Boy with ASD is bullying my DD

[ThanksForAllTheFish]

I'm not sure how to handle the situation.

DD is in P3 (year 2 equivelant). This year the classes have been shifted around and this boy is in her class for the first time. DD is one of the smallest in her year and this boy is almost twice her height and about 3 times her weight. She has been telling me about incidents with this boy for the past couple of months and from observing at drop off and pick up times (as well as birthday parties) I can see myself that his behaviour is a bit boisterous.

There have been too many incidents to list them all so I will just list a few recent ones.

Last week DD said he walked up to her at lunch, looked her straight in the face and tipped up her lunch tray so it fell on the floor / spilled over her (she had just collected lunch and was walking to a table). When the lunch monitors asked what happend DD told them but he said it was an accident so nothing was done.

A couple of weeks back I noticed DD had a large bruise on her chest and 2 smaller finger shaped bruises on her arm. When I asked her what happened she said at playtime this boy grabbed her arm and spun her round then punched her in the chest. He did get in trouble for that but the school didn't inform me of the incident.

On Monday DD went to school with her brand new shoes and by collection time they were all scraped on the front of one toe. Now DD is generally not one to wreck shoes so I asked her if she had fell (I was worried the shoes might have been too big and causing her to trip etc) but she said that this boy had slammed her against the wall and her shoes had scraped, she said her knee was also sore and grazed from it (it's also bruised) Again she told the playground monitor what had happened and this boy said he was just play fighting and it was an accident so nothing was done.

Now I do understand this boy has ASD so he doesn't understand the same way other children do. I know the school are working with him and his behaviour (he gets a well done sticker on the days he doesn't hit anyone). I have spoken to the teacher about it and she has moved DD to another table so they no longer sit together. I also understand he is like this with several of the other children and not just my DD and since starting this year 2 parents have moved their children to another school as this boy was terrorising them. I have spoken to these parents recently at a birthday party so I know for a fact they moved school because if this boys behaviour and the lack of action taken by the school.

What do I do now? This is knocking DD's confidence, she often doesn't want to go to school. I've started to keep a log of the incidents myself but not sure what, if anything we can do. I've told DD to avoid him but she said he seeks her out and follows her around so she sometimes will just spend playtime in the girls toilets rather than the playground as he isn't allowed in there. I should mention we are in Scotland as that might make a difference as to what procedures I can follow.

[BishopBrennansArse]

Apologies for the apostrophe. Bloody autocorrect.

[juneau]

His ASD is largely irrelevant IMO. He is bullying your DD and the school need to take that seriously and put a stop to it. How they do that is up to them and the DC's parents, but its absolutely not okay for your DD to be being bullied by anyone, ASD or not.

[BishopBrennansArse]

That's bullshit too.

[Ayeok]

juneau while I fully agree that the school should be stepping up and dealing with the OPs concerns, to say that ASD is irrelevant in this case is wrong and also very ignorant. It's the school's responsibility to put safeguards in place to ensure all the children are safe and protected at school, but strategies for preventing aggressive or violent behaviour are massively different when a child has ASD. Posts like yours make me sad.

[happymumof4crazykids]

I was talking about the excuses the schools used for his naughtiness not his diagnosis it wasn't meant to be disabilism some people are just too bloody over sensitive about everything these days!!

[OurBlanche]

Oh! I see! That is, in my opinion, annoying.

Happy's original post, now deleted so we can't discuss it properly, reflected the damage that the lack of funding, support and knowledge in school management of all children with any dx can do.

As other kids and their parents become more and more frustrated and the child with SN continues to develop with no support, guidance, effective strategies to learn, communally (as opposed to living within the family unit) this debate rages, the polemic widens.

Or it would... if it weren't for the fact that any less than uberPC post gets reported and deleted, even when, as with Happy's post, the content of the post was agreeing with those of the person who reported it!

If, as Dixies suggests, tone is being censored, then there is absolutely no way to have any discussion... on any topic that raises emotions.

Badly done, Bishop and MN! Badly done!

[Ayeok]

I think Happy's post at the end was poorly worded, but I agree with the sentiment. Too often schools are underfunded or can't be bothered to sort out proper support for kids with SN, which is part of the problem surrounding ignorance of conditions/diagnoses because people who are supposed to help are the ones creating the problem.

[kiki22]

I've not read the whole post sorry if this has been said already. I wouldn't even mention his ASD its for the school and his parents to work out how to let him attend school without problems I would stick with the fact your child is being bullied and she has the right to attend school without fear end of story this other Childs problems are irrelevant at this point. If this boy is forcing multiple children out of the school they may need to look at alternatives for him.

Have it all on paper print out the anti bullying policy and tell the head your prepared to go over her head of its not solved. I would also want the people who are ignoring your DD being assaulted spoken to. We have a similar child in our school hes no longer allowed in the main play area he has to stay in a small side part his mum was really angry he was being separated but at the end of the day regardless to his issues the head had to protect all the children.

Dont let it go and don't be afraid to fight for your child.

[BishopBrennansArse]

I don't accept that.

The post solely blamed a child for his disability affecting other children. That is completely unacceptable.

Expecting people to behave differently when their disability prevents them from doing so is disablist.

I'm not saying Happy didn't have a valid issue. A child should never be adversely affected by the actions of another child.

The blame lies solely at the door of Happy's incompetent school. Happy didn't refer to that but instead blamed a disabled child using his disability as an excuse for what they perceived to be poor behaviour targeted at their child.

It's not on.

[OurBlanche]

The post solely blamed a child for his disability affecting other children. That is completely unacceptable. Since you reported it and it was deleted we can't debate that now.

I didn't read it like that at all, as I have said. I read a frustrated parent cataloguing a spate of behaviours that damaged her child and her child's belongings and then went on to wholly blame the school for not having better support in place.

Yes, the first half was angry in tone, she was angry. But, as I read it and as Happy has said, she did not blame the child...

But all that is academic. You had the post deleted. We can't discuss it.

That is, as I see it, an own goal on your part!

[MrsRyanGosling15]

So it's ok for you to say the other child's dx is not the other parents business but when other posters say the same it's 'bullshit' I really think everyone could maybe think how their 'tone' is coming. My ds was bullied very badly by a child with additional needs. I have no idea what they were, neither did I need to or want to know or ever once ask for more information. I never asked what the scool or parents of this child were doing to help/support/stop his behaviour because it wasn't my child and wasn't my business. What was my business was keeping my child safe and working with the school to protect him and build his confidence and self esteem up again. No doubt someone somewhere with have issue with this too.

[OurBlanche]

I'm lost, Dixie. Who said a school had told everyone about a dx?

[BishopBrennansArse]

If a school is blaming a disability for behaviour rather than their poor management of the situation that'd be a confidentiality breach.

[OurBlanche]

Happy's post? That didn't say the school was telling everyone.

She didn't say how she knew there was a child with SN... just that she did know and that the school was not dealing with it well.

And your last line there, Dixies, is precisely how I read that post. Which is why I was flummoxed when Bishop asked for it to be removed!

But, as I said, we can't really discuss it meaningfully, now that it has gone!

[idontlikealdi]

I had a similar issue with my daughter last year OP. It escalated. The other child had a 1-1 but no support at break. She was attacking other children.

After kicking up a fuss and my daughter and others having a number of injuries additional support was put in place at break / lunch. All been fine since.

The school have a duty of care to all the children regardless of SEN / additional needs.

Go and talk to the head, follow the bullying procedure - this should be in the website - if not, ask for a copy.

[idontlikealdi]

Just to add while this was all going on we were never told anything about the other child - as it should be.

[RockinHippy]

Forget the noy, whether he has SM or not, he is not the one at fault here, the school are & the fact that others have already removed their DCs to other schools because of the schools failure to act, does not bode well.

From experience, my advice would be to move her now & don't look back.


I have been where you are, I fought the school & to a degree won, but there will always be another troubled/SN, or out & out bully of a kid come along & it starts again. In DDs case there was several, she is kind, compassionate & very thoughtful of others. Unfortunately I think & it was said by staff, that this made her attractive to anyone who was troubled & not fitting in, in any way. The school realised this & she was often set as mentor for these DCs, most of whom did not have SN, because she had a calming effect, but it often went wrong & as the school were failing in their duty of care to her & others, it was ALWAYS going to go wrong.

It got worse over the years, ended up with a bully of a teacher too, one who ignored my DDs own SN - again the school made excuses & did nothing - after several broken bones, plus anxiety from hell, we ended up having to take her out of school part way through years 6 & had to homeschool for a few months until a place was found for her at a good school - & by what a difference that school was

I kick myself for not doing that sooner & moving her when others had the common sense to do so. I was naive, I thought fighting & winning was a far better life lesson for DD, I was wrong

[OurBlanche]

Dixie, without the post I doubt any of us can remember the exact wording... which is why I have been saying it is a pity that it was reported.

We could have had a meaningful discussion about the way we read words, the often unintended disablism that can be so offensive. If Happy's post were still there we could refer to it... precisely.


There will be no common understanding of often unthinking ways we present ideas that can be offensive, why some see it, some don't and how it can be changed.

As it is all we can now have is a bit of a bun fight about how we reacted to it, how we remember it.

[northernmonkey1010]

This bully shouldn't be allowed on the playground until he learns he can't behave like that to his peers