Losing a parent and coping with my elderly dog

[CurlyPoodles]

My father died 3 months ago. He was in his 90s, had a very good life but really struggled with the restrictions of very old age and died, very suddenly, before he lost his dignity. He was so loved by all his children, grandchildren and had great grandchildren he was so proud of. Every time we visited, we knew it may be the last time we saw him. I feel really fortunate to have had in my life for such a long time.

I have a very elderly dog. I've had him since a puppy and he's nearly 17 now. His old age compared to my father's are so similar. My life, for the past 2 years, has been basically making sure he comes to no harm. He's blind, demented, losing his muscle tone, but happy, eats, drinks, sleeps, walks slowly. I can't leave him alone anymore so am permanently on dog duty to make sure he's safe. I know, once he's gone, I will get a bit of 'freedom' back. We've had so much fun when he was younger, memories of which I will always treasure.

I cannot stop weeping. I cry every day, in private. I'm getting more distressed every day, this past week. I know my dog will die, sooner rather than later, but I am finding it really difficult to cope with the grief of this expectation after the expectation of my father's demise for so long.

Just a self absorbed post, really. Hoping others may understand.

[Hoppinggreen]

I am very sorry for the loss of your Dad .A family member lost her H very suddenly and quite young and coped amazingly well. She lost her dog a few years later and completely collapsed both physically and mentally.
She did slowly recover but it seemed that the dog had given her focus (although she did have dc) but once she lost her dog she just couldnt keep going.
Its so sad to lose a beloved pet OP but please dont keep him going so long its cruel due to the circumstances.

[CurlyPoodles]

I appreciate your response, Hoppinggreen: thank you. I'm sorry for your family member. My dog is in no distress, just old. I would never let him get to the point it would be cruel to keep him going.

[Hoppinggreen]

Of course, I have been guility of keeping a pet going for too long because I couldnt say goodbye and its something I feel quite strongly about now but you seem to be in tune with your dog.
Best wishes to you and your family (including your beloved dog)

[pommepom]

I sympathise with you OP, having lost my parents; my Dad similarly, followed by my dog. I felt the deterioration and the loss just as heavily- parent and dog. Which must seem odd to many. The responsibility, the sense of lifespan.

[littleroundcircles]

I think this is called anticipatory grief and it can be quite common.

As for your weeping, I think it's honestly the most normal thing in the world. It sounds as though your dad had a wonderful life and even though he lived to a good age, that doesn't mean you don't miss him and all that he meant to you. If you feel like crying, just cry. It's good for you and it's your body's way of coping with the double sadness in your life.

After my mum died I went through a similar thing - I just inexplicably couldn't stop crying. Thanks to wise counsel from a friend I gave into it and I cried and cried...until one morning I felt a wee bit better.

I am sorry for your loss. Losing your mum or dad is so very difficult.