My sister died by suicide just before Christmas. We weren't even particularly close (or at least, our relationship wasn't what people expect from sisters!), she was much younger than me so we had never even lived together. She had been extremely mentally ill for many years and basically life with her was chaotic and extremely difficult for everyone close to her.
But. I'm fucking broken. I still cry about it multiple times a day. It doesn't help that I almost feel like a fraud for having this much grief when we had such a fractured and difficult relationship. I have only a couple of people who understand enough to talk to about it, most people just don't "get" the complexity of the situation and aren't really able to offer me much support. But I don't want to put too much upon those people and wear out their sympathy or give them more to deal with on top of their own feelings and lives.
I don't even know what I'm hoping for by posting about it. I just want to know when I'll feel less...raw about it all. Less guilty. Less broken.
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Bereavement
When will I stop crying Every. Single. Day?
19 replies
Menthol8 · 12/03/2024 15:39
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