Sorry this is long.
I want to preface this post by saying that I am not normally an anxious person, but recently my LO started displaying a number of worrying traits. As a FTM with little support network, I made a mistake of ploughing through old posts on mumsnet to see if this was just a normal baby behaviour or not. I found a lot of helpful suggestions and saw both stories that are positive and ones that resulted in asd diagnosis, but also came across many accounts of parents with SEN kids living on a verge of a breaking point. It started as a small niggling thought, but now am very concerned and wondering if any other mommas have babies with similar characteristics especially those that may have had these characteristics but children ended up being NT? I would also love any tips on how to cope during this wait and see period.
So here it goes, looking back I think the first ever sign was that he didn’t look at me whilst nursing. I read about it everywhere and just shrugged it off as a FTM. Now fast forward to nearly 10 (well, a week shy of that):
- will stand with support but on tiptoes for only a few seconds and then will throw himself backwards he has no fear of pain or falling. If on sofa or bed just tries to launch himself off the edge. he does not sit from standing.he will take steps with support but we pretty much have to fully support him. mostly the highest he gets alone is will get on knees.
- Doesn’t clap, wave or point, doesn’t not imitate facial expressions except for smiling
- Frequent arm flapping and swinging arms in circles. Frequent wrist and hand twisting, more so rotating feet with legs stiff. I thought he did it when either frustrated , excited or bored but I am not so sure any more, sometimes it is just random.
- Obsessed with cords, ribbons and flipping the edge of the carpet / playmat(the only thing that he does for prolonged time (5 minutes). Doesn’t play with most toys appropriately - just want to spin things or flick them. No interest in stuffed toys. Fixations on parts of toys. will also move from one toy to the next in 20 seconds if its not something he is fixated on
- Poor eye contact - especially when holding him or on the lap. He is a bit better from distance but generally after locking eyes with you, he would smile and quickly (1-2 seconds) turn away
- Only occasionally will look where you point if he does- believe it to be more from something moving in front of him (hands fingers) so he looks and loses interest, isn’t relating it to trying to show him something.
- Will hardly look at me while eat food or bottle even if you’re trying to get his attention
- Doesn’t care to study faces- sometimes will look at strangers slightly longer (new)
- Said Mama at 8 months old for a few weeks and then no babbling for a couple of weeks and now sometimes babbles but it’s just ‘dadadada’ and ‘neigh’ but no other sounds
- Doesn’t make any sounds or babbles to get/grab others attention though. Mostly does it to
- Not much sharing or interest in social games - no interest in pat a cake at all, will smile at peekaboo but never initiates or asks for more
- avoids close contact or cuddling (pushes back or looks around everywhere for something to grab)
- Will also push me away when I rock him to sleep
- Doesn’t reach to be picked up
- Only briefly looks at you when you talk to him or make gestures
- No stranger danger
- Doesn’t seem to understand different emotions or tones (laughs when I say no-no or pretend to cry)
- Doesn’t show affection other than smiling
- Gets frustrated very easy
- Doesn’t like smooth wet textures (to eat or on hands)
- Holds the bottle in an odd way - props the bottom of the bottle with his wrist
- Arching or stiffening of the body during feeding- not always but quite a bit
- Can’t drink from a cup
- Trying to take his nappy off and dislikes being dressed / changed, cries often when put on back to change
- Poor sleeper - waking up 3-6 times per night, very short naps during the day unless contact naps
- Still suffering from reflux (sometimes milk comes back through his nose and still some possiting)
- A lot of the time whines and moans
- Rubs heels on carpets and grasses - tactile I think - and gets visibly tense
- Lots of scratching, squeezing, sucking, biting, licking and mouthing
- Rubs his eyes, ears often and buried his head in me or on any surface
- Doesn’t have a great reciprocal language (but will understand ready, steady, go and bubbles), does not look for dada when I ask where he is
Encouraging moments:
- Responds to his name about 60% of the time, mostly from a distance but I understand this is fairly typical
- Can often get his attention by saying ‘look’
- People commenting he is taking his surroundings in and he is watching people and objects from a few meters away (like me cooking at the island)
- Smiles at strangers and returns about 70% of my smiles
- This is rare but I think I had a three point gaze (maybe 1-3 times a day)
- Has separation anxiety
- Started to use some of the toys functionally
- Eats finger foods well and feeds himself but with fingers only
- Babbling has a pitch variety and rarely but would babble looking at me
- Can make him laugh by silly dances, faces, noises
- Sometimes smiles at himself in the mirror and smiles at the smiley Babis in the books and adores Miss Rachel from YouTube
Phew. Thanks if you read thus far.