If you have lost someone, are you more sensitive to others grief and health?

[BereaverBeaver]

My mother died and since then I've found myself hugely sensitised to others even those I don't really know.

Writing a letter of condolence to anyone, even for an acquaintance, can reduce me to tears.

I've been very upset about the news about Kate Middleton's cancer, not because I'm a royalist or even a fan on an objective level she's nothing to me, but thinking of her children and what is to come for her and her family (what she has described sounds very similar to my own mother's experience who died within a year despite an initial positive prognosis)

This sort of thing is what I mean - it's like I'm hypersensitive to bereavement and grief of others, even potential grief, particularly around parent/child death but not exclusively - I get very emotionally moved in a way I never did before.

Is this just a normal feature of empathy - once you've experienced it yourself, it is easier and more accessible to empathise with others - or is it part of the grief reaction that will wear off over time?

Anyone had anything similar?

[MumChp]

Normal. It will get better over time.

[MolkosTeenageAngst]

How long ago did you lose your mother? It sounds like other people’s grief is triggering your own, I don’t think it’s necessarilly you’re more empathetic to it, more that hearing about other people triggers the emotions related to your own loss and that a lot of the sadness you are feeling in response to other peoples news is actually sadness for yourself, not for them. As you process your own grief I’d have thought those feelings will become less extreme.

[anicecuppateaa]

I’m not sure tbh. I definitely feel sad for anyone who suffers the death of a child because that is relatable and triggering for me. Other bereavements I think I feel the same about as before dd died.

[BereaverBeaver]

@MolkosTeenageAngst

How long ago did you lose your mother? It sounds like other people’s grief is triggering your own, I don’t think it’s necessarilly you’re more empathetic to it, more that hearing about other people triggers the emotions related to your own loss and that a lot of the sadness you are feeling in response to other peoples news is actually sadness for yourself, not for them. As you process your own grief I’d have thought those feelings will become less extreme.

this makes a lot of sense. that the reason the upset is so intense is my own grief not empathy for others.

thanks for this @MolkosTeenageAngst . as this perspective has helped me understand what is happening better I think.

[Paninaro94]

Oh yes. My mum died last year and since then I have been very sensitive to others’ grief. I cried my way through the recent BBC Pilgrimage series and just feel absolutely devastated for the poor people affected by the Legacy Funerals scandal in Hull.

Of course this is mostly my grief for my mum coming up but there is definitely more empathy from me for bereaved people than there was before. It’s kind of like a kinship that those who have not been bereaved don’t even give a second thought to. I know I never did before my mum left us.

[Pigeonqueen]

I think I’ve become the opposite actually. It’s made me very matter of fact about things - life / death etc. I think having lost all my close family relations (Mum, Dad, Granparents etc) before the age of 35 and having chronic disabilities myself I’ve become rather cold about it all. Obviously I love my own dc and feel deeply about them but couldn’t give much of a 🤷‍♀️ about others grief etc. Sounds awful I know but maybe I’m just burnt out.

[ViciousCurrentBun]

@anicecuppateaa My DD die and I am very sensitised if I hear someone has had a child die. If honest though I just feel sorry regarding other losses and no more sensitive, so similar to you really.

[MaryFuckingFerguson]

No. I think it’s made me less prone to sentimentality. And I found some other people’s assumptions about how I was feeling really irritating.