4.5year old behaviour at school

[HMum19]

My 4.5 year old is struggling with his behaviour at school, the teacher has spoke to me on a few occasions since he has started about his listening/doing as he's told, also doesn't seem that phased when he is told off (he is like this at home a lot of the time). On top of this, he is quite boisterous and can be quite physical, the teacher said today he kicked someone in the face whilst a group of them were playing chase, I am mortified to say the least.
I just don't know where to go from here, obviously I am constantly reminding him right from wrong, I give him consequences at home for any bad behaviour, I am especially concerned about his lacking of listening or doing as he's told and the "not being bothered" when he's being told off. I'm constantly reminding him about authority.
I just don't know where to go from here, I'm now considering asking school about a behaviour counsellor or something along those lines? I just don't know how to nip this in the bud.

He is still very little so I don't think you need to worry about it at all. Just keep telling him and he'll get it.

Don't be mortified with hitting/kicking it is just the way some kids communicate of you see the context you'll understand what I mean. I'm sure he didn't intentionally decide to go and kick another kid in the face.

We've all been there and they do all grow up. Honestly relax about it.

not saying that you are but if he’s being told off a lot, or told that what he’s doing is wrong then he will likely be unphased because he hears it a lot.
I have a boisterous 4 year old too and I’ve found going over the top with praise when he does a positive behaviour eg. Stroking the cat nicely - omg that’s so lovely, you are so gentle wow well done etc etc. really helps. Also when having physical play with him if he hurts me I don’t tell him off but make it really clear that it hurt and express my emotions so he understands the limit and not that he is bad.

Oh please don't go overboard with asking for a counsellor. My 4.5 year old DS is the same but you have to be consistent with not having treats and follow through on that otherwise they will think they can do anything.

My DS is slowly getting out of the phase and he's a firecracker too! He sounds like a lot of young boys I know.

It won't last forever

Agree with praising good behavior. It was pointed out that kids don’t inherently know what the good behavior is, ie, what is calm, what is gentle, what is an inside voice so praising the good behavior helps them understand. Our behavioral therapists recommended 3:1 praise to corrections, which probably means letting the small stuff go and focusing on big things.

My DS is now 8, he has hardly ever hurt anyone but we had a lot of low level behaviour since age 3 at pre school, not listening etc. It was never brought up in reception but I think because the school were probably not seeing it hugely outside of the norm of other 4 year olds, we also had Covid in the mix.

However in Y1 it was still an issue. My DS now has a diagnosis of ADHD.

I have to say I disagree with the majority of PP who say it’s common and it’ll settle down, I think a few isolated incidences are definitely common but if you’ve been pulled aside a few times, in my experience you only get pulled aside if things are pretty bad. I would ask what the school suggest as ways of dealing with it there and then, as you’re doing all you can at home but at that age consequences need to be immediate and linked to what’s actually happened.

Hi do you have any advice on how you dealt with behavioural challenges? I’ve been pulled over by the teacher twice now, my son is 4 and an august born. We are having the same challenges at home too. Thanks

Hi I don't have any advice im afraid as I'm still facing the same challenges !! My son is also a young one of the year born end of July. I sometimes think this has a lot to do with it! Sometimes wish I got to keep him home with me for another year xx