Please help. I think i have ruined my chances of BFing my daughter :(

[rocketleaf]

Its a bit of a long story but basically I couldn't get my daughter to latch on after initially suckling after birth so thr MWs at the hospital had me extress colostrum to feed her with syringe. After that she was really sleepy and we couldnt get her to latch on. I had about 6 different people tell me different ways and things (for instance one said my nips are flat and use guards, another poo pooed that) but no one actually got her to suckle. In a weak moment i asked them to give her some formula by cup just so i could get some sleep as hadnt slept in about 4 days. In the end before they would discharge us they made us agree to do this complicated feed/give expressed/top up with formula routine every 3 hours, which stupidly we followed for about 3 feeds on wed night. I was really unhappy about this as i didnt want to bottle feed her let alone with formula ut they had really knocked my confidence and implied she would starve otherwise although i was still able to express colostrum.
When I saw my community MW yesterday morning she said it was bollocks and then SUre start came and they gave the same advice re positioning etc that i already l knew but doesnt seem to work with my DD and told me just to go with skin to skin and feed and combo express. All the stuff I thought I knew before going into hospital anyway.
Yesterday I decided it would be breast only, she started sucking and my milk came through so i thought we had turned a corner but then she became really rough, chomping on my nipples and really hurting and getting really distressed, coming off and on or stopping feeding. I have read loads of stuff on the internet and tried relatching and relatching again and again but still cant seem to get it right. Like she was really hungry and wanting to suck my not getting enough if any. I was still able to express some milk yesterday but we had to feed her all of that just toget her to sleep. It got to the point when she screamed everytime i took her near the breast. Last night we tried a bath together and that really helped her to calm down with me although i didnt really get her to feed agian. But it also woke her up so we had togove her all the xpressed milk and she still wouldnt sleep.

I have just got up because my breast were engorged again and my husband had brought her to bed after staying up with her to let me sleep. I have only managed to expressa 20 ml and its all ground to a halt. Breasts still engorged and nipples are wrecked. I dont know what I am gong to do when she wakes up wanting to be fed.

I never kidded myself that it would be easy but now am really worried that i have screwed up my milk supply, turned her into a ravenous beast with those few formula feeds and no idea what i am going to do when she wakes next.

I also dont think the pump i have is very good (avent) as it makes my nips bleed but maybe this is normal?

I know damn well that me being up at 4.30 stressing about this is not going to help but I can't help it. :( I really dont want to resort to formula but also am worried as she is only 5 days old that she will loose weight or be really stressed and over hungry. Sorry this is a bit incoherent too. Please help.

[rocketleaf]

Thanks Tamdin. Not much to report really. We've hit a plateau. Still a bit sore and some feeds worse than others. Still getting a flattened side on my nipple. I hope as she grows this will stop but I think it's possible the Tongue tie might have partially healed back over. Ann said it could happen.

But as weigh in today was 9lb 1 oz and she's gaining steadily in line with birth weight I'm not too worried.

[Tamdin]

Still following your progress rocket. So glad it's getting better for you :) and as it has been said before the bigger they get the easier it gets. I'm still learning too 6 months on!
Made a classic mistake last night. Ds2 is teething and I put teething gel on his gums then tried to feed him a few minutes later. Have since read in Kellymom this is a no no! He couldn't latch properly due to the numbing effect and got quite distressed :(
Ds1 never had much trouble with teething so this was a new cock up for me
you live and learn!

[rocketleaf]

interesting idea, that's definitely worth a try. Thanks sc

Spoke too soon. She wouldn't go off on her own but nothing a finger in the gob for 10 mins didn't cure :-)

[sc2987]

You could prop the breast up on something (folded nursing pad?) to make it higher when you're lying down.

[rocketleaf]

Thanks cossie not really worried about over feeding her as have heard you can't really with BFing but more about taking her off too soon so that's good to know. Yes definitely get fluttery sucks then she'll do a couple of deep ones. Once it gets to flutter/suck/suck I've been take her off as I felt she's not really feeding. She generally let's me know if she's still hungry after I've winded her so back on she goes.

We seem to have fallen into a bit of a routine now, with couple of 4 hr gaps at night 2.5 or 3 hrs the rest of the time with a couple of hours off on off on off during the bed time routine in the evening and a 'dream' feed t 10-11 depending on how tired I am. Last night she self settled and have just put her down so we'll see if we can make it another night (fingers crossed!). It makes such a difference not dreading feeding her as I don't feel I need a massive gap to recover between feeds now so am much happier feeding on demand etc. :)

I hope things keep improving but I do feel we've turned a corner just in the last few days. Fingers crossed no more set backs!

[Cosmosis]

You can't really overfeed a bf baby so don't worry on that score. Do you notice little fluttery sucks after she's been feeding a while? that tends to be the end of a feed, so if she stays on after that you could try taking her off then. I do knwo what you mean about staying on though, DS would have spend 24/7 latched on at one point if I'd let him.

Re feeding lying down, it didn't work for me untilhe was much bigger and able to help himself - I think it depends on the size of your boobs etc.

I definitely found getting the latch right harder at night, so you're not alone there.

[rocketleaf]

Quick update, after a wobble a few days ago things seem to be improving again. My 'safe' boob went really sore a few days ago so that was really horrible but I fed through it and it seems to have gone back to normal although the nipple has scabbed :S Day time feeds are generally no trouble now, bit sore but doable, night time ones are still more difficult but i have figured out that if i sit on the edge of the bed with my feet resting on the under bed storage draws then it replicates the posture on the sofa and the latch is pretty good. Not very relaxing but I am going to try and figure out how to shuffle back to lean and get comfy.

I've tried feeding lying down but dont seem to be able to get the latch right, my nipple is too low down (right next to the bed) I can get her on but its sore which i guess means it's not right. Will keep trying every now and then and hopefully it'll come.

I am not exactly limiting feeds but as she never comes off on her own I have to judge when she is just comfort sucking. I'm trying to make sure she gets a good 10-15 mins each side at least. Harder at night when I just want to lie down but I guess if I want her to sleep longer I need to feed her up!

[MadameBoo]

Hi Rocket - Smallboo used to do that at every feed for a while - it's common - you can't overfeed when breastfeeding I don't think - Cosmo will know more I'm sure.

[crikeybadger]

Great to hear that you're still hanging in there rocketleaf and so good that things are getting better each time.

I think it's harder to get the posture right in bed as it's less supported than sitting bolt upright on a chair (unless you mean lying down of course).

I think you've got it right about not limiting feeds for now.

[rocketleaf]

Thanks fishsticks hope alls well with you!

Things are getting better, still have some painful feeds and seems a bit random. Definitely need to get my posture sorted in bed as they are worse than the sofa where we have had some really good almost painless ones. In fact think she is over feeding as for the first time we have had some vomiting, think she just doesn't know when to stop/comfort sucks. Not sure if I should just let this happen or try and limit her to feeding for a certain length of time (probably not!) See how it goes I guess.

[fishandlilacs]

Hey rocket, Boo mentioned you'd been having a hard time of it and told me about this thread-I have come into it late so only skim read. Just want to add my support my lovely, sounds like things are getting better and you have had some good advice so not a lot else to add other than to say i'm thinking of you xxx

[MadameBoo]

Newborns are fucking hard work. And I bet only 0.5% of the ten squillion parents on this site would disagree.

[Cosmosis]

wow! happy 1 month to you all

[rocketleaf]

muthafunky lots of that advice has been given already and was followed but thanks anyway. I have only just started trying feeding lying down. We did try it in the first week but that was before the TT snip and not too successful at the tine. Much better now.

Have just reread my first post and can't believe that was 4 weeks ago! Bit about how freaked out I was really although it was a completely crazy time. Such a change in 4 weeks and such a lot of support and good advice.

Happy 1 month birthday BabyLeaf :-)

[MuthaFunky]

Hope I haven't copied anything else others have already covered but in addition to getting support from the numbers above, maybe you could try hand expressing off a little bit before you feed to remove the engorgement and then lay down and feed until you guys have the latch thing nailed.

Feeding like that side by side is much easier and it also is really helpful when you need to catch up on some sleep!

Lots of love and luck in your BF journey together sweetie, don't give up - you know it's even possible to relactate when supplies have dwindled in some cases, so relax and try having some booby-cuddles and skin to skin in bed and see what happens (maybe even after a bath..?).

L xx

[rocketleaf]

Actually the MW that discharged me said she did exactly that cossie as her boy had trouble on the rhs and she found it very painful. It was nice to hear that someone who should know all the theory still struggled although havent tried it that way myself yet.

Not doing too badly today although had a bit of a crappy night mainly because I think I was cutting the feeds short so she kept waking up. I might try topping up with the bottle again in the night just to see if she sleeps a bit longer again. I also managed some lying down this avo as was feeling pretty tired. Its not comfy enough yet for me to sleep but at least we could both just drift off afterwards. I think I'll try again in the night.

[Cosmosis]

Prefering one is really really common. I used to put Artie in the rugby hold on the rhs so he would be conned into thinking it was the left one. Even now he much prefers the left and I am a little lopsided as a result!

Good advice re getting let down going ? I use videos on my phone now I?m at work.

[LadyGoneGaga]

You have done soo, so well, Rocket . And she's doing amazingly too.

MiniG used to prefer the left boob. He would feed ok from the other but it seemed comfier for both of us to use the left so one prob got used slightly more than the other .

Freezer bags are the way forwards. Although I also had to chuck loads out when MiniG started refusing bottles. And I found mornings best time to express (after his first feed) when I was fuller. Also I had to be able to see him, smell something of his or look at a picture of him to get the let down going.

[rocketleaf]

Mieta, I really hope so! If I can help someone half us much as you guys have helped me then I'll be happy. Funny as the MW said something very similar not long ago.

Macca, I think it was the fact that I wasnt feeding her from it so the duct wernt draining as well, now I have been getting her on that side as well, the breast tissue is much better although the nipple is still sore and it hurts more to feed her that side. I think its to do with not being very symmetrical and also being right handed. She just must latch better on the left. Anyway sure it'll get better with time.

I ended up breast feeding all through the night last night and having to throw the breast milk away (it went a bit pongy as had been left out all night) so I am definitely going to get some freezer bags. :o

[Tamdin]

:)

[MadameBoo]

:o :o :o :o :o :o

[macaroonmum]

Brilliant news Rocky

I think what the others said about not expressing all the time if she's feeding well enough from the boob. Best to express in the morning though, when your supply is better and keep that for the evening/night feeds (and you won't be as sore).
I'm not sure why the right breast would be giving you more problems but I know that some babies feed better from one breast and sometimes even refuse the other one even if starving - could be a physical problem like fewer functioning ducts on that side or something (I'm sure I read something about that on Kellymom!).
Go babyleaf!

[Meita]

Yay!
In a few months down the line you'll probably be back here, doling out advice to new mums going through a tough patch :)

Keep up the good work, and take care!

[crikeybadger]

Hey 8lb, hurray!

Must be so nice to have been discharged from mw care- another milestone reached.

[Medee]

Fantastic Rocket!