My 5 year old killed her hamster :(

[pinkypie]

Am devastated. Feel so awful.

My DD has epilepsy but no other diagnosed problems, she is very argumentative and quick tempered, has trouble concentrating but apparently is happy and cooperative at school and is very bright.

My older DD has a pet and she kept nagging me for one so we bought her a hamster. Tonight she had the cage in her room and I kept checking on her, she was just watching it in the cage, she was so happy to have her own pet. I told her a million times she was not to open the cage ever without me being there. Anyway she came downstairs with hamster in hand looking sad and said she thought it needed to go to the vets... poor thing had no visable injuries and was still warm but soon cooled down and was obviously dead.
My older DD burst into tears, me and DH started shouting asking her what she'd done, she was crying it was carnage... she was hysterical... I was just so angry that I'd trusted her and she'd got it out of the cage.

We calmed down and I asked her what happened, she said it wouldn't go to bed and she was trying to make it go to bed... I couldn't get much out of her, I think she most likely dropped it maybe into the cage from high up. It was a tiny dwarf hamster so very delicate.

Previous to this incident, a few months ago we were round a friends house who had puppies and she was playing with them, she was cuddling one nicely then all of a sudden threw/dropped it onto the floor. She didn't seem to understand why we were upset with her but she was pleased the dog was ok.

We have had dogs round and we have larger animals that she is maybe a bit rough with but wouldn't hurt them on purpose... i.e. carrying the dog around like a doll although the dog seemed quite happy...

I have gone to lengths to explain to her that animals are real creatures with feelings etc... and that they are very delicate and we need to take care of them. I personally would literally not hurt a fly, we are a family of animal lovers so please don't all jump on me, I honestly couldn't be more upset... In hindsight I know I shouldnt have bought her the hamster but she was so loving about it and happy I really thought I could trust her.

She has never had any problems hitting other children aside from her siblings occasionally, she plays with her soft toys lovingly and she is very loving with me and her family and friends.

Should I be worried? I am really worried about this, you hear all sorts about hurting animals being the start of violent behaviour etc...

Any advice would be great... we buried the hamster in the garden and I made her watch and told her that once something is dead it will never come back and how would you feel etc... trouble is, I get the impression that she is only ever half listening to me.. her behaviour and defiance is pretty atrocious at times to be honest and I have started questioning whether she may have ADD or some other behavioural issue. I know the epilepsy can cause behavioural issues though so it may be that either... she is on epilim for that and very rarely has episodes.

Her brother and sister are lovely well behaved children and we are a loving 'normal' family and I can't think of any external issues which may be causing her behaviour.

Sorry so long, needed to talk.... I think I may make an appt with my GP tomorrow for her.

[sybilfaulty]

And don't beat yourself up either .

[MollieO]

Ds is 5.1 very gentle with animals and understands about death (two of our cats have died of old age since he was 3). I wouldn't dream of letting him have a pet unsupervised. We are getting kittens later in the year and ds will help to care for them but will not be responsible for them. Maybe when he is 7 or 8 but not at 5.

You already knew that your dd had dropped a puppy so not sure why you would have let her look after such a delicate animal like a hamster. Also allowing your dd to carry a dog around like a 'doll'. Animals are not dolls and shouldn't be treated as such.

[Tommy]

a friend's Mum tells the tale of when my friend and her sister were squabbling over their new kitten and the killed it between them

They have both grown up into being perfectly well rounded and reasonable people

There are a few lessons for everyone to learn from your experience OP!

[pofacedandproud]

i do understand 5 years old is very young to understand how to care for a pet [I had my first one at 5] but it would take quite a high drop to kill a hamster outright. I'm not remotely suggesting your dd is showing dangerous behaviour, but I do think it is right to have emphasized to her the seriousness of her actions. And hamsters are noisy at night, so it would have probably kept her awake. Children are curious and do test their capacity for cruelty with animals, I remember slapping my lovely dog when I was about 6 to see his reaction. But caring for an animal is a very good way of developing empathy and a protective instinct, and I hope with guidance and supervision your dd can learn to look after an animal when she's older.

[JGU0204]

Accidents happen. I think this is a very sad unfortunate one, but an accident none the less.

[Schulte]

Sorry to hear about the hamster. I had my first pet (a mouse) when I was 6 and then several mice and hamsters after that. I didn't treat them very well I am afraid to say... I was just curious, experimenting with them and treated them like toys really. I like to think I have still grown up into a caring woman so don't worry too much!

[mathanxiety]

I wouldn't say she meant any harm, but maybe she has impulse control issues? Hence the squeezing and holding of the puppies and carrying the dog around -- which you should not have allowed. Dogs are nice pets, man's best friend and all that, but they have teeth and their natural instinct is to use them when their doggy senses tell them to, not necessarily when people want them to or expect them to. Even a dog you know will reach a certain point sometimes. She should be told never touch a puppy or kitten without permission and supervision. If you are aware of kittens or puppies in any place you visit, stay with her at all times and don't let her near them on her own or if the mother dog or cat is there too. Dogs and cats will often attack anyone who approaches their babies. This is for your daughter's sake, not just for the sake of the animals. She's just five, maybe no more pets until she's a lot older? You for your part will have to be very vigilant and anticipate situations a bit better.

[motherbeyond]

don't be too hard on yourself,just an accident.i think the 'funeral' was ok too.i'd probably have a little ceromony for my 3 year old dd as a kind of closure.

..if it's any consolation,youv'e actually helped me.we were thinking about getting her a rabbit at xmas..but after reading your op and following posts,have decided to wait several years! so thanks for that,you may have lost a hamster,but you could have potentially saved a rabbit!

[GrimmaTheNome]

In addition to previous comments, it strikes me that this was an accident, your DD did try to be responsible by bringing the hamster down straight away and suggesting the vet - its not like she tried to hide it and claim it had just died by itself.

So if the subject arises again and your DD is sad, there is something good she tried to do too.

Accidents happen... I only ever had cats growing up, and the first time I handled a puppy (when a full-grown student) I didn't realise that whereas cats can jump down from great heights unharmed and always land on their feet, you have to place a pup on the floor not drop it a couple of feet. No harm done, it just landed very awkwardly, but if an intelligent adult can make a mistake like that through unfamiliarity, I know we can't make any assumptions about kids with a new animal.

[davidson12]

I might be a little late, but to me, this is pretty concerning. First off, you said you think she may have dropped it, but in my experience with almost all types of hamsters it would take a very very very large fall to kill it. Because of how small they are and their anatomy, they are pretty resistant to falls, so most likely it would have needed to be thrown against a wall pretty hard. The reason I even say hard is that once I was babysitting a child and he threw his hamster against the wall at full speed. It was very disturbing, and I thought it was dead. It had its legs up and wasn't moving at all, but within a few minutes, it was walking again. I have a hard time believing you could kill a hamster without trying to do so on purpose. Besides that, I won't get too much into the psychology right now, but killing an animal at that age is not something you don't understand. I see she was upset, but what is the root of her being upset. Is it because she killed the animal, or is she just afraid of the consequences of doing so? If it is the consequences and she doesn't have any remorse for what she did, it might be a sign of some serious psychological issues.

[fartingrainbows]

@davidson12 this thread is ten years old, the child concerned will be a teenager now.

[redcess]

I wonder how you found such an old post davidson12. Did you decide to search for psychopathic hamster killers to while away the evening?

[AmaryllisNightAndDay]

Your DD is only five. What happened is sad but normal. It also sounds as if because she is argumentative and clever you went against your better judgment and let her have the hamster in her room when you weren't planning to do that. Don't be fooled, stick to your guns, she is only five and no matter how determined or articulate she is and how many clever arguments she can come up with to get her own way, she still can't be trusted to to think things through properly yet. (I come from a whole family of people like this )

[AmaryllisNightAndDay]

Oh - no zombie thread warning. Never mind.

[Notodontidae]

Whatever made you think she should have a Hamster in her bedroom, the child seems normal at 5YO, I have my doubts about the parents. Get another one, and keep it as a family pet, in the lounge. Children of that age, have only just managed to control going to the toilet, they will stomp on an ant, squash a beetle, they are children learning all the time from their parents, their bedroom should be safe for the children, only have things in it that cannot easily be destroyed.