feel like walking away right now. Please give me a reason to stay.

[colnelcustard]

I have three dc's age 5, 3, and 1. Right now I could quite happily walk away from them. I've had it with the screaming and the bickering and the sleepless nights night in night out.

This morning they have basically spent all morning tearing each other to pieces. Surely this can't be fucking normal. Surely there has to be something I can do to make them just stop and shut up for a change.

They never listen to I say. I have tried everything being strict, reward charts, fucking everything.

Excuse my language. But I've had it. I give, give, give and I feel like I get nothing back.

There is no one who will help me. I've asked the doctor for sedatives for the baby as she is up on the hour every hour all night. But they won't help me. I've asked the Health Visitor if she feels my dd has behavioural problems she won't help me.

Perhaps they are all best off with out me. I can't go on like this. I get no happiness from my children. I can't wait till they go to bed at night so I can get away from them.

Give me a reason to want to stay. Right now all I can see is sheer misery until they decide they've had enough of me and leave home.

[barnsleybelle]

I always used a sleeping bag with mine and it worked a treat.

At the end of the day your up all night with her anyway, so even if she gets upset for a few nights with the sleeping bag surely long term it will be better.

just a thought but maybe they are getting bathed and ready for bed, but then up and playing for a while til dp feeds for bed.

My bathing and feeding and bed only takes 30mins max. They then know when the taps go on its winddown for bed VERY soon.

I know dp will probably be exhausted and might not fancy doing the whole lot, but maybe he could try it for a few nights ( a week at least). If the longterm outcome is better sleeping through then it's got to be worth it..

Really hope you get things sorted as you sound exhausted..

[colnelcustard]

yes i have, it made her very upset. but now she is a bit older, might try again.

[Wade]

tried a sleeping bag?

[colnelcustard]

I have made an appt with the doctor for next week. is a nice doctor so am prepared to wait for her. will do a bit of crying.

what is a weighted blanket. dd always kicks the covers off and a lot of the time wakes up and just needs to have her covers put back over her.

[colnelcustard]

I make sure that they are all bathed and fed by 4.45pm so all he has to do is give the baby her bottle and settle her down for bed.

Unfortunately, I am not able to stay with my mother as this would inconvenience her and her new husband and get in the way of her social life.

I don't feel that it would be fair to leave dp on a weekly basis alone with the children. I hope he would feel the same way!

[PlynetteB]

Hi again. Does your partner have a routine for putting them to bed. My husband used to put my daughter to bed and when i had the day off work I listened to him with her and he used to excite her instead of getting her sleepy which meant that she would not get to sleep straight away. also his feeding technique meant that she would gulp down her bottle and this gave her wind. Maybe this could be what is stopping the baby sleeping.
I hope you are OK now and don't feel so on your own.
OOPs sorry just read the last reply. uhm DITTO!! {

[barnsleybelle]

What about when dp is off work the next day? Could you maybe go to work and then when you finish go and stay at your mums or a friends house overnight? That way you wouldn't be disturbed at all. You could even make it a weekly thing.

Don't mean to sound anal, but does dp have an organised bedtime routine? I've always found that the same routine every night for bed works a treat in getting them started off for the night.

[scouserabroad]

Maybe try to let your baby have several short naps, so she doesn't get too tired, but doesn't get a proper sleep during the day? Then give her something filling for tea, like porridge or pasta or something so she won't be hungry again until morning, and a warm bath then bed. 10 month old DD2 hasn't slept through yet, but she does quite well with this routine, sleeps without waking until about 5 a.m instead of waking every couple of hours which she does usually!

[colnelcustard]

unfortunately, i do need to work for money reasons.

Because of the astronomical cost of childcare I work 5-8 in the evenings so dp does the bedtime routine with the children.

my ex-h is the father of my oldest child only. i am becoming more and more tempted to just let him take him for a week to give me a break from the two of them fighting.

[PlynetteB]

Hi. I have looked at the West Sussex Leisure Centre sites and they have a holiday play scheme for the 5 year olds that you could use, daily if you can afford or want to. My local leisure centre also offers a Ladies Leisure time twice a week where we can put under 5s in a creche while we do a workout. Maybe yours will offer the same things. I suffered from PND with my daughter and found this service great as I had some time to myself and I could shower with no children being there to nag me. It seems to me that you may have PND and your doctor could help with this.
I also had no babysitting facilities in the family and that increased my pressure/stress levels and so i found local community classes that have creches that i could safely leave my daughter with. Maybe this could be a way to have 2-3 hours by yourself and learn a new skill!! Plus most classes and creches are FREE!!!The classes should start in September. I would also suggest that your partner takes over at least once a week for the evening round with the baby. My daughter was a good sleeper so i don't know what this feels like but I highly recemmend blackout blinds and curtains and a warm bath before bed. i also swear by a routine. i know that when you are exhausted routine goes out of the window as you avoid doing things that might cause more problems but it is good to stick to early bedtimes etc.
On a peronal note... Do you really need to work? And i don't mean for just for money but do you enjoy it aswell. Because if you don't enjoy it or really need the money then ditch it as you do enough work as it is. i didn't enjoy my job as it gave me more stress then it gave me in money so i left and i found that helped as i could concentrate on other things. You mentioned an Ex and i just wondered if he is a good father to the kids and if so use him as a babysitter- paying for the kids in kind. hope some of this has been helpful. Take care and make sure you relax. If the kids fight let them for a while they will tire themselves out eventually

[BeckyBendyLegs]

I haven't got much in the way of advice to offer just a big hug and to let you know that my thoughts are with you. It is hard and I know you feel at the end of your tether. Things will get better, I know it's hard to imagine that they will and be positive but they will. Your children are probably sensing some of your anxiety and that is making them play up even more and the baby more tetchy.

I agree that the sleep thing needs to be sorted out first and I'm shocked that your HV and GP aren't more understanding. I think someone other than you needs to get up to the baby for a few nights until she gets over it (if she does). It might be you that she wants and that is making her wake up all the time. I don't know.

I actually disagree that you should stop the baby napping. My two always, always slept better at night if they had good naps in the day but perhaps they are unusual. If they had a bad day sleepwise they'd be fretful at night, taking ages to drop off and more likely to wake up crying.

All I can really offer you though is a hug. Sorry its not much help!

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

okay first of all parks are great. they can make as much mess as they want. large enclosed fields are even better buy yourslef a magazine sit on the grass and let them run themselves ragged. unless they are fighting badly enough to cause seriuos injury to themselves ignore them.

the baby needs sleep too so i would advise to stop her napping in the day, i know you will have one day of hell so do it when dp is off so that he can help. everytime she goes to fall alseep pick her up and start playing with her. she should sleep longer if you keep her awake all day. but towrds the end of the day she will get whingy through tiredness so let your dp take over.

your sisters dcs arent perfect she just isnt telling you what they are really like. we took oour dds away for the night with dh's family who dont often see them and were telling us how good they were, i didnt disagree it makes a change from "seashells how do you cope?" "seashells dd2 is climbing up the fire again and dd1 is trying to cut the dogs hair".......they are monsters its just that dh's family didnt see that. so dont worry you are not doing anything wrong.

[oranges]

agree that your dp will just have to do the night shift sometimes. if you crashed the car, he'd have to do it all the time. you cannot function endlessly on no sleep.

[colnelcustard]

yep i've tried that as well. she sleeps in a room with my ds who miraculously sleeps through it all (although he's probably worn out from all the fighting in the day)

[stealthsquiggle]

Have you tried leaving a radio on in LO's room? I know it sounds strange but for ages DS couldn't sleep in a silent room - Radio 2 on v. quietly seemed to help him sleep through.

You need to be not at breaking point already to be able to cope with controlled crying, IMHO.

[colnelcustard]

I did controlled crying for three weeks. in the end she cried for so long it was actually time to get up!

even when dp gets up in the night i still wake up. I don't want to force it too much with him as his job is v. stressful and now is not a good time for him to lose his job in the current climate.

I know things will get better but its just so tough at the moment.

[snowleopard]

OK hold your holiday in your mind as something to look forward to, and meanwhile I'd try the GP again. Bpok a double appointment for you and the baby - to check you're OK and talk about your feelings; and to ask if the baby could have a problem that's making her wake up so much. See if you can get a different GP from last time, ideally a woman. Burst into tears, if you feel like it (I've done it with far less reason than you have!). You are not a bad parent, you're just having a very, very tough time and it's right to ask them for help.

[stealthsquiggle]

You NEED sleep.

Your DP will just have to cope with a sleepness night or two, TBH - as others have said, can he take some holiday to let you sleep if that is what it takes?

With a couple of nights sleep under your belt you might then be able to take on the GP/HV and get some help with your LO - if she has never slept through there must be some sort of root cause, and they should be helping you find it and deal with it.

[colnelcustard]

she was a reflux baby but that is better now. I don't think she is ill just in the habit of getting up and CC did not work. I would happily take her swimming its just finding someone to have the other two!

I have tried most things which is why i am at the begging for sedatives stage.

i will go back to the health visitor and the doctor and see what they say.

[cornsilk]

What happened when you tried controlled crying?

[Wade]

she's woken hourly since she was born - fucking hell. Is she otherwise healthy/good weight? In addition to Doodle's list, have you tried leaving a low light on, sleeping her in the travel cot, is there a possibility that she is eating too much and has indigestion?! Asda are giving out vouchers for free activities during the summer holidays. www.asda-sportingchance.co.uk/free-session-search.php Ever taken her swimming? Maybe she'd sleep after that.

[Doodle2U]

Well 5, 3 and 1 year olds are not known for their diplomatic skills but they do get better at rubbing along.

Never mind your sister's kids...they proabably eat their own poo or summat but she'll never tell you that!

I do think your Mum and DP need to step up to the plate here though but they won't until you tell them, in no uncertain terms, just how bad this is.

The solution will have to come from you CM because it's obvious that no one else has noticed how worn down you are. Get your mother when she's back from the park and plead with her!

[colnelcustard]

He is v. supportive but its just very difficult he has a very stressful job and i have made it clear that when we go on our hols in a couple of weeks that it is my holiday too and i really want us to take turns with dealing with the kids. he seems to be up for that so hopefully will get a bit of a break then.