Nursing Strike 12mo

[LalaDipsey]

hi. My DTS hasn't fed since 1st thing yesterday. He is refusing to feed. He is on solids as usual and drinking water but won't feed :(
That now makes last night and tonight 2 nights he had gone to sleep without feeding :(
Help :( my little one isn't ready to stop bf (well I'm not anyway!) I'm sure and I have to get him feeding again.

[Theonlyoneiknow]

I know this is quite an old thread but I am experiencing similar at the moment only DD is just ten months. Her nursing strike has co-incided with me returning to work and a bad cold/teething. Because I was only feeding AM and PM it will be hard to keep my supply up but will try! I only managed to get 1oz this morning and last night when she refused :-(

Burst into tears earlier about it. Mwahhhh

free I liked your comment about it better being this way rather than us deciding when to stop and the tears being theirs rather than ours. I was really hoping to make it to a year BF DD. I will persevere with expressing for a while and see how it goes. She will take a bottle no problem but its much less effort for them I guess than to BF.

[FreelanceMama]

We're on Day 36 now and he hasn't breastfed once since 28th December, but is showing absolutely no signs of being bothered by it. In fact he's sleeping much much better than before, so that's a consolation.

The HV came yesterday and reassured me about the nutrition he's getting based on a food diary I'd kept, and she also explained how the immunity benefits of breastfeeding work at his age (one year). Basically, if he and I are both exposed to the same bugs then he will get an immunity benefit from getting breastmilk because it will have my antibodies in it. As I've got a cough and cold at the moment I'm going to carry on expressing to help him fight it off. She also said that I could take a break from expressing for a few days and start again if I want, but would need to work quite hard to get the supply back up. She was also really great on helping with the emotional side of him not wanting to breastfeed anymore (and far early than I thought he would stop).

One thing she said that really struck me was that I'm the adult in the relationship. She said there tends to be tears on one or other side of the partnership when it ends, and as I'm the adult and can make sense of things more than him, it's probably better this way rather than me having to reject him when he wants to feed (at whatever point I planned to stop) and him not understand what's happening.

Hope that's useful.

[FreelanceMama]

Thanks for the advice and support Lost, it's really hard getting people in my life to understand why I'm so upset.

Lala I hope you're doing ok? I saw the Health Visitor yesterday and by some luck she turned out to be a lactation consultant so she's coming to visit us on Friday to talk about the situation in the privacy of our home (it's a bit hard to talk at the drop-in clinic!). I'll post her advice here, but could you ask your health visitor if there's a lactation consultant that could visit you?

Her initial comments were that I should give myself a break and only try offering when the baby and I are both feeling relaxed. She also said that giving him even a small amount of expressed milk will continue boosting his immune system, but suggested we talk about some of the emotional issues that this is throwing up so we can decide what's best for our family.

[FreelanceMama]

Have you had any luck yet Lala? My little one hasn't let me breastfeed him since the morning of 28th December, so that's 31 days (I think!) and it's been AWFUL. It triggered PND and I'm getting to the point of having to see the GP for meds.

He turned one last week and it's really hard reading that self-weaning is unlikely at his age or that a lot of Mums confuse a nursing strike with self-weaning because I'm desperate for him to carry on breastfeeding because I know it's good for him but it's as though he's never seen a boob before - and sometimes he thinks they are hilarious to play with! I have been expressing since he first refused so at least he has some milk in a cup every day, although that's decreasing. I've tried everything on KellyMom: the bath, skin to skin, offering in different positions and places, combining with offering him EBM, and when he's asleep. Even did a pregnancy test! But every time he pushes me away, or turns his head away. Last night he was too tired to eat his tea so I felt sure he'd dreamfeed, but no, he just got cross that there was this boob in his face!

He went from two or three times a day, plus once or twice in the night if he woke, to nothing. Obviously I don't know how much he was having at a feed, but they were quite short feeds compared to how long it takes me to express. He eats solids well but would always be keen to have his first feed in the morning and last at night. Nothing out of the usual happened at his last feed. Just when the bedtime one rolled around he wasn't in the least bit interested and the tough thing was trying to get him to go to sleep when I've always nursed him to sleep. That night he latched on once for a second or two, then pulled off, looked at me and started crying and squirming to not be held still.

Within the space of a couple of weeks he seems to have become a toddler - he's standing, crawling, babbling, knows what he wants and goes after it. adorable - but not a baby anymore. I wonder whether he was using breastfeeding for comfort sometimes and now doesn't need it.

I'm seeing the Health Visitor again today, but last month she said it was possible he'd decided he didn't want to feed anymore (we've been doing BLW with the solids so part of me thinks I ought to go with what he wants) but if it made me feel better, to carry on expressing for a month in case he changes his mind.

[DW123]

Lala - well done for sticking with it. All the information and evidence suggests he will surprise you and nurse soon. I'm not sure if its still there but there was a case study on the LLL site of a 41(ish) day strike.

Sorry you don't have more support. I also meant friends/family/acquaintances who support bfing rather than coming out with tosh like 'its a battle of wills' (still stunned your GP said that'.

If it doesn't work out for whatever reason you know you have done an amazing job already - and can carry on with hundreds of other things.

[LalaDipsey]

Not much RL support in that noone is around to watch other dc whilst I bath with DTS.
I have tried offering different rooms, sides and times. He now has a cold so is especially grumpy (he always has man flu of course!) I just wish he would feed and feel better.
No more biting, no more taking nipple into mouth at all
I am going to keep expressing and offering - I am blessed that DTD is still feeding so even if I miss a pumping session my supply will keep on and hope and pray one day he will surprise me and latch on.

[DW123]

Lala - the biting might be a good sign - DT1 did it before latching on during either one or both of his strikes. I think he was working out how his new teeth affected his latch (that's what I tell myself anyway).

Am so sorry this is going on so long. Do you have enough RL support? Well done on everything you've done so far. Is he eating much despite being sick? Good news on the EBM.

[LalaDipsey]

Honsandrebels it is horrid I'm glad you got past the first one, I just can't believe my little man is finished with me

[Honsandrevels]

It's horrible isn't it? :(

My dd2 had two strikes and the final one at 13 months was the end of bf for us. I kept expressing for 2 weeks but she never latched on again.

Hope you have a better result.

[LalaDipsey]

Day 12 :(
On Saturday he bit my nipple then crawled off.... Nothing yday - he wouldn't even bite me!

[LalaDipsey]

Well, it took 7 weeks, 2 TT snips, an SNS and a 8 hour round trip for one of the TT snips to get his twin to feed a year ago, with friends and family thinking I was bonkers and should just let her be! I may be mad, but I'm not giving up yet!! I can't, he keeps waking and having 1-3hr screaming sessions - arching his back, kicking etc. I seem to make it worse and I think it's because he wants to feed but won't/can't/doesn't want to at the same time. I know if he would feed I could help him, he has started being sick and refluxy again but after food so I wonder if that's related? Oh why can't he tell me what's wrong?!

[LalaDipsey]

It's day 10 today and still no success. He will have about 20ml
ebm 2-3x a day but that's about it. Yesterday he did put his mouth to my nipple but then grinned and crawled off. Progress though I suppose??!

[nannyl]

sorry to read that

my DD refused at 54 weeks, and never fed again

i was not ready to stop either, and it broke my heart but she was ready so i had no choice

[DW123]

Lala - one of my friends said I should use the nursing strike as a way to wean. I was already upset... Its not helpful or supportive to get comments like that especially when what you are doing is so good for your babies. Is there a La Leche group near you? You don't have to go regularly but they can give you information and make you feel less bonkers.

As Welovecouscous said your instincts (backed up by the right info) is right here. Just keep gently and calmly offering and you will get through it.

You are still within the 'normal' range of duration for a strike although I'm sure it doesn't feel that way to you. LOTS of hugs and best wishes. Let us know how it goes.

[LalaDipsey]

No sign of teeth but he won't let me put my finger in his mouth to check! He's also refusing ebm
DTD seems to be pulling off and looking at my boob strangely too - I haven't changed my diet or toiletries.
He is turning away and pushing away when I try to feed him in my sleep.
My mum says even at 12 months he can choose to stop feeding if he wants, the gp just thought I was 'having a battle of wills' with him , and I think the osteopath and my friends think I'm bonkers for a) still feeding and b) caring he's stopped and c) trying to get him to feed again!

[DW123]

Lala - first one was six days, the second about four but these are short compared to some of the case studies on Kellymom and LLL. And you don't have to worry about your supply which should help. It is such a horrible thing but you are doing the right things. I found it got a bit easier when I expected him to refuse - I just smiled and said OK no problem which took some of the stress out of it (for both of us).

Let us know how the next few days go - that stubborness will be a great life skill later on... Any sign of new teeth yet?

[LalaDipsey]

Thanks. He refused again last night - turning his head away and pushing me away with his hands. This morning he is also refusing ebm in a cup?! What is going on with my little guzzler?
dw how long did yours last?

[DW123]

Lala - I'm so sorry. Nursing strike is horrible. I can only repeat what has been covered by others

My DT1 has had 2 nursing strikes. We got over both of them by lying down on our bed before he went to sleep with my top off. He took the nipple in his mouth after a few nightss and fed the next so you are getting progress. I was a lot calmer during the second strike and didn't push the offers during the day, and the strike was shorter. Both strikes were triggered by my reaction to him biting which in turn was triggered by teething.

I used the advice on Kellymom and La Leche League sites - both were helpful (especially the range of time it can take to get over it).

As I was feeding twins I didn't worry about supply but I hand expressed a cup of milk at night and gave it to him in the morning as I was irrationally worried about his drop in immunity. It also helped me feel I was doing something...

Let us know how its going - I know its hard but try to stay calm around him in feeding situations - and Good Luck.