We've tried to get him into another school but places are scarce and my son doesn't want to move as he has a few friends at current school.
It is now starting to affect his mental health (he had been very resilient until recently) and he now won't attend after school clubs and cried in the car on the way home yesterday.

We are having a meeting with school again, to which I know nothing will be done at the end of the day. Other than going to governors and threatening to go to the papers is there anything else I can say/do? Thanks

[MariePaperRoses]

Would you go into work and face that treatment? Of course you wouldn't. Stop sending him in.

Home school him until you can find a different school.

Meanwhile report to school board and make sure you have every incident written down.

Please stop sending him in.

I would also get him interested in martial arts such as Judo.

[Startingagainandagain]

Your poor son.

You need to make an official complaint. Go above the Head and straight to the Governors. Threaten to get the local MP involved

Report to the police again. Make a complaint if they don't take it seriously.

Ultimately he needs to go to another school but this particular school needs to face the consequences of failing to safeguard your child.

In the meantime remove your kid from that environment.

It makes me so angry when school just fail to act like that and place kids in harmful situations...

[GEK1983]

I wouldn't have a clue how to home school, especially at year 9 when it's going to be picking GCSE's soon.

Will definitely take it further though. I don't want him to miss out on education by pulling him especially in year 9. Why should my son be punished for the actions of others? Chances are we will be in trouble for not sending him and the school won't care because it will stop us going in every 5 mins to complain.

Thanks for your advice btw x

[flubberty]

That’s awful! Can you get him some therapy to deal with the effects of this bully as well? They can last a lifetime.

[SoSBeingAMumIsHard]

Change his school

[disposablebarbecue]

This is very sad to hear you should change schools.

[Ionacat]

I’m so sorry this is happening.

I would take a multi-approach.

1. Look into other schools and phone your local authority and see which schools have spaces - no harm in seeing what might be available. You could consider appealing if the schools are full. Perhaps a trial day elsewhere may convince him that things could be better elsewhere?
   
   
2. Find the school’s bullying policy and safeguarding policy plus the behaviour one would be useful. (No one should be saying boys will be boys - check out the child on child abuse section in Keeping Children Safe in Education and quote it at the school ) Have the policies been followed? Have the correct sanctions been applied?
   In terms of taking it further, you need the school complaints policy. Start with a formal complaint - it will usually be head first however you do need to make it clear it’s a formal complaint. Then follow the policy to the letter escalating as per the policy if you’re not satisfied with the outcome. As a governor we can do nothing until the complaint comes to us via the appropriate step in the complaints policy and we have to have no prior knowledge. Most people don’t do this and then wonder why nothing changes and ‘schools get away with it.’ Your MP should ask if you’ve made a formal complaint first, I’m not sure there’s much else they can do.
   
   
3. Consider keeping your DS at home until after the meeting and the school have given you a way forward that keeps your DS safe. Ask what support they can give your DS to support his mental health.
   
   I personally would not go to the press. The school will be unable to comment. You lose control of the narrative as well once it’s in the public domain and no doubt people will see it and the last thing you need is online abuse.
   
   Take minutes of any meeting with the school and send back to the school via email and say just to confirm we met on X date you agreed the following would happen by Y date and would be actioned by Mrs A and Mr B. You start a paper trail then which is very useful for complaints as if the school don’t stick to it, you have evidence.

[Startrekkeruniverse]

Have you tried speaking to the bullies’ parents? Do they care? I’m really sorry for you and your son.

[Terrrence]

I would move him somewhere else and keep him home until I found him a place. No point in persisting with the school as it doesn't sound a nice environment even if they do something about this round of bullying.

[amispeakingintongues]

Pull him out and move him elsewhere. Sending him in is doing him way more harm than missing a few lessons. You can resit a GCSE but you can't click your fingers and regain self esteem.