Was this an anti-semitic incident?

[Gizzle]

My son attends an inner city primary school and is in year 1. As I am Jewish, DH (who is not) and I are bringing him up in the faith, although only loosely. He is the only Jewish child in his school of 600 or so kids; which if I'm honest, does concern me a bit. During bathtime last night, he relayed to DH something that had taken place during a class discussion on religion earlier that day. My DS put up his hand to say that he is Jewish. A little girl subsequently put up her hand to say that her older brother had told her that Jews don't believe in God, which had obviously upset him a little. At first I brushed this aside as nothing, but DH's negative reaction caused me to reflect. I don't think the comment itself is so offensive, but given that the girl is from a devout Muslim background, I think it would be naive to think that there wasn't an anti-semitic sentiment behind it, coming from the girl's brother at least. DH, who works in education, ran it past a couple of heads who both confirmed that they would view it as a 'racist incident', and potentially involve the parents, but I'm not sure I would see that as helpful. I spoke to his class teacher who was sympathetic and didn't try to play down the incident, but said that they had little influence over what happens at home. Should I take this further; and if so, how? TBH, I don't want his Jewishness to become an issue at school.

[Theas18]

I see no problem with the 5yr old girls comment. I do see a problem with the teacher suggesting your DS had a none Jewish half and he should use that in future though-that is awful! surely a person holds a religion or they don't? THe fact he has an agnostic parent isn't significant here ( thoug I know that's maybe a bit simplistic as regards " Jewish heritage" when looked at from the view of the Rabbis.

[VivaLeBeaver]

But those examples are all very negative. Whereas I don't think the situation in the OP is.

[nicename]

Some people are just very ignorant about other religions. I have heard kids refer to 'dirty food' (ie non halal), Christmas being all 'made up rubbish' (atheist kids), Catholics being sinister (protestant - granted, from a segregated area in the 1970s), and this must be coming from discussions/bigoted remarks at home.

The schools must be aware that there are some loud mouths who think that it is fine to knock/ridicule other religions while they promote their own/non beliefs at home. Sometimes they seem afraid to say anything in case they get accused of racism or intolerance.

[VivaLeBeaver]

I wouldn't have seen it as a racist incident. I'd just see it as a 5yo kid being wrong about something and asking if it was true. I wouldn't have had a clue when I was 5 if Muslims, Hindus, Jews believed in God or not.

[meditrina]

I would read no more intent behind the little girl's question than into your DS's description of himself as half Jewish.

In other contexts, there might be. But these are very young children discussing religion in the classroom. I bet in other subjects, children that young assert "facts" that are wrong without the same level of worry (try listening in to an early sex ed class - wrong info doesn't mean they are being deliberately exposed to bigotry at home. It means they are young, get muddled etc).

What matters is what the teacher says. They need to correct wrong statements and promote understanding.

If youare concerned about the teacher, then yes raise it with the school. But try not to make assumptions about another year 1 pupil based on one question.

[SilverSixpence]

I am a practising Muslim, we certainly don't pass comment on other religions in our household except maybe to mention differences in our beliefs if relevant. We would not condone anti Semitism at all. If the same happened to our son (one of v few Muslims in his school) It wouldn't occur to me that it was bullying, more of a misunderstanding if anything.

I would not make a big deal of it and maybe suggest to the teacher that you come and do a talk about your religion, eg at Passover time or during another Jewish festival.

[cingolimama]

Following this thread with great interest as had a (more flagrantly racist) anti-Semitic incident at my DD's school. Don't quite understand the offensiveness of "half-Jewish" though. Could others kindly tell me how they might describe a child with mixed religious/cultural heritage? I think stuff like "dual heritage, or multi-heritage" is a bit of a mouthful for a young child, no?

I'm curious as my DH is Jewish, but is an atheist, so he identifies himself as Jewish culturally. Me, I'm a practicing Anglican, but want my DD to know the Jewish side of her family and heritage. We celebrate the major Jewish holidays as well as of course, Christmas and Easter. DD comes to church with me regularly. My DH and DD frequently use the term "half-Jewish" in a light-hearted way. I don't feel this diminishes her or makes her not a whole person.

Thoughts?

[Gizzle]

Dimestore, thanks for your thoughtful response. I don't imagine the little girl intended any harm; just a question of whether or not the original comment was made negatively. I doubt I'll ever know but I expect there will be similar comments/incidents as we journey through the school.
I do think I should step up to the plate and offer to talk about our beliefs, traditions etc. in class - or at least send in a honey cake/matzo/latkes/chicken soup/whatever! It can only help.

[Dimestore]

My dp is Jewish, I am not. We both attend a Liberal synagogue and our daughter is being brought up within the Jewish faith (in Liberal Judaism religious identity can come through the paternal line).

My dd was the only Jewish child is her primary school and I remember a couple of incidents on the lines that you describe. I think that the little girl may have just been repeating something that she heard at home. I wouldn't see it as anti-Semitic per se, as she was probably innocently repeating something overheard. I would, however, keep an eye on how things developed as your child progresses through the school and the other children are old enough to understand the implications of what they are saying.

A child in my dad's class once said that he wasn't prepared to sit next to Christians and Jews (ie my dd and her friend). The teacher addressed this and spoke to the child's parents. Despite this, it was hard to get the school to accept that this was a racist incident. There were a couple of other remarks as she moved further up the school, which also concerned me.

I do think that forging a strong religious/cultural identity is the key to maintaining a child's self-confidence, especially if they are a minority. My dp used to go into school and talk about Hannukah. We always sent my dd in with a honey cake at New Year. We were also very lucky in that our rabbi went into the school when my dd was in Y5 and spoke to my dd's class. None of this prevented the few incidents that did take place, but I always hoped that this provided a positive image in the face of some of the negative discussions that were clearly taking place in some homes.

[DeWe]

I would be concerned that if a racist incident is made over this, the result would be that the children are then afraid to voice questions about each others' religions. Which means that wrong ideas (like this one) are allowed to stand.

Maybe at some point you could ask if you could go in and talk to them about being Jewish? They'd probably find that interesting, and help them understand your ds' religion.

[HarderToKidnap]

You need to make plenty of Jewish friends when you're little, so you can play "Jew do you know?" at the JSoc ball when you get to Uni.

[Gizzle]

Treckinhome - in answer to your question, I do think the little girl's comment was made with some negativity. Of course I can't be absolutely sure, but by the way DS retold it, and also by his teacher's reaction when I raised it with her (she grimaced), I think it was said pejoratively. We do belong to a an informal, progressive Jewish community with a lot of mixed faith families, so he has access to other kids of a very similar cultural identity and background to his own.

[Treckinhome]

Oh and I feel really sad about the comment about being 'half' Jewish. I am from a dual cultural background myself but grew up in a different climate where racism was commonplace and society/people were much less aware about these issues.

Your son is not half this, half the other. He is a full person, not made of halfs and parts that can be separated to fit in.

I really wish for him that he will be able to grow a strong and sense of identity and feel positive and proud of the person he is including his various cultural backgrounds. X

[Treckinhome]

harder x-post

[Treckinhome]

Sorry your ds was made to feel uncomfortable in class.

I think the comment the little girl made is not necessarily an indication that her family are anti-Semitic. I wonder how she made the comment. Do know if she sounded like she was putting your son down in any way or was it a just an 'innocent' comment, something the girl was curious about but attached no (negative) value to iyswim?

"I think that it's a valid concern that there might be kids at school who are exposed to dangerous, racist thinking at home and my question is, what do you do if you believe this to be the case?"

I'm have no experience with anything like this (yet) but would have thought that if children say or do racist things in school their families will be spoken to.

Other than that, it sounds like your son's teacher is brilliant and is doing all the right things.

I feel really sorry for your boy though for feeling 'the odd one out'. Does he go to Sunday school so that he has the opportunity to meet - and make friends with other Jewish children? Being part of that community and engaging with other kids from his own background could be beneficial for his sense of identity and foster a sense of 'pride' in himself?

[Gizzle]

Thanks Bareoff & Rooners - yes, I think it's probably not worth taking any further unless other incidents occur. Thanks again.

[HarderToKidnap]

You don't do anything Gizzle. What can you do? If the topic comes up the teacher needs to handle it exactly as she did, and that's all that can be done. I'm sure the teacher will be hyper aware of the issue now and will nip anything said in class quickly in the bud.

Your other option is to think about schooling him at a Jewish school, and/or building him a strong Jewish identity that he can feel confident in. So regular shul attendance, Sunday school, do the festivals etc, summer camp, so he has a Jewish circle of friends too. Would provide him with a bit of a buffer for the comments he may endure later.

[Boreoff456]

If you do believe this to be the case you need to discuss it with the head teacher. And go from there.

[Gizzle]

Incidentally, an assistant Head and Headteacher of other similar London schools who are colleagues of DH, did say that they would have regarded it as a serious matter, had it occurred within their school.

[Boreoff456]

Sorry

You will only know if this comment is a signal of racism at home if it happens again.

Maybe the teacher should explain to him how impressed she is. Maybe that will make him happier.

[Boreoff456]

Unfortunately you can only

[Boreoff456]

The teacher did say anything about being half Jewish or his none Jewish side.

Religion is complicated. As a pp said it may be that she was told that Jewish people do not believe in Allah. She has interpreted that ina different way than what her brothers may have meant.

The teacher handled it correctly imo. So I wouldn't take it further. The girl has expressed what she thought and was explained to that that wasn't correct. At her age I don't think there is reason to make more of an issue of this.

If the same child kept starling similar statements, then perhaps. But from one incident (which could have been a miscommunication)i would leave it.

[Rooners]

Oh no that is so sad that he said that.

I'm afraid I have nothing useful to contribute really but that kind of made me feel for you all.

[Gizzle]

No the teacher most definitely did not say anything about being half-Jewish, or answering with his Jewish side - he said it himself! And the reason he said that was because he is feeling - or being made to feel - uncomfortable - about being Jewish. He meant that he would answer the question about his religion with his non-Jewish side, therefore being able to deny his Jewishness. He is only 5 so his logic is a little skewed, but it upsets me to think that in 2014, he feels this way at school.

In answer to other posters I agree that the original comment from the little girl was innocuous. However, I'm more concerned about what might - and I stress might - be behind that statement. I think that it's a valid concern that there might be kids at school who are exposed to dangerous, racist thinking at home and my question is, what do you do if you believe this to be the case?