This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.
This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.
Black Mumsnetters
Parenting teens while black
turnitonagain · 22/09/2020 06:28
My DCs are still little but I’ve seen a few threads on MN where people say if you don’t allow your teen from 16 or so to go out drinking and spend the night with their partners, that you’re controlling.
I don’t know ANYONE in my community whose parents allowed that. Is it because I’m old now (30s 
) or is this a cultural divide?
JayDot500 · 22/09/2020 10:50
I stayed with my grandma most times, and my cousins were my friends (by design, I'm sure lol). I did once stay at my best friends house in primary (she was greek) but the family was well known to mine, and I think I arranged that via my mum, who wasn't so bothered
If I'm honest, I really have issues letting my son go to a house I am not familiar with. DH and I would start twitching and looking for excuses if he asked to stay.
JayDot500 · 22/09/2020 10:54
Oh and staying at girlfriends house or going out to drink at 16, forget it! When they are 18+ and feeling independent enough to go uni or whatever, then it'd be their life to live.
I wouldn't mind concerts with friends, but tbh I don't want to encourage drinking as a way to entertain themselves
Dastardlythefriendlymutt · 22/09/2020 19:20
I wasn't allowed to go out drinking or sleep at a boyfriend's until I started university. Tbh I don't know any black teens whose parents' allowed them to do those things at 16. Maybe I'm old (30) and it's different now.
As a parent, I'm uncomfortable with 16 year olds having that kind of freedom. I snuck out a couple of times and hated it. It felt so much better when I was in uni and I had more fun and made more responsible choices than I would have at 16.
I'm not completely inflexible, but I prefer my parents' approach.
Happyalwayswinning · 22/09/2020 20:42
@turnitonagain
I don’t know ANYONE in my community whose parents allowed that. Is it because I’m old now (30s
) or is this a cultural divide?Same here, am in my 30s too and my eldest is 15yrs. Under no circumstances could even think to ask for such permission.
He does go to nandos, cinemas etc..with his friends and back home before its dark.
SandyY2K · 24/09/2020 22:41
It's a difference in culture.
I also read threads like that and there's no chance it would be acceptable among my circle of friends and family who are mostly black.
It's just not the done thing.
turnitonagain · 25/09/2020 00:06
Ok great to know I’m not totally insane! Will need to make sure DCs have a community of friends from a similar background when they’re teens.
I was allowed sleepovers at select friends homes who my parents knew. The idea of asking my parents for permission to spend the night with a boyfriend at 16 would never have crossed my mind, they’d have laughed me out of the room.
Dastardlythefriendlymutt · 25/09/2020 00:09
The idea of asking my parents for permission to spend the night with a boyfriend at 16 would never have crossed my mind, they’d have laughed me out of the room.
This!!!!
I just can't even fathom how I would have asked at 16. They would have honestly thought I was hilarious and typical Dastardly, always joking.
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