Mum's terminal illness is ruining all of our lives.

[toptramp]

I have posted about this before on here but my mum has terminal throat cancer. Very nasty, slow, visula death. I just feel like my whole life is on hold and that I cannot have any fun. We can't go out, go on holiday, I had to cancel Glastonbury and all I am waiting for is mum's death which lets face it is utterly horrendously shite. I want to have soem fun but I just feel that I can't until she passes. I just thought she'd die at a ripe old age of 90 or something.It's one horrible limbo and I want to get drunk and forget it all but I can't as I have a 3 year old dd.
I don't want mum to die at all but dying slowly of cancer is shite shite shite.

[Thornton77]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My thorghts are with you and your family.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Oh Toptramp, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think everyone has a crisis when they feel like this when they are nursing someone who is going to die. Don't feel bad about saying these things, you did everything right and your mum is out of pain now.

[HumphreyCobbler]

I am so sorry.

[Knackeredmother]

I'm so sorry for your loss

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Oh no Toptramp. What a shock! Death can come unexpectedly suddenly, even when you have been sort of expecting it. Don't feel bad about starting this thread. My sympathies to you.

[Northernlurker]

Sorry for your loss

[Kandinsky]

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum top.

[usualsuspect]

sorry top

[northender]

So sorry but glad her suffering is over. RIP.

[Ormirian]

So sorry top

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Toptramp, I so sorry darling to hear your mum has passed away!!! Dont feel silly for posting your original post, when my lovely mum was dying I felt exactly the same!!!

Hugs, take care and lots of love.

[zeno]

Hi Toptramp.

Sorry to see your update above.

Don't feel like a bellend. I could have written most of what you posted, but I don't because I'm too chicken about getting a pasting for seeming selfish.

We have had a long succession of traumatic events, and were desparately hoping to return to something more normal this year. - instead, everything is on hold as we wait for the end.

We all do what we have to do to get through, but you don't have to like it, and you shouldn't have to hide the frustrations.

[Pancakeflipper]

Sorry Toptramp on the update of your mum.

And don't feel any guilt at all regarding your post last night. Perhaps your mum picked up on the vibe you all didn't want endless suffering and was able to leave you all contently knowing you'd get on with things.

Take care TTramp and take things easy. But am glad your mum's dreadful pain is over.

[greencolorpack]

Sorry to read about your mum passing away.

[heathcliffthe2nd]

So sorry about your Mum Toptramp. Console yourself with your memories of fun and laughter. And know that she is out of pain at last.
Thinking of you. x

[LilRedWG]

Toptramp - I've only just seen thsi thread and came on to tell you that you are not at all selfish - it is natural to feel that way. Anyone who thinks otherwise is deluded.

I'm so sorry that you have lost your Mum but I am happy that your last memories are of smile and laughter - that is a wonderful thing. Take care of yourself and remember that you cannot always be the strong one. x

[throckenholt]

toptramp - I can understand your relief - I would welcome a phone call like that at present.

Don't be mean to yourself - it is a horrible thing to cope with and you do what can when it happens. You did the best you could at the time - accept that. Grieve for your mum and remember the good times.

As for saying goodbye - there is no way of knowing when will be the last time - you can't make it a big issue.

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

toptramp, I am so sorry, be kind to yourself x

[MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism]

Toptrump, thinking of you.

I lost my grandfather to throat cancer when I was 15. We were very close and I've never really got over it.

I'm glad that your last moments with her were ones of laughter and that in time you feel able to enjoy life again.
xx

[greencolorpack]

I would tell your dad that you can be the strong one and still have a good cry. Don't hide emotions from your dd. If you exclude her from the emotions you are feeling it won't shelter her, it would just make her more likely to suffer extravagant grief the next time someone dies. Because she wasn't permitted to grieve this time. Crotch hook, obvious troll is obvious.

[GreenTeapot]

Oh toptramp, I'm so sorry to hear this :(. I am glad that your mum's death was peaceful. I'll be thinking of you.

[thelittlestkiwi]

So sorry toptramp.

Don't feel guilty. You obviously adored your mum and it's lovely to hear about your family joking with her yesterday. Sometimes all you can do is bring a wee smile and pass another moment.

Be good to yourself.

[toptramp]

Dad just phoned and told me that mum died peacefully in her sleep last night at 5am. I ma sa sad but relieved the suffering is over. I feel like a proper bell end for starting this thread. I am sad that I didn't say goodbye properly but I'm glad that the last memories we have as a family are of dad riding mums zimmer frrame for a laugh last night and sister and I laughing and joking that mum ought to get a walking stick to hit him with! I just wish I'd stayed with her longer and gave her more hugs but yesterday she was different; weaker and less with it. RIP mum.

[Northernlurker]

I don't think you sound awful. I don't think anybody does except possibly Crochetyhook and tbh I would ignore her as she seems to have had some sort of empathy bypass atm.

The way normality is stolen from you is horrible isn't it? I look back to this time last year and I can't believe we didn't know what was coming. The ground shifts beneath you, everything is changed and you can do nothing and you are screaming inside 'HOW did this happen'. It's very, very hard.