How much hassle did you get for formula feeding? How did you deal with it?

[LaurG]

HI

I am having my first baby and I have made my decision to formula feed. I have very valid reasons for not breastfeeding. I don't feel like I should have to justify my reasons ( so I won't do it on here). All I will say is that I have weighed up the pros and cons and in my particular circumstance bottle feeding is what I want to do and feel comfortable with.

However, I am already getting a lot of grief from people. As I said I have my reasons and I don't feel like I should have to tell people I have just met why I have reached this decision. It is personal and I would never dream of asking a breastfeeding mother why she justified her choice. It actually really angers me. I respect all women regardless of how the feed their baby.

So my question is what is the best way to deal with this? I would kindly ask no judgement - as I said I have my reasons. They are personal and I really don't need to be told in any more detail how selfish I am, how I should at least try, how I am haring my baby etc.

Also where on earth do you get support for formula feeding?

[PinkbicyclesinBerlin]

The only 2 people I got hassle from for FF were myself and one midwife.

Myself I told to catch myself on and the midwife well on my first 2 kids.

I gave up both times on the advice of HCPs as I had literally been torn to shreds (by 2 undiagnosed tongue ties). The midwife at my pre natal visit told me perhaps ‘I might try a little harder this time’ so I told her in an equally patronising tone that maybe her HCP colleagues might try a little harder this time since they seemed to have no solutions to the past feeding problems I’d encountered and told me to give up.

In the end I BF that one for 3 years when I eventually found a HCP who knew what TT was and a doctor to snip one. Amazing what proper support can do.

[BakedBeans47]

Other than one MW who was a bit of a cow I never had any grief. Most people really don’t give a shit how other people feed their babies. I suspect I have a scary face and people would have known better than to open their traps.

[Dergadgeghead]

Practically every baby in the UK is formula fed.

I wouldn't worry about it - there are targets for increasing BF but no actual support so people tend to formula feed.

Someone in the NHS has crunched all the numbers and discovered the NHS could save a bunch of money if everyone breastfed.

Doesn't mean you have to.

[FartnissEverbeans]

I had a doctor in hospital try to convince me but she was pretty nice about it, to be fair. The nurses were slow to bring me bottles of formula - I think they thought I might just get sick of waiting and bf, but I just asked them to bring several bottles at once and stored them in my little fridge. Also they were barking up the wrong tree because DS didn't cry much (until we hit toddlerhood ).

A couple of friends/family who don't have kids made ignorant comments but they didn't know anything about it and never mentioned it again so it didn't bother me.

Generally my family and friends were really supportive, including my mum who breastfed four children.

I wasn't involved in any 'mummy groups' or baby classes though - that's not my thing - so maybe I missed that source of pressure.

[DenPerry]

I agree with under, just do whatever you want and don't care a jot what anyone thinks. None of this stuff matters after a few years. Just stay in your little bubble and do what makes you both happy. Other people aren't living your life.

[MarthasGinYard]

Nobody ever made any comment at all whatsoever.

One midwife was slightly snarky when I went in for my ELCS but I'd made my decision early on. No one challenged me or commented.

TBH I never even thought about what anyone else may think.

[Underparmummy]

Do what you need to have a lovely time in your baby bubble with your baby.

Also please remember that past the age of 12-18 months old no-one asks you about feeding anymore! Utterly irrelevant to the world past this short period where everyone is very weird to new mums about what their do with their boobs.

Bonkers.

[KochabRising]

I used a sling before they were widely used, and was told several times that I was putting my dd’s neck/spine/life at risk.

I’ve been harangued about bloody sling so much it’s ridiculous. You MUST use one! (I can’t.) oh but you can, you just haven’t found the right one yet! (No really, i cant.) but your baby won’t be attached! You MUST wear your baby!

It’s like some sort of evangelical cult :) I get that they’re superb if they work for you but hey didn’t for me and people just don’t let it lie.

Anyway, conclusion I suppose is that people will criticise mums for absolutely anything. Interestingly dh has never been criticised for a single aspect of his (excellent) parenting.

[gussyfinknottle]

Yes, the ill educated people I heard were all midwives and health visitors. Obviously, I should ignore them

[BertrandRussell]

“Oh dear, Bertrand. Obviously we are making it up.hmm”

Well, if you are presenting yourself as a member of an unsupported, persecuted minority, then yes you are! If you’re saying that some ill educated/bonkers people pass remarks, then I can well believe it. That’s what happens when you do anything with a baby. Most of the remarks are actually well meant, but they can catch you on a nerve. I used a sling before they were widely used, and was told several times that I was putting my dd’s neck/spine/life at risk.

[ElfEars]

Posted too soon.. I just smile, nod and do what works for me and my baby.

[ElfEars]

I BF but will say that in every aspect of parenting you will be given 'advice'. Some will criticise for dping things one way, other for doing it another. You honestly can't win.

[gussyfinknottle]

Oh dear, Bertrand. Obviously we are making it up.

[charterblane]

I made the decision to formula feed from birth, and didn't really have any judgement from anyone (apart from the first midwife I saw) in my family there seems to be more of s stigma toward breastfeeding - which will be interesting as I am planning to breastfeed this time

[HeavyLoad]

reading this thread just reminds me how mums are made to feel guilty whatever choices they make.

My auntie (dad's sister) always puts her piece in and she doesn't have children. She's forever sending me articles about children's diets etc. which i always ignore.

My mum turned around to her the other day after she'd made a judgemental comment and said 'well it's very easy to judge when you don't have children'. The look on her face was priceless. Love my mum.

[DearTeddyRobinson]

I have done both. No grief from anyone although I did get some faces when I was expressing, as in, why don't you just FF?! Mind you I didn't share my reasons for my decisions with anyone and no one was rude enough to ask in a judgemental way.
I really only popped on the thread to recommend the ready made formula as it saves tons of hassle

[DenPerry]

Never had any grief, comments, tuts etc to do with any aspect of parenting.. just read about it on here. I am always shocked and disgusted at what some mums have to put up with.. as if parenting wasn't hard enough.

[KochabRising]

and I'm surprised you'd get any flack about it tbh?

Uuurghhh everyone has an opinion on EVERYTHING when you’re a new Mum. I’ve been tutted at for breastfeeding discreetly in a cafe, told I’m neglectful for weaning him off the breast before ‘natural term’, told I MUST use a sling, told that feeding a bit of mushed up carrot at six months will damage him and that I MUST do baby led weaning, etc etc.

Opinions are like arseholes - everyone’s got one 😁 I’ve just been stunned by the fact that anyone gives a flying fuck that I use a pushchair or how i feed my kid. It’s amazing how when you give birth you seem to become public property. I find all these ‘parenting methods’ really suspect - most have a few good bits you can use but to slavishly follow ‘a method’ and then berate others for not doing so is just odd.

Feed whatever way works for you. 👍

[BertrandRussell]

I think it’s very odd that some people who formula feed seem to want to paint themselves as an unsupported, persecuted minority.

[GreyCloudsToday]

Well considering most women bottle feed, you're actually doing the "normal" thing, and I'm surprised you'd get any flack about it tbh?

[Anatidae]

You don’t NEED to justify it to these people. If you start to JADE (justify, apologise, defend or explain) then it puts you on the back foot.
You don’t need to explain or justify your choice to anyone. A shrug, and a ‘works for us’ is enough.

You feed your baby however is best, for you.

[SM2132]

My first baby I got asked this a lot, before and after he was born. I think people like to offer their unwanted pearls of wisdom to first time mums!
Having said that, I have a friend who breast fed till child was over 2 and she had people offering their 'advice' too. Like 'you are making him a mummys boy', 'he will be clingy', 'you need to be able to leave him for a weekend' (erm, why?).
Actually, I think people can be similarly nosy/interfering about the use of dummies.
Do whatever is best for you and what suits you and baby!

[MammyBear27]

I was a bit undecided with my first, bought bottles just in case, but when I came through my emergency c section the MW basically propped him on my boob and I just went with it, didn't work out for me and by time we left hospital I'd decided to FF. Was great for my family, I felt it was right decision and as a side note my husband loved that he could feed the baby (night feeds were his thing, spent watching les mis with baba at 1 in the morning 😂) I had one mummy friend who is a huge BF advocate, on the local board at the hospital to advise on it even. She was a bit pushy and kept telling me how she would support me ECT until I made it clear it was a "I want to" situation not a "I Cant", then she backed off and it was fine. I personally love the tag line FED IS BEST, that way every mum BF or FF is included and no one needs to feel guilty about their own choice. As long as it works for you hun that is the main thing!
*Funniest thing I did get told in relation to FF was by a visiting MW who basically told us we would give him asthma! But she also said this about baby oil tbf so we just laughed it off after she left!

[eeanne]

My general parenting advice is don’t go around telling people what you plan to do. Reasons:

• someone will always have a judgemental opinion
  
• if it ends up going differently someone
  

will remind you of your announced plans and how they fell through