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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

My Dad

35 replies

suedonim · 22/02/2007 10:18

My dad was born 100 years ago today. He died in 1998 at the ripe old age of 91 but I still miss him.

Although I didn't know my grandmother, as she died when dad was 10, my mind keeps turning to the thought that 100 years ago today she would have been in labour. And that dad was born in South Africa and I am currently living in Africa, a place I never imagined I would go to. I think it'll going to be a day to keep the tissues handy! I'm not expecting anyone to reply, just wanted to put something down in writing to commemorate the occasion.

OP posts:

Report

suedonim · 25/02/2007 16:43

Thank you, Kitty and Kate.

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mommie2angels · 24/02/2007 14:59

Both of my parents are still alive- although I havent seen my dad since I was one- so I dont know exactly what you are feeling. But I lost my Great-Nana in 2001 and that really upset me and everytime her birthday (a few days after christmas) and death anniversary comes around I get very upset because I wish she was still here. She was 89 when she died and I miss her dearly. I've also lost a few friends who were around the same age as me and feel the same. I think I've gone kind of off-topic here and I starting to ramble so Im going to stop here and just say that I hope your Dad is happy where he is, and Im sending you alot of ((((cyber hugs))))

Kate xx

kittylette · 24/02/2007 13:55

((((((((((((thinking of you))))))))))))

Lizzer · 24/02/2007 13:54

Sorry that first bit was to Shosha and P666 too!

Lizzer · 24/02/2007 13:52

wow suedonim, that sounds like such an amazing fam history! It would be really unimpressive to have a boring load of 'normal' people who never put a foot wrong. But then I guess there's no 'normal' where humans are concerned. There's nowt so queer as folk as they say...

I'll ask my dp where the heritage test was bought, it was online but I've just googled it and couldn't find a uk based website...?

suedonim · 24/02/2007 12:24

No problem, Pavlov.

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Pavlovthecat · 23/02/2007 23:23

Sue - I am glad you found people's thoughts helpful, sorry I did not say much positive stuff...

suedonim · 23/02/2007 14:20

I'm so glad I started this thread as it's ended up being so positive and made yesterday much better for me. We were out for a meal last night and I made a toast to my dad, even though dh and I were the only ones who'd known him.

Lol at all the naughty ancestors! My dad's dad was in a lunatic asylum at the time of the 1901 census - not sure how he came to be in South Africa by 1907! I haven't found out much more on that side beyond my G-grandparents marriage cert but when I've more time I will carry on.

On dad's mum's side, I've traced back to 1688, when a French Huguenot refugee emigrated to SA. He was 4ft 8" tall, a blacksmith, and had 16 children! Another ancestor was a baker in SA (Originally from Norfolk) and got prosecuted for selling underweight bread. He also seems to have left his family to fend for themselves when he died but made provision for his horse!!

One thing I was told by an expert in tracing family history is that most family stories passed down the years usually have some basis in fact, so don't dismiss old Aunty Gertie's improbable ramblings!!

Shosha, 100 pages - that's a lot of history. Dh's family has a varied history, with an ancestor winning a VC at the Indian Mutiny, most of the family being born/raised in India, then fil coming to the UK to join the RAF, fighting in WW2, posted out to Africa with his family and so on. Oh, and let's not forget dh's Aunt Lily, who ran a wartime tea shop where she allegedly 'entertained the troops'. Luckily bro-in-law is doing that research so I can just enjoy the results.

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Paddlechick666 · 23/02/2007 10:15

shosha, what our straighlaced forebears got up to huh!

i do think the geneaology thing is fascinating but far to scatty to do it myself.

bro actually started researching my father's side but there's more to be found on my mother's. glad he's doing it tho....

shosha · 22/02/2007 17:01

Message withdrawn

Paddlechick666 · 22/02/2007 16:58

no she was my Mum's mother.

my bro is doing all sorts of family history stuff and we just found out that my nana's father was in Wandsworth jail for 7 years in the late 1800s for theft and assault of a police officer!

he was a house painter and decorator so we think he cased the joints then went back to rob them later

my bro and i thought it quite amusing, think my mother was quite shocked tho LOL.

for my Nana, she was able to meet dd twice before she died and they really did have an affinity. my dd is the only girl thru the female line and there's unlikely to be another so the relationship was already rather special.

my father's mother died when I was about 9 years old. His father died when he was only 5 days old so we know very little on that side of the family.

shosha · 22/02/2007 16:58

Message withdrawn

suedonim · 22/02/2007 16:53

101 is a grand age to reach. Was she your father's mother? An old lady we were very fond of died at 93, about three years ago. I often forget she's dead, she was so a part of life.

That test sounds fascinating, Lizzer! I've never heard of it before.

Will be back to this later, if there are any more posts.

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Paddlechick666 · 22/02/2007 16:31

would just like to add to the condolences.

losing a parent is so hard, at any age i think.

my nana died last august aged 101 and i still find it hard to think she's gone. we also try to remember that she wasn't always so old! it's nice to remember how she was when I was around 10 years old.

My dad died in 1984 aged 48 when I was 17. It is the hardest thing and I don't think I will ever really come to terms with it. They say it gets better with time but I think you just learn to hide the grief away better with time.

He never saw any of his grandkids and whilst my step-dad is a great grandpa I still intend to tell my dd (15 months) about her other grandfather.

We went to visit his grave when we buried Nana which was lovely actually. We're several hundred miles from that area now - no family left up there anymore either.

Anyways, I always think of him on his birthday so empathise with the OP.

Lizzer · 22/02/2007 16:21

That's excellent Suedonim! Family history is always fascinating, it gives you a greater sense of self for sure. On a similar note, and a little bit strange timing, my dp's dad was given a present from his partner at xmas, it was a DNA test that you send off some cells to a lab to have tested and they tell you where in the world you originate from (I'm not sure of the details sorry) and he sent it off a week before his death.

The test is due back through the post any day now so his 2 sons will know something of their heritage....

suedonim · 22/02/2007 16:08

Pavlov, Lizzer. (sad) A scrap book idea is lovely. My mum horrified me recently when she said she was going to throw away some old photos - eek!!!!! She's v unsentimental, throws everything away.

Because my dad lost his father at 4yo then his mother at 10yo, and was raised by a paternal aunt we knew virtually nothing of his family. Thanks to the powers of the internet I've been able to research a lot of his background and it's been fascinating (to me, boring for everyone else, lol!). I know he also had two siblings and I'd like to find out where they and his mother are buried, just to pay my respects. His father died at sea so I assume was also buried there.

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Lizzer · 22/02/2007 15:54

Pavlov, its strange being the supporting one, its usually him supporting me. But it does bring out strengths in relationships that you didn't know were there, or rather you forgot were there cos everyday life gets in the way...

Big hugs for you Pavlov...

Pavlovthecat · 22/02/2007 15:50

Lizzer - esp to you. My DP has been a gem. He lost his dad 2 years ago, he knew my mum well and I know he feels it too, and carrying me also.

Pavlovthecat · 22/02/2007 15:49

4 week anniversary of my mum being taken by cancer...hugs to all who feel the sadness every day...

Lizzer · 22/02/2007 15:44

Just want to add my condolences to everyone on this thread who've lost a dear relation. Its a subject close to my heart right now as dp's father died 3 weeks ago.Again very sudden, and only 60. Its been so strange since then, and the thought that my children with dp (not yet conceived) will never have a paternal grandfather is a hard one to get our head's round, he made such a lovely step-grandad to my dd.... thinking of you all today. and sending masive hugs...
Keep the memories alive, my dp and his bro are going to compile a scrap book of cards, writings, emails, photos and bits and pieces that remind them of him to show the future grandchildren. I think that's a nice idea...

suedonim · 22/02/2007 15:27

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kitty17 · 22/02/2007 14:24

Memories are all we have but im sure like others out there, we would prefer to have our parents still with us...... AT least we are not along and we can talk here on MN..you htink you are alone at first but once you tsart talking there are a good few out there all in the same boat with the same hurting feeling....Keep the memories alive and smile everytime you think about them

suedonim · 22/02/2007 14:10

I've been amazed at how many people on MN have lost parents at a relatively young age, tbh. We hear so much about how long everyone lives nowadays so it was very sad to learn of all these losses.

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kitty17 · 22/02/2007 13:51

I lost my Dad 18yrs ago this Decemeber, I was only 19 and it broke my heart he was only 53. It was very sudden (Heart Attack)and it took me along time to come to terms with it. Unfortunatly I also lost my Mum 4 years ago come October, We only had a week with her after she was Diagnosed with Cancer, up till then she was ok, she was being treated for Urine infection???, some infection.
I still have my good day's and bad, but I know that they are watching over me and my Son(11mnths old) and guiding me through my bad days.... I love my parents still as if they are here and still speak to them when i need a good answer to a problem... My son will be told about them and how much love they gave me and my sister..... Why does God take the good ones early!!!!!

shosha · 22/02/2007 13:45

Message withdrawn

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