3 years on still feel the same

[Deborah51]

Our daughter passed away 3 yrs ago age 13, everyone says it gets easier, I think you just learn to live with feeling like crap, I can't believe how much time has passed since ive seen her, doesn't feel any easier to me!!

[SingingSands]

Hi, have just come across your thread and wanted to say that your love for Chloe shines out from your posts. It sounds as though Chloe lived a life filled with love, love and more love. What a gift to give, and receive. Thinking of you X

[Deborah51]

2old2beamum, that strangely makes sense, I will really try and keep that in my mind, I suppose it's still early days albeit 4 years, thank you for taking the time and trouble.

[Deborah51]

Cathpip, what a lovely idea, Thankyou, that's given me something to think about.

[2old2beamum]

Have just found this Deborah51. Our beautiful boy died @ 13 and so many people said "Time heals". He has been dead 10years now and it still hurts so much.

I have decided that the pain never goes BUT the pain I have is all that I have and the day the pain has gone I have forgotten him.I know this will never happen so I now embrace it.

My love is sent to you and memories are good, your dream is telling you that you loved

[cathpip]

Wishing you kind thoughts on what is an unbearable day for you and your family. We lost our three year old daughter in April and have also just moved house, I have purposefully decorated the entrance hall in Pippas bedroom colour, put her mirror up and recovered a small chair in her curtain fabric. In fact I think there is something of Pippa in every room. It now feels to me that Pippa is part of this house as she is there as soon as you walk through the door, could this be an option for you?

[Tiptops]

Deborah please be kind to yourself, the anniversary is bound to be a huge milestone which you'd never want be to faced with. From what you have written, Chloe sounded like a wonderful daughter, I'm so sorry she isn't with you anymore. Life can be so cruel. Thinking of you and yours

[Deborah51]

Chloe's 4th anniversary tomorrow, miss her so much, dread the day coming, maybe I build it up too much.

[PuddingandPie1]

Dealing with the death of your own child "isn't the way it is supposed to be" and that makes everything so much more difficult. Moving house can sometimes be seen as therapeutic (leaving the sad memories behind) but sometimes, just as you describe, not being able to picture the much loved deceased child in the new house can cause great pain.

[Deborah51]

Need to get Chloe's headstone sorted, I try and picture in my head what I want then it's like a block, I just can't do it, how can I move forward with this

[Deborah51]

Thankyou. Children were having their sports day in our local park today, I had just put up two medals in Chloe's bedroom that she had won in her sports day in her lovely pink wheelchair, I remember the hugest smile when I kissed her little face all over, I can't believe still that I can't have those times again, so many things trigger the 'down days'. Clever girl Chloe for winning your medals xxxx

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

It's her memories and the love for her that you have inside of you that continue to live on, even after you've moved house.

Your posts about Chloe are incredibly heart wrenching. A parents love is just so unique and powerful that there's little that will end it. She'll always be in your heart and mind.

[Deborah51]

Settled into the new house, have my memories of Chloe but I'm really missing the old house, I can't picture her here or feel her and there's nothing I can do about it.

[Deborah51]

Thankyou for you kind words, it's so comforting to be able to talk about her here albeit in the middle of the night, I don't want to unload on the family all the time so Thankyou for reading my posts.

[Heebiejeebie]

I don't know what to say, but it's so clear from what you've written that her life was full of love. And that means a rich and important life, however short. I am so sorry that Chloe is not with you now.

[LiberalLibertine]

Oh love, what a difficult thing to do.

Sending you love and strength

[Deborah51]

Moving house in 2 weeks, packing up Chloe's bedroom today, the stillness of her things hit hard today, her school bag in particular all ready and waiting, prob sounds strange but can't describe it any other way.

[Deborah51]

Keep having the same dream that I'm trying to feed Chloe but she's a baby in the dream, I've had it for five nights now, is there a message in this??

[Poshsausage]

That's shocking Deborah51 x

Some people :-(

[Deborah51]

Went up to Chloe today, put her Easter things down for her then realised some of her little ornaments have been stolen, I think it's more the thought of a stranger standing over her just helping themselves that has really upset us, it's obvious it's a child's grave, I don't even know what to say, reported it but they said unfortunately these things happen!

[Poshsausage]

She sounds so sweet . Love to you mummy xx

[LIttleMissTickles]

Reading your words in tears Deb, it's wonderful to hear about Chloe, your love for her comes through in every sentence. My heart goes out to you.

[Deborah51]

Going up to Chloe tomorrow, have a little basket of Easter eggs that my youngest has painted, Easter bunnies and chicks, it's her Easter too, it's so sad our little angels not with us, Happy Easter Chloe xxxx

[Lilybensmum1]

Hope you are feeling ok today, can't imagine what you have been and are going through.

From your stories it sounded like Chole really gave you so much joy and you have such wonderful memories, it's clear you gave her a fantastic life I'm sure she would be proud to call you her mum.

Hope you are being kind to yourself, wish I could think of something more helpful to say, just wanted to acknowledge your daughter Chole and say I have enjoyed reading your memories of her. (thanks)

[MexicanSpringtime]

I can't imagine your pain, but nobody knows how long we are on this earth and it sounds like your daughter's short life was in the right hands to make it as sweet as possible.

[Deborah51]

Thankyou for your kind words, I'm not too bad at the moment, Chloe's birthday has always been bittersweet, from going wrong in the last 20 mins of labour but also having a beautiful little girl, she was obviously meant to be in this world, just so sad it was for such a short time, we learned a lot from her with her smiling face and kind gentle nature, she touched all that met her, the church was standing room only, the worst thing I've ever had to do.