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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Anyone else missing their father this Father's Day...

54 replies

commonorgarden · 13/06/2014 12:21

I am. He died 24 years ago when I was a child and I still miss him horribly. He was a good man and a lovely dad. He never met my boys or my husband but I talk about him to them so they know the kind of man he was.

I'm ok but just a bit sadder than usual.

Love you dad, wherever you are.

to everyone else in this boat.

X

OP posts:

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MeDearNoDear · 21/06/2015 21:34

Yes, double whammy for me, it would have been dad's birthday today too. Lost him suddenly 4 and a half years ago, and think of him every day. Hope you all are coping with your losses.

mumslife · 21/06/2015 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dimples76 · 21/06/2015 21:26

I have found today very tough. My dad died six weeks ago so everything is still pretty raw. It's also my first Father's Day as a Mum. As I am a single adopter my boy does not have a Dad to send a card to so I had thought we would be doing things for Granddad instead...

I just feel so sad and just want to stamp my feet and shout it's not fair.

SouthWestmom · 21/06/2015 21:16

26 years ago this year - I was 16.
My good, decent grandfather stepped in and did weddings, grandchildren and love. Then he died a year ago.
So so hard not to have those very few undemanding relationships - a man who loves you unconditionally and without a need for anything in return.

FieldRose · 16/06/2014 07:42

Visiting hours in heaven would be so very lovely.

Thanks OP for the thread, and hope the pain starts to ease soon for everyone.

Crazy8 · 15/06/2014 23:30

Thank you OP for starting this thread. I don't feel as lonely now. I am so sorry for all your losses.

Crazy8 · 15/06/2014 23:27

ohidoneedtogetagrip Your "visiting hours in heaven" have made me smile. How amazing would that be. I would be happy with any amount of time if only I could see him one more time. I can't believe how hard I have found today. I'd love to hear my dad's voice one more time. To have him tell me off or even just feel my hand in his.

I can still remember his hands. They were quite rough from all the outdoor work he had done in his youth but became smoother on retirement.

ohldoneedtogetagrip · 15/06/2014 22:58

My darling DF died in 2000 and yes l am missing him today but then l miss him every day. I miss his kindness, and his wisdom. he was my best friend and the only man in my life who has never judged me or let me down.

If only there were visiting hours in heaven

meerschweinchen · 15/06/2014 22:01

I wish people could acknowledge how hard it is too. I've just had a conversation with my Mum ( of all people) in which she managed to ask me "Did you have a nice Father's Day for Dh?" I can't believe she asked that to be honest. With 2 young children, I obviously wanted to mark the day for him - well, I suppose this year I didn't really, but felt I had to - but today was never going to be easy in any way this year. It's only 2 months since Dad died, so I know she's not thinking straight, and is so caught up in her own grief. I just wish someone could acknowledge mine.

I know I'm being irrational. Today is no worse than any other day really. Every day's hard at the moment, so I don't know why I'm getting so upset.

FieldRose · 15/06/2014 21:57

Dead people seem to disappear somehow don't they? No one likes to talk about them.

I've got some of his shower gel upstairs. I think I might go and have a good sniff before I go to bed.

Crazy8 · 15/06/2014 21:43

FieldRose I also had a conversation with my dad. I think some people who haven't experienced a bereavement find talking to us very hard. It's such a shame. I have tried explaining to my DH that I am already upset. He hasn't and can't upset me more than I am. Nothing will make my grief worse.

FieldRose · 15/06/2014 21:15

I wish my DH would say more too but he's like yours and scared. But I think today has knocked me for six regardless.

I don't remember last yr being this hard but maybe I'm more vulnerable because we moved hundreds of miles last autumn and we're still finding our feet.

I had a pretend telephone call with dad earlier. I could nearly hear his voice...

Crazy8 · 15/06/2014 21:05

I lost my dad 4 years ago. Today has been awful. Worse than last years Father's Day. I think it hasn't helped that my DH went to visit his dad this morning. It brought home how much I miss my dad. I wouldn't have minded not seeing my dad today I just wish I could see him one more time. Just to hug him and tell him how much I love him would mean more than any card or gift I could buy him.

I wish my DH would have just acknowledged that today would be hard. I know he cares but he's too scared to say anything just incase it upsets me. I'm upset anyway. Nothing could make it worse.

FiveExclamations · 15/06/2014 20:07

Yes, very much, he died over 30 years ago when I was 12. My DD will be 12 this year and it stinks that she will never meet her Grandfathers (my DH's dad died when he was 16), they were both awesome.

FieldRose · 15/06/2014 19:36

They leave such a massive hole don't they? Some days nothing else will fill it.

Not been a good day. DH was out for 5.5 hours playing bloody golf. Am fuming. DS and I did go out for a lovely walk this afternoon but the rest of the day has been a real struggle.

LittlePink · 15/06/2014 19:27

My dad died 11 weeks ago. The weeks are just flying by and I cant believe its been 11 weeks since I was talking to him and holding his hand. We planted a magnolia tree in his memory shortly after he died and it should flower on or around his anniversary every year in April. I put some flowers next to it today and told him, as I do every day, how much we miss him and how we wish he was still with us.

Fukeit · 15/06/2014 17:56

Hope everyone's ok.

I was doing a good job of ignoring until I moved my mums car for her (used to be dads) and it still smelt of him and his glasses were still in it. Vast amounts of chocolate brownie is helping.

Wadingthroughsoup · 15/06/2014 17:47

Fieldrose :( I hope you've been ok this afternoon.

I went to the sailing club where my dad was a member for about 30 years. I wasn't necessarily expecting an emotional onslaught, but I cried as soon as we got there. I felt very close and connected to him, which was lovely, but also unbearably painful.

Hope everyone else has got through the day as gently as possible.

FieldRose · 15/06/2014 13:04

My dad died two years ago. I would have called him today and tomorrow (it's my birthday) and he wouldn't have remembered either until I told him. I stupidly agreed with MIL that DH could play golf with his dad today, not realising they were then going to play 18 holes... Now he's left, it's hit me like a ton of bricks. Fuck, I miss him.

throckenholt · 15/06/2014 11:29

My dad died when I was 18 - 29 years ago. Sad that I have lived far longer without him than with him, and outlived him by a long way.

I regret I never had an adult relationship with him, and that my kids never met him. He would have been a lovely grandad.

My mum also died a couple of years ago - mother's and father's day always seem a bit odd to me.

It does get better with time - but you never forget.

OberonTheHopeful · 15/06/2014 11:24

Best wishes to everyone, I'm so sorry for your losses .

I lost my dad four years ago and miss him every day, though days like this are especially hard.

LollipopViolet · 15/06/2014 09:41

I've put a nice status on my Facebook, and changed my profile picture (which needed doing, anyway) to one of me and my granddad :) Several friends who no longer have their dad with them have posted similar statuses, so I know I'm not totally on my own.

happycamper80 · 14/06/2014 23:39

O yes. Step away from facebook.

happycamper80 · 14/06/2014 23:38

Me too. Dad died 25 years ago when I was a teenager. Mum died in 2011 which was a double whammy. So sad that my dc won't know their grandad or granny in dd3 case.
My dc sadly only have one grandparents although the older two remember my mum fondly.
Sympathies to all.

Fukeit · 14/06/2014 22:48

wading I can't imagine, truly horrific circumstances for your family to face.

Thinking of you all.

I've decided not to go to my mums tomorrow as I don't want to visit and him not be there so I'll ask her to come here for something to eat instead,

Brace yourselves for the onslaught of happy Father's Day facebook status overload despite the fact most of their fathers are actually on Facebook

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